Positive Thoughts/Prayers Appreciated Please

[Forestgal]

Hey all --

I'm not one for whining or feeling sorry for myself. But for the past couple of weeks (actually since coming back from Christmas vacation) every time I get myself up to come to school it's all I can do to keep from turning the car around and going home. I seem to have hit some sort of emotional wall and my enthusiasm for a job that I've enjoyed for over 20 years is just gone. This morning I was actually working hard to not cry as I headed down the hill.

I love the kids and their refreshing honesty and once they get here things get better. But there's this constant underlying feeling that makes me wonder if I can make it 4 more years until I can retire. It would be financial suicide if I tried to leave earlier, so I don't even want to go there.

I'm sure there are other things playing into this feeling, but somehow I've got to get a handle on the job aspect or it's going to be a long, miserable few months. We've got soooo much to accomplish in the next 6 months!

I sure would appreciate your good thoughts and prayers. They work, and right now I could use the extra support.

Thanks friends.

Laura -- and Jed

[retiredhappy]

(((((((Laura)))))). The last four years before I retired were really hard but then by that time I HATED my job. I did manage to get out early even tho it meant a smaller retirement check. I just decided to go for it even tho it meant pinching pennies until my SS kicked in. I decided that if I was going to be miserable for four years, life was way too short and where would I be if the stress killed me before I could retire. If its absolutely not an option can you take a few days and take Jed camping somewhere peaceful? Sometimes just a few days of kicking back and contemplating our navel does wonders for us. Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you.

[Bethers]

((((((((((((((Laura)))))))))))))) I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better. First thought, though, is for you to sit down and analyze what might be causing the feelings. You say you still love the kids - so it isn't everything about the job that's bad. And make sure it's the job itself that's causing this and not some other feelings or even something healthwise. Do you feel this way at night, or mainly just in the morning, for example? If necessary, get yourself to a doctor and have a physical. It's amazing how we can respond to problems within our bodies.

Now, if it is the job and you hate it so much that you'll be miserable and depressed for the next 4 years, you're going to have to think about what options you have. Because living like that is not healthy and will sure age you quickly.

Again, no magic wands here - just an ear to listen, a sounding board, and I'll throw out ideas - but mainly, lots of hugs and hoping you can find a way around this. One other "thrown out idea" - this is the time of year that leads into the most depressions. Any chance it's winter that might be causing it (even though you are in So Cal)?

[Pookie]

Laura,

My husband is 3 years out from retirement and he is feeling the same way. He calls me from work and I have to talk him through a bad day. He is so burned out. Maybe this happens to many in that final stretch of gainful employment. I am sending "final stretch" prayers up for you. The day will come before you know it, they will be having your retirement party (do they do that anymore?) and you will be planning the next chapter of your life with gusto .

[dayspring39]

Oh Laura my heart goes out to you... I say find a private place and cry, scream, hit a pillow and simply let those negative emotions out... that sometimes does help relieve the negative things that seem to be happening... it is mid winter no matter where you are so it is sometimes cabin fever... then with your mind clear think of what you have that is good... make lists of good and bad I can bet the good will out do the bad... wish I could have a cup of coffee with you and we could cry and laugh as we share together... things will be better... that I can promise you!
Kathleen

[AlmostThere]

((((((Laura)))))))), I'm sorry you are going through such a sad time. I vote with Beth. First get yourself a complete check up, but most importantly go talk with someone. Does your school insurance pay for counseling? Then, are you in perimenopause? Hormones play havoc with us women's emotions.

[Liz]

Laura, I remember that feeling very well. I team taught with my best friend for 18 years, and loved it. Then she retired about 4 years before I was going to be old enough , and the teacher hired in her place had a completely different philosophy of teaching (ie, let the kids go wild while I catch up on my Email, and avoid much teaching at all.) Needless to say we did not get along, and I fell into a real funk. At the end of that year, I told the principal it was her or me, so he got rid of her, but it didn't help much...I wanted to retire. (Be careful what you wish for) I was about to commit financial suicide at the end of the next school year when stage 3 cancer happened and the decision was very clear. I retired after 27 years in the retirement system at age 57.

Praise God I have survived the cancer scare for almost 5 years now. The treatments & recovery took a year, but I never considered going back to work after that. My income is less than it would have been, but so are my needs. I know if I needed to I could work camp as others do to supplement my income. So far, so good.

