Interesting reaction ...

[Getupngo]

I've had a roommate now for about eight months. She is such an Michigan State fan that she dresses in almost all college garb. Almost by definition those are men's clothes. When she and I go places together and the subject of our living situation comes up, I see an, "Oh!" look in people's eyes, and they began to ask "Sooo ... how did you meet?" Clearly a "relationship" question.

On one hand, I'm amused (neither of us are gay) and on another rather unsettled about it. My response has been more general -- she had been living for a year with her GD / boyfriend-father / GGkids and was looking for a place to live where toddlers do not reside. I had a room.

I just don't want to be put in that particular box within the circles I move, as a few women I know have "jumped the fence" as it were. I've thought about the more confrontational, "Why do you ask?" Or the more direct, "Are you asking whether we are a couple?" and go from there. What do you suggest?

This is tiring for me. I already encounter that assumption while traveling alone in "that great big motor home" ... to the point that women flirt with me. Not the attention I want. And I don't think wearing more pink will do it.

[Cedar518]

I guess instead of "why do you ask?" a better answer might be .....

"why would it matter?"

Personally I don't give a rat's ass what people think on that topic. (re: me having a housemate)

[Bethers]

Sparkle and I get some of those looks - rarely the questions. But if the looks are too weird, Sparkle usually says - oh, this is my lesbian lover and we both crack up. Seriously, who cares what they think? More often than that we get "are you sisters" so she now has a story about how we were separated after I was born and I was brought to the US and raised here and we got back together as adults. I mean, c'mon folks.

That said, I have friends of all persuasions and I don't worry about what anyone thinks of me. No, Sparkle and I are not lesbian lovers, but there are those out there who think we are. Just because we aren't of that persuasion - let people think what they will - either way doesn't matter.

[Sparkle]

Beth wears dresses frequently, I'm usually in Jeans. Guess what that makes me? If she wouldn't insist on holding hands we wouldn't get those looks....oh she's gonna kill me!

[Bethers]

Holding hands? You always have your arm around me - - - and then you wonder why people ask?

[Sparkle]

Ammint I the one who hates hugs?

[VickieP]

I don't give a rat's ass

Tell us what you really think Cedar!

[kelpie]

It would bother me too so I'd probably go for the less-nice response of"Why do you want to know?" I am always amazed when virtual strangers feel free to ask the most personal questions. Shortly after my divorce was final, I went to a singles dance near me and the organizers tried to put people who were new together with others so they could mingle etc. This woman who Ihad met like 10 minutes previous asked me "So, tell me, what was the reason for your divorce?" I changed the subject and moved away from her.

[avalen]

well I would probably laugh at them and come up with some smart aleck response,
but I suppose I would probably talk about a good lookin guy or something to clue
them in correctly. But I kinda like Cedars response, she tells it like it is

[DesireGMC]

Y'all - these are great responses - but the reality is that Janice doesn't want to world thinking she 'plays for the other team' - as it were. I get that box too - I think it's short hair and a big rig. Janice - if you can't be cheeky in your response and you DO give a rat's ass - then if it comes up I'd probably have a stock answer about how you came to be sharing a living space. I don't know - something along the lines of two grandma's decided to become roomies to reduce their carbon footprint - or something - I guess something that indicates you had a husband, etc etc etc. It isn't anyone's business - but yes, the world is likely to jump to conclusions. We humans seem to like to peg people so that we can 'understand' them better. It can be dangerous however.
If you come up with something great - let me know. I used to get my hair cut on College Ave in Berkeley (CA) and it was short and spiky - and every time I would leave the salon - I'd get flirted with. So it went - and goes..................

[Cedar518]

I guess I don't really understand why anybody would care enough to ask personal questions. As for me, I have no interest in dating men,... been there and done that (marriage) x2 and refuse to do that again. So maybe that colors my response. Now, if a woman is "looking" I can understand why she wouldn't want to be misunderstood. It would reduce her chances to meet an intersting man.

I hope this country is finally beginning to move toward a time when we are all just people.... whether we are gay,, lesbian, bi or transgendered. And that equal rights will soon be extended to everyone.

Good luck with coming up with an answer that feels right for you, Janice!

[Mollysmom]

Hey Janice,
I suppose you could say "Betsy is my tenant" - that'd explain the situation fairly easily.
You can also say "Betsy and I share a home to help make ends meet"
Of course either response won't make allot of sense unless your roommate's name is actually Betsy ! HA !!!

[sharon]

Hot topic, Janice! Been there, done that. I have to agree with Kerri (DesireGMC). I get the same thing when I go for a motorcycle ride with the girls....If you're riding with a bunch of girls, you gotta be gay, right? Only, most of them are married or have a S/A. Like Beth, I also have friends that are gay but they understand that I like the menz. It's sad to say that to many people jump to conclusions about a persons life style. I like Kerri's response about 2 granny's saving the earth! I also get the one about "the little girl driving that big ol' rv/motorcycle". (a) I'm not a little girl and (b) I'm driving/riding it, not carrying it. But I got off topic, sorry. Guess you need to come up with a response about financial and that your roomie takes care of the house for you when you're on the road so you don't have to worry about your plants dying. Or something to that effect. Sorry it bothers you, guess I'm the type to just laugh it off and say Nah, she just rents from me.

[Pooker]

What about "excuse me?" Followed by a real questioning look. Or "what do you mean?" With the same questioning look. Ball is in their court. Followed by peels of laughter when they stutter and stammer.

Pooker

[Getupngo]

Honestly, the people who ask questions I believe want to acknowledge the relationship in a kind way. So I don't see them as nosey.

Nevertheless, I don't want to be inaccurately labeled. I'm actually leaning toward the direct question in response: "Are you asking whether we are a couple? If so, the answer is no." I actually would do the same if my companion was a male friend as well. So perhaps that would do it.

But when traveling ... hmmm ... maybe I should put an old Mae West quote on a sign in the yard.