Had to Share this - too funny

[asirimarco]

December 8

6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14

Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 15

20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. I bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23

Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24

6" snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me for a
million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don't shine. The wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

[Cedar518]

LOVE it! laughed hard,.... and still giggling.

[Paulette]

I can so relate to that!

[Liz]

That's funny! Two days was plenty for me and I didn't have to shovel.

[BarbaraRose]

I also can relate and I don't even have to shovel the "white crap"! Enough is enough!

Barbie

[Acadianmom]

That's the way I feel and I only had 2 weeks of it. Just think what would happen to me if I had to spend the winter.

Martha

[retiredhappy]

I TOTALLY agree - even I'm complaining about being cold.

[Sparkle]

Good giggle. I may have told this story before, but I've never let a small fact like that stop me. When I lived in Scotland of course I had seen my fair share of snow. When I emigrated to Canada I went out to shovel the sidewalk. (Where was my husband you inquire? He was Scottish!) so anyway I get all bundled up and go out to shovel the snow. I lifted one big shovelful which flew up in the air and over my head. I went back in the house and took off all my outdoor clothing and sat down to write a letter to my mother. Dear Mum, you have never seen snow like this. Its like detergent foam, no weight to it at all.
I was used to heavy wet Scottish snow.

[avalen]

[ali1257]

Thanks for the story...I have heard that one before BUT it is always good to read it again.

Also makes me thankful for the mild winter we have had.

[bluepinecones]

Great laugh for he night. Thanks

[Nasoosie]

I LOVE that story, and have it stored somewhere in this house after I first saw it on the computer. It always makes me laugh!

And Sparkle, your story made me spew my coffee all over! I can just picture that scenario!

As for me, I still love to see new snow come down, as long as winter is here to stay for another while. I have always loved snow. My problem lately has been the cold----my older body doesn't like to feel cold all the time. I COULD have the heat significantly higher in here, even without my wood fire, but my miserly self just won't allow me to turn up my Monitor heater. I keep telling myself that I am 'fine' at 62 degrees, as, in the summer, that does seem 'fine!' But hours of being that cool inside here have me realizing that it is NOT fine! I don't have a furnace, per se, in the cellar or anywhere, but this heater will really put out some heat if I can stand to see it running for hours on end. It has a thermostat that is programmable to 4 different settings during a 24 hour period, even. For the rooms I use in the winter, it would keep me as warm as I wish to be, IF I thought I had enough money to pay for the fuel! Sigh-----I need to slap another 100.00 down on my fuel budget this week to make sure I can get another delivery before the ground turns to swamp in a couple of months and the trucks can't get in here.

So far today, I am comfy and don't have a wood fire going yet. I plan to go out skiing, and that always warms me up!

[Excel]

Thanks for posting that story...I've read it before but reading it again made me laugh just as much as when I read it the first time... Makes me remember why I moved to California from Chicago...don't know how I was so smart when I was that young !!

[Redetotry]

Great story thanks Carol gave me a good laugh to start the day. I'm one that left the cold Illinois weather also and went to CA but I wasn't as smart as you Excel, I came back! not once but twice

[BarbaraRose]

I moved from MN to CA once and then came back, but planning to go back to CA and NEVER coming back!!! My ideal winter day, is laying by the pool in 80 degree weather looking up at the snowcapped mountains!

Barbie