I will be praying for you for patience, for a return of your enthusiasm and zeal for teaching as long as needed, and for the wisdom to know when it's time to retire. I tell everyone who asks, don't wait until you're too old or too sick to enjoy the rest of your life. And I agree with Karen, take some of that sick/personal time if you have it to take a break. It may be all that's needed right now.

[Rufflesgurl]

Laura - Positive prayers going up for you. You are so fortunate to have a job. I hope this CA sunshine will bring about positive thoughts for you and Jed. Enjoy all the good things you have!

Linda

[mitch5252]

..

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, Laura.
I, too, immediately thought maybe something physical.
Get yourself checked out and then, if you can, head out with Jed somewhere.
Hugs and prayers for you.

..

[VickieP]

Laura, I agree with the others that said to get to the doctor and rule out anything physical, then see about some "happy pills" if you don't take anything already, sometimes it helps to get you thru a funk. I know you don't have any family nearby, so use the friendships that you've made or make new friends and get out and do stuff to help you get through this. We're always here for you, but counseling could really help too.

[Pooker]

Laura -

I know how much you loved your job. I also know how all the administrative "stuff" has bothered you. Perhaps it's not the teaching that's getting to you, but the "my life is on a downslope, I'm getting older, I'm questioning if what I'm doing with my life is what I REALLY want to do, what's the purpose of life anyway?" Yup! Many of us have gone through much the same thing and YUP! Hormones get totally screwed up and cause all sorts of havoc.

Get that total checkup. Tell the doctor about this feeling of doom. You may need some hormone replacement therapy.

And I also like the idea of taking a few days off to go look at the ocean, or the mountains, or the desert. Watch the people climb in Joshua Tree and marvel at the weird evening shadows. Visit the old trees - the bristlecone, sequoia, redwoods - and seek wisdom under their branches. Or sit on the beach and watch endless waves. If you need company, send me a PM and we'll compare calendars. Or we can gather the other SoCal gals who might be available. Or go by yourself with your faithful fur buddy.

You are right to reach out. Now go get the help you need.

Evie

[bluepinecones]

Good advise from the others here. Do check the medical aspect first, then move on to investigate other possibilities.

Also keep in mind that job burnout is more common than most realize. I went thru that too and most of my life I had a job I loved. Took me a while to figure out what was going on when I finally realized that I had gone from looking to forward to going to work to dreading it everyday.

Everyone has a different solution to work thru and I'm confident you will find the one that works best for you.

[BirdbyBird]

Don't know exactly how I did it but I understand the feeling..... Those last years can play with your mind.....I'm just sending you some strength to seek out what you need, think through the heavy "thinks" and make it through this part of your journey..... Are there an changes/other positions within the school system that you might apply for that could freshen up the next couple of years. More work but new adventures sort of thing?

[Forestgal]

You guys are the best. I can't believe how upheld I've felt today.

Strangely enough, I had a Dr. appointment yesterday with my GYN & all is okay on all fronts. Hormones are under control thanks to little pills, and there aren't any other physical issues (apart from being mightly sore from Saturday's gardening party). I really think that this funk has got several layers, with school being the one where I get stuck most easily. But I am working on the other areas, thanks to some really good insurance benefits (you don't hear that phrase very often!).

I really wish I could just abandon all responsibilities, pack the trailer, hitch up and take off. But there are prices to be paid on so many fronts for doing that, and gutting things out seems to be the lesser of all evils right now.

My mind and heart are weary, so it's good to know that you all can come alongside and help carry some of the load for a while. Thanks so very much ...

Laura -- and Jed

[avalen]

I agree with Beth, get a good checkup and rule out any underlying health issues..hormones?
If you have sick time built up, use some of it, you earned it. We have a guy at work retiring
the end of this school year, he has over 900 hours built up, and when he gets the pay for it,
he's only getting 300 hours of it. The rest is forfeited, which I think is really unfair and as
my OWN retirement get closer I'm going to use mine up so I get 100% of it.
Are you getting enough sunshine? Even though your in CA, that doesn't mean you always
have sunshine, I know it does rain there sometimes.
I'll put you on my prayer list and help you get through these last few years. Someday its
gonna be me not thinking I'll make it.