Closure ...

[Getupngo]

Appropriately posted from the Lunatic Fringe coffee shop in Holladay Utah:

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about the nature of forgiveness and pondered whether I should visit my stepson Ben, who is on likely lifelong commitment at the state mental hospital for killing his father (my sweet DH).

When I got home, my BIL told me the state had granted Ben permission to plant a tree in honor of his father on the state hospital grounds, and asked if I wanted to go to the planting ceremony. I did. Well, It was yesterday, and when Ben saw me he came over and wrapped me in his arms and we just held each other for the longest time. He looked good (read: not like a lunatic) and seemed quite lucid. We expressed our love for one another.

The whole family was there, plus a couple of Ben's lifelong friends. After the tree-planting we gathered in a little park at the hospital, passed pictures of Jim around and told stories. One picture brought up tears, and I got up quietly and walked away, onto a pier over a little pond. I stood there and cried, and then I was filled with this calmness. Jim was there with me.

I'm really glad I went. I was told once that the most intense relationships we have are with those from whom we are estranged. Each time I had seen Ben in the past, there was always a court proceeding involved ... which shoved in my face why we were there. This time there also was the same context, but rather than being punishment-focused, we were remembering Jim and helping Ben cope with what HE had done. I know great healing occurred for me ... I hope it did for him as well.

[avalen]

closure comes when we need it, so glad you had the opportunity to help yourself
heal in a good setting, the tree planting etc., was a good thing for everybody.

[Paulette]

Oh Janice, hugs to you. What a brave woman you are. Loving and forgiving and I know that feeling Jim's presence probably helped you a lot too. I am so in awe of you that you were able to do what you did. God Bless you lady!

[retiredhappy]

I really believe Jim came to give your some closure. God bless you, that must have been so hard.

[SeeyaGal]

(((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))
Bless you Janice, finally closure, now you will have true peace in your life .

[NakedPupsAndMe]

I had no idea this had happened in your family. I believe your Jim was there to bring healing & closure. Hugs to you! I am also in awe of your courage & strength.

[Bethers]

Oh, Janice, that is wonderful news. I'm so happy for you. I hope that the feelings you have now stay with you.

Hugs, Janice. You deserve this.

[MsBHaven]

Glad you had the strength to make that trip. Hopefully you can hang onto that experience and it will give your some peace.

[Barbzeee]

Janice, as I said before, "You are a strong woman, and I truly hope this brings you your inner peace..and that now you can move on with your life." You have so many roads to travel and lots of wonderful people to meet.. I keep you in my prayers ..That tree will grow beautifully..

God Bless

[carold]

Janice, I know you pondered about whether to go visit or not. It seems that you made the right choice for your peace of mind. Now you can really move on with your life with memories that lift your heart. And I'm sure that is true for your stepson also. What a wonderful gift you gave both to yourself and to him. carold

[AlmostThere]

Janice,
I'm happy that you attended the ceremony, and through it, found the peace you so needed. May all your hearts continue to heal and may God continue to Bless you and the rest of the family.

[Cedar518]

((( Janice ))) ....... I'm so glad you are at peace.

[Lotus]

Janice,
It definitely sounds as though your decision to go was the right decision for you. I'm so glad that it was a good visit for you as well as the other family members.

Becky

[Echo]

Janice, I was hoping that you would go to see him. Not just for him but for you. Sometimes healing comes from the strangest things that we do. I know it must have seemed like the last thing you would want to do. But it was needed. And as I said, for your healing much more than his.

Take heart Lady, it will still hurt at times but the healing has truly touched you.

[Getupngo]

I think it's no coincidence that as I became ready to see Ben, the universe delivered him to me, right on time ... and in a very positive context. Here are Ben and his sisters with the tree. Their father was a very outdoorsy guy, and this tree is the perfect tribute.



God bless us all. janice