From tragedy comes healing ...

[Getupngo]

About 200 people came together tonight to honor and remember my brother-in-law. It was very uplifting.

I've probably told you all that I'm a bit psycho, uh, psychic. Well, I was standing in the middle of the mortuary's gathering area, and the thought came to me, "I wonder if Ben (my late husband's son) will be her tonight?" I wondered whether the staff from the state mental hospital would bring him to his uncle's memorial.

"Nah," I thought. He has been locked up for every one of the last five years.

Then I heard a buzz around the room, "Ben's coming ..."

He came, we hugged and talked. And I realized that when I see him, I am not upset or disturbed. But when I get a letter, I go down like a rock.

Even though I don't want to, perhaps at a distance I dehumanize him. But when he's flesh and blood, standing in front of me, it's different. My son and wife also came to the memorial. My son told me later that when he saw Ben, all of the anger he had held against his stepbrother just melted away. He looked more peaceful as well.

My BIL's death has helped me mend fences with my stepdaughter, and perhaps brought some more healing with Ben as well. Hallelujah.

[Echo]

That is so awesome Janice! A good healing all the way around for the family!

Smile Hon and the troubles don't seem as bad. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

[bluepinecones]

That is good news.

[Nasoosie]

What a nice message to read to begin my day, Janice. I am so glad they let Ben go to the memorial...for all of you. Healing is so much healthier than festering wounds, and, with life being so dang short, how much nicer to live it with a bit less stress. You are one strong lady to have faced this hurdle, and may things be a bit lighter for you as you roll into a new episode of your life. Hugs.

[Cedar518]

Nice, Janice.... very nice.

[carold]

That's great, Janice. Shedding those feelings are even better than shedding those pounds. Maybe those will just melt away too carold

[Liz]

Glad the memorial brought peace to those attending.

[Getupngo]

I can't imagine what it was like for Ben to suddenly be outside of an institution and plunked in the middle of about 200 people. It was intense for me to be there ... how would it have been for him? He was clearly happy to be there, and his mother just beamed.

But he is the star child at the state hospital. He is the ONLY one committed under a "not guilty by reason of insanity" (NGBI) status, and his sister was telling me that he has greatly exceeded each goal set for him by staff. When John Hinckley was found NGBI after shooting President Reagan, many states severely revamped their insanity defenses, and a number of states eliminated them altogether. Today, Utah is one of only three states that has NO insanity defense, which is crazy in and of itself.

So for the prosecutor to have ACCEPTED Ben's NGBI plea (at the urging of his victim's family) was an incredible act of compassion.

[ali1257]

Janice

So glad that the memorial service went well and that so many attended. I am sure it was comforting to know so many people care. Glad that Ben was able to be there and that there was more healing within the family.

Ali

[sharon]

Janice, so glad that things worked out the way they did and that it brought you and your son some peace. Big hug winging your way, GF. I know that this has been a struggle for you for a long time and hopefully this has put you on the road to recovery.

[avalen]

glad the services went well for you and that you are healing more and more as time goes on.

[rvgrammy1953]

Janice, so glad that all went well....and that having the "whole" family there, including Ben, aided in healing for so many....My thoughts and prayers are still with you....

[JanetA]

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