by Nasoosie » Thu Jul 14, 2011 9:21 am
I have made studying unruly, obnoxious kids and their families a mission of mine over the years. I have seen large families with many kids of all ages able to sit through a meal (and I do mean SIT, not run and play about the restaurant) and cause absolutely NO obnoxious behaviors for the entire meal. These parents are always attentive, strict in their demands for politeness and acceptible public behavior, calm but firm in a quiet way (even if it means removing an offending child until the tempers calm down), and seem to have help from the older children at the table who know how to help their younger siblings behave. Families who are always distracted by cell phones, adult talk with no regard for the kids, loud, chaotic, shrill talking, giving in to the kids' desire to get up from the table and 'explore' the restaurant, giving in to any show of temper by their kids, obnoxious behavior by the adults themselves, parents who are oblivious to what their kids are doing, are raising a generation of savages who have no idea what it is like to be a member of society. It matters not where these families are----stores, movie theaters, restaurants, on the streets, campgrounds, you name it. These children have never been shown what it's like to be a responsibe, liked and appreciated member of a society. There is no excuse for allowing your kids to be despised by others. You are doing them a very horrible and dangerous misjustice.
And why is this happening? As many of you have said, manners, recognition of the fact that we are not entities unto ourselves when we are out in public, appreciation of the feelings of others, civil responsibilities, awareness of our surroundings, lessons in face-to-face communication, fear of others to interject disciplinary measures when kids/adults are downright rude and obnoxious, failure to feel like we are all members of a community who should share our feelings rather than hide them and run away, (shades of Hillary's "it takes a village")-----all of the above and more, are reasons that our youngsters are becoming dangerous, egotistical, and unfeeling humans.
Unfortunately, I am an extremist when it comes to teaching. I have, more than once, (to the chagrin of my own kids) thrown a mock tantrum directly in front of a kid whose parent(s) are ignoring him. I scream, stamp my feet, have even thrown myself down into an aisle of a store and ranted, and then gone directly to the face of the perpetrator until we are eye-to-eye (and, by then, the eyes are incredulously wide and terrified!) and said, in a very calm and controlled voice, "....and that, my dear, is what you look like! That is what shamefull behavior looks like." I then look directly into the eyes of the parent. "And that is what you are allowing your child to become." By then the parents don't know what on earth to do, and usually choose to quiet the child (if they aren't already quiet and in shock) and leave the store. If they have been on their cell phones, they usually sign off, too! I know that's a bit extreme, but I have found it amazingly effective in teaching both parents and kids! Or at least in making it known how scary, disgusting and annoying that kind of behavior is. One day, after asking a boy about 8 years old to stop running up and down the aisles of a store, he ran around a corner to hide. When I came around the corner, I waitied for him to go over next to his mother, and then proceeded to try to slowly wheel my cart past them. He impulsively decided to run directly into my cart and give himself a very bruised and bloody lip. I parked my cart, wnet directly up to his crying face and mother, and said, "And now just what did I try to tell you a few seconds ago?" The crying kid said, "That I would hurt someone if I didn't stop running around?" "And it appears that you have indeed hurt someone, " I said, "and luckily for you and your mom, it was you and not me or someone else." (I was lucky that the mother/grandmother agreed with me....I guess she had warned him, too, but didn't enforce the warning. BINGO!
I have also found in my school situation that this show of unacceptible behavior also calms very disabled kids who have been allowed to throw tantrums all their lives to get their way (because "they can't help themselves.") Bull pippies they can't help themselves! Seeing an adult act as they are used to doing always works wonders to find some self-control!
The main problem with parenting is that we aren't taught to be good parents any more, and most don't even have the social skills themselves needed to teach their kids. However, in my not-so-humble-opinion, those of us who know better need to take some responsibility, too, for just getting annoyed and turning our backs on obnoxious, dangerous behaviors. React as you feel you should.
Life is about learning to dance in the rainHappy travels!
I'll never ever forget the day my 5 yo GD showed up at my door (they lived next door at the time), hands on hips, stating " Grandma, mom is driving me crazy!!". I started laughing and said well come on in girlfriend and we'll talk about it over some ice cream! I proceeded to tell her what a great mom she had and she should be thankful etc. The ice cream seemed to help more than my pep talk, but hey, whatever works! LOL
