A senseless loss ...

[Getupngo]

I received a call from the police yesterday, telling me my brother-in-law had taken his own life. And it was then up to me to make family notifications. Spent most of last evening with the family. He had recently divorced his wife and was still trying to get back together with her (go figure). He has two beautiful young sons in their early 20s. They are, of course, devasated. He gave his wife a generous alimony allotment -- which has now gone "poof!" And any insurance, of course, won't pay because of suicide.

Last night I was sad ... but now I'm just damn mad. He left a note saying he only wants a private family funeral -- depriving his sons of the outpouring of love and respect from his friends and professional colleagues. I say to hell with that. Anyone who takes his own life has forfeited the right to stage-manage the rest of his departure.

[Cedar518]

Hang in there Janice, I wish I could help you right now.

Unfortunately at long distance, all I can do is send those words.

[Bethers]

Hugs to you, Janice. So sorry you are having to deal with this.

[Paulette]

Janice...so sorry to hear this news. Hang tough there. I agree with you on the departure management...let his kids decide instead. How very very sad. Suicide is one thing that has always boggled my mind as it doesn't solve anything for anyone and only leave those behind with a lot of questions and a lot of pieces to pick up. My thoughts are with you.

[BarbaraRose]

Janice,
So, so sorry about your brother-in-law! I do agree that he forfeited any right to ask for what he wanted for his funeral. Maybe he thought by having a small funeral it would save the family from shame or embarassment, but in actuality, they (you) need more comfort and support than anything else right now. Suicide is a very difficult thing for a family to deal with. So many questions, anger, guilt (not necessary, but often felt anyways), etc. Accept and embrace your feelings whatever they are. Whatever he was trying to get away from on this side, he will now have to deal with on the other side.

We are all here for you...

Barbie

[sharon]

And the hurt and anger just keeps piling up for you.....Hugs to you, wish there was something I could do or say to help you, just know you and your family is in my heart and prayers.

[carold]

Janice, so very sorry that you're having to deal with this. I can imagine your anger and agree that you should all have the type of funeral that would make you "happy". I always feel that funerals are for the living. Hang in there, and know that we are sending whatever you need, prayers, hugs, loving thoughts, etc. carold

[Gentleladybear]

Janice so sorry to hear about this. At this point the boys should do what they want. He created the pain, they need to do what will help them deal with that pain. Suicide is not an easy thing, know been there experienced it. Sometimes there are not easy answers.

Nan

[Liz]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. Suicide is the one of the worst kind of deaths to accept. My prayers go out to you and the family.

[BirdbyBird]

Not only should the family do what works for them...I would think that there are family friends that would benefit from coming together with others that care.......

[Getupngo]

One of the family members said to me last night that this was worse than how I lost my Jim. And I agree. Jim didn't choose to leave ... I can't imagine the mix of emotions they are experiencing. I lost a friend and family member. Their loss is devastating. Kevin was a PhD psychologist (yeah, go figure) and was such a help when Jim's son had his first psychotic break. And the night Jim died he was there with us. I'm mad, but he was a good man and I know how those suicidal thoughts can be powerful as they tell us the world would be better off without us ....

But I'm still mad. **laughing at myself** **laughing at myself**

I am, however, curled up comforting myself with a half-gallon of sugar free (yeah, I know) ice cream. That and the knowledge that Lyndsey Vonn today won what I hope is just her first of many gold medals (for the Women's Downhill) at the Vancouver Olympics. There is still good in the world, after all.

[SeeyaGal]

Sorry to hear the news, and pray your family gets through this tragedy. So sad!! People who take their own lives do not understand how devastating it is for the family left behind and I truely believe they do not find peace.

[BarbaraRose]

Anger is a perfectly normal response to a death, especially a suicide. All part of the grieving process, and as I am sure you are all too familiar with, each person grieves in their own personal way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, nor any time-limit on it. People who commit suicide are in a very deep, dark, painful place emotionally, so are never thinking rationally regarding their decision, and how it will affect others. And, unfortunately, they keep it (ie; feelings, thoughts, plans) all very well hidden from others.
Hopefully, your family will do what is best for everyone concerned regarding the funeral.

Barbie

[avalen]

my deepest sympathies for you and your family and I think friends and co-workers
deserve to be able to pay their respects to family, like someone else said,,,, the
funeral is for those left behind

[retiredhappy]

Janice, so sorry that you have to go thru this. Anger is OKAY and perfectly normal. Suicide is the final way of hurting others. Hugs to you - hang in there.