Instant Mom -- Me???

[Forestgal]

Hey all --

Well, I won't go into all the sordid details, but come this Wednesday I may become the temporary "mom" to one of my former students -- now a 13 year-old seventh grader.

She's an incredibly sweet kid and has truly had a hellish life. Alcoholic father (now deported to Mexico), totally uninvolved, self-absorbed mother, and a 23 year-old brother who's been her primary caretaker but is now sitting in County Jail because of some "sexual indiscretions" with a minor (actually, he's charged with a felony). Everyone but this kid are without papers, and her brother will likely be deported, leaving this uninterested mother (probably with a boyfriend in the wings) to care for her.

Child Protective Services is involved, and she's been staying at the home of my teaching partner & his wife while Belle, my cat, "cools off". So Wednesday it'll be safe to bring her here.

She's done well with Don & his wife, so hopefully she'll be okay here. But I'm thinking about what kind of rules I need to have in place. Bedtime should be interesting, as I hit the hay at 9:00. She ought to also, since we'll be up & out of the house by 6:15. And cell phones ... hers doesn't work up here (no coverage). And if she wants to use a computer she can use one of my old laptops right down here on the couch where I can keep an eye on things.

Oh my ... I'm already exhausted. She'll be here until April 8th, at the latest. Or she may not come at all -- everything seems to hinge on what happens on Tuesday with her brother's court date.

Please keep this child in your prayers. I don't know how she's functioning, but she's an A-B student and keeping her grades up. And I'd appreciate a prayer or two, also. I'm not a parent, and I'm definitely not used to having another person in my space. It's going to be an interesting couple of weeks ... sigh.

Thanks.

Laura

[VickieP]

Well at least you don't have to worry about whether to buy pink or blue! I think if she is actually placed with you, that you will do just fine. You've shown that you're a very caring person and have love to give. I'll keep you both in my prayers.

[BarbaraRose]

Being a teacher, you will make a great foster mom! You know her and you know how to handle kids so you will do fine! Sounds like she is a good kid and just needs a stable environment with a caring person, with you!

(Are you drowning up there from the storm yet?)

[avalen]

does this mean you'll have to start cooking again
you'll have your plate full with a child in the house full time but your a teacher, you can do it.
But I'll say prayers for all of you as this situation unfolds. Keep us in the know.

[Liz]

Prayers for the child, and prayers especially for you as you possibly take on this daunting responsibility! How generous of you to be willing to do that, and it will be comforting for her to have someone she already knows and trusts as a temporary caregiver.

[khenrie]

I get a sense that you will do wonderfully. What a neat opportunity to make a difference! Good for you for stepping up. Prayers for you both.

[BirdbyBird]

...and what no one tells you is there really isn't a "parent handbook" that gives out all the perfect answers. Do what makes sense. Think of how many parents you have known....and remind yourself that you are smarter and more competent than the average....and quite possibly exceptional. You will be able to make most of you decisions based on what is in the best long term interest of a child rather than "emotion, anger and guilt"...common responses of other adults. Hang on and enjoy this new journey!

my touch stone when working with children, mine or those of others, never underestimate their ability to know things and understand stuff.....When treated like competent human being, they often respond exceedingly well.

[AlmostThere]

I'm thinking if you just love on her and give her your time, all will be well. That's mostly what kids need anyway. Engage her in talk, be interested.
I'm proud of you, Laura, for making a difference.

[Bethers]

Kudos to you for doing this - it's not something easy to do - and I applaud you. That said, I hope it all goes smoothly. Sounds like it's only for a couple weeks - so take it one day at a time - and make the rules as strong as you need to for that time period. When I was with rotary and involved with the exchange student program - I remember how stringent the rules were - but they worked. Those kids couldn't date, etc - so don't worry about if your rules are too strong. You're doing a good thing and she needs to fit into your lifestyle for the short time she's there.

[flick4411]

Laura

I can think of only a handful of people I know who are more suited than you to be a temp parent for a needy child. You have a sweet, caring soul; you are the perfect person for this young (soon to be) woman to spend time with to learn how adults can be supportive, loving, and nurturing. You will be scared, unsure, and wondering if you've done the right thing...and the answer will be a resounding YES! I will send prayers into the universe for both you and her. But I think the universe has already conspired to put the two of you together! Sounds like a match made in heaven... Let us know what's happening as this unfolds...

[Pooker]

Laura -

She's at a hard stage in life and you have the opportunity to provide what she needs at this time. Hooray for you for stepping up to bat! I know how you value your alone time and space. It might be quite a challenge, but you have always been up for a challenge, right? You don't need to be a mother to mother someone (you can see that with the biological mother). Kids don't come with owner's manuals, but you are great with kids and will do just fine.

Hope you get to take her camping with your group - if this darn rain ever stops and spring actually arrives!

Evie

[mitch5252]

..

I'll bet you both will have an incredible learning curve, but you'll do just fine, Laura.
Hearing that from your friends here doesn't make you any less nervous, though, does it?

..

[cpatinjones]

You will do well!

[snowball]

Guess it will be take a big breath pray and smile and be there for her
life is hard and I think lots of time it is really hard on kids!
good luck and what a great thing to do
sheila

[Nasoosie]

Laura, both the questions I asked in another post have been answered in this post----which I should have read first! Sorry about that.

As others have said, you are such a perfect model for that poor young girl, and I know she will be able to feel your concern for her, and for yourself, too. You have taught her in the past, so she knows you probably better than you might think she does. She's aged considerably, perhaps, since you had her last, but you at least know the person she was. Stay honest and open about your feelings, and things should be better than fine. Congratulations for taking on this responsibility. Let her know you.