The Widder Douglas Has A Widder Question

[bluepinecones]

Very well stated, Carol.
This forum has helped save my sanity and restore my self confidence more than once and having all you wonderful ladies for company is much appreciated.
Thank you.

[Getupngo]

Michelle, when my husband died I was afraid of everything. I had security doors installed on my house. I was also afraid because my brain was so muddled ... I couldn't function very well and that was scary. Life felt so out of control.

I think a lot of feelings are irrational anyway. When my dad died, I felt less safe, because my daddy wasn't around to protect me. But he hadn't protected me for a long time and died with Alzheimer's.

My advice? Learn to laugh at the crazy. Laughter was so important to me. The morning after the night my husband was killed, I knew the world was going to descend on my cluttered, dirty house. So I called my friend, Liz, and she came over and helped me to (as my mother used to say) "take the curse off it."

So there we were, cleaning away, and I started to laugh. Liz turned and looked at me, her mouth open. I continued laughing, gasping at the insanity of it all. "This is the domestic version of that old saying, 'Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you have an accident,'" I said, and we both doubled over in laughter.

So, no, you are not an idiot ... it's really normal stuff. Hugs.

PS: I responded before I read the other posts, and then I remembered something. Jim and I were whitewater river rats. I had gone on river trips without him several times, so thought nothing of it when I went on a river trip after he died. But I was TERRIFIED through the whole trip. He wasn't there to pull me out of the water if I capsized (although there were others who would). It was irrational. And hard.

I think part of it was the feeling of mortality. My Jim -- who always seemed bigger than life -- had died. How could I be safe? It took a while to get past that.

[sharon]

So true, Janice! Those are the exact same feelings I had and what I'm sure Mitch is going thru. Did the house cleaning thing, too....Haven't cleaned like that since, tho. Hmmmmm.....Seems like I just didn't care what the house looked like after Jack passed. I REALLY need to get over that!!

[mitch5252]

So, no, you are not an idiot ... it's really normal stuff. Hugs.

Some would disagree with you. However, I appreciate your entire post!
I had to smile at the visual of your and your friend laughing insanely...

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[Pooker]

Widder to widder - oh, yeah, knowing how to do everything is only a part of the battle. Battling the I can'ts, the I'm too olds, the what ifs, the well-meaning friends who say, "How can you drive that thing all by yourself - aren't you scared?" The older I get, the more apprehensive I feel, knowing that sometime in the fairly near future I'll have to hang up the keys. I just hope I won't do anything too really stupid (like peeling the roof off the RV, perhaps?)but I STILL hope my honey is watching over me and I'm sure he has much more patience with my mistakes.

I came across this thought for the day: Women are angels and if you break their wings they still fly -- on a broomstick! So don't mess with our wings! Go fly, my friend. One mile at a time.

Pooker

[sunshinecruiserTN]

You go, Evie, I love it. Here i go on my broomstick, even if I'm not a widder lady!

[Colliemom]

Mitch, you sound like me. I haven't made that long out of state trip anyyplace yet either. I'm held back by those "what if's" and so forth. But you have been doing this longer than I have and as the others said, you have that ability and 'been there, done that"experience. It's just getting over that hump of doing it alone. You did it once before and then got comfortable with George being there. But you have Abby to keep you company now and in a sense, more freedom to do what you want. You can come and go as you please, do what you want, don't have to worry about being anywhere at any time (unless of course you have to be), et. It's a great feeling to be free like that once you adjust to it.

I think it would be great to meet up with BJ at the lake once the weather gets to where you can do it. And I'll bet, that if you're like me, once spring is in the air, the sun is shining, the temps are warm, that open road is going to call and you are going to be itching to go.

[HorizonSeeker]

Guess I'll weigh in on this as one who also has the t-shirt. But here's something I haven't seen mentioned. Why should a highway and a few miles intimidate you. You who have navigated miles of red tape and seemingly uncaring/unfeeling insurance companies and medical professionals to be sure that G was getting all the care he needed and that all those insurance company payments were made correctly (I remember fighting what seemed like an endless battle over a bedside potty chair). You have muddled through Medicare Parts A&B, doctors too busy to listen and medical staffs too understaffed to give the care your G needed. Come on now, what's a little highway traffic? You can laugh at that and keep heading down that road to new adventures. And personally, I still feel like Larry, in spirit, travels along with me on every trip. He'd be disapponited if I didn't do this and I bet G would too.

[BirdbyBird]

Well put and a good reminder. Our skills and accomplishments as human beings do not fit into just one category....we are women...... we excel at generalizing across tasks!

[mitch5252]

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Thank you for a great reminder!!! (and confidence builder)...



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[chalet05]

We were full timing when DH passed away in 2003. I knew right away I wasn't going to pull that big 5er or full time, but I knew I still wanted to be able to travel so I bought a Chalet popup. In 2005, a niece and I took it from Washington State to Maine. I had joined the singles forum and read a lot on RV.net before the cross country trip - they were encouragement that I could do this!! Had a couple snafus but dealt with them.

Then at age 60, I bought a 30 foot 5er and hit the road again full time. Things started to go wrong...kdmac can relate I think....and you just deal with it. Sometimes you watch the $$$ fly out the door. It's almost easier because if you choose the wrong way to deal with an issue, no one is there to tell you. So, after you take care of that issue you move on.

I think the apprehension is to be expected.

Lots of good thoughts on here!!

[JudyJB]

In 2002, I took my very elderly mother on a cruise ship to England. (We stayed only three days in London, but I had promised her that trip for a long time.) I had done a lot of business travel, but not much personal vacation-type stuff since I had been divorced.

Anyway, the ship (QE2) we were on was unique in the number of single cabins it had. There were an amazing number of older women traveling alone--many in their 70s and above. Quite a few were going to Europe to backpack or hike even at 70 or 80!

This really encouraged me to go back the next year by myself and travel through England and London, even driving a rental car on the wrong side of the road for several days. My friends thought this was dangerous and dumb, but I met only the nicest and most helpful of people. I found that people are especially helpful when you are traveling by yourself. I also found I was more willing to chat with strangers than I would have been had I been traveling with a friend.

I later went to Scotland for three weeks with equally positive results. I think that while losing someone is horrible, when you are alone you build closer friendships with other people, especially women.

So, it will be difficult at first, but you will be successful.