Gave myself permission ...

[Getupngo]

This may sound strange, but I feel a certain kinship with Ben. Both he and I lost everything -- he far more than
me. Everyone else in this saga went back to their regular lives, albeit without Jim/Dad. For me, EVERYTHING
that made up the fabric of my life changed (except for my son). I lost Jim, and I was too shell-shocked to continue
in the news media (which requires the ability to THINK and juggle many balls in the air). I re-invented my life
on the road. Thank God for that -- and for you ladies -- who have cheered me on.

[retiredhappy]

Janice, I admire your forgiveness but think you are wise not to have any relationship with him. You are accepting that your love is dead and you're moving on with your life. You can remember him with love and all the good things but I think, continued contact with his son will keep the pain constantly alive. It may ease his conscience but surely doesn't help you and he does have other family. You're a strong woman. Many hugs to you.

[Pooker]

Add my hugs to all the others, Janice. These decisions are so hard and so is letting go. Hope you get strength from all of us here - you certainly have our support.

Evie

[sharon]

Been out of town for a few days, but looks like the sisters have your back Janice. Can't add any more to what they've said and they've said it very well. You need to do what ever it takes to make you whole, and if this is it, then so be it, and Ben and his family will have to deal with it. We all have our ways of dealing with losing someone close and not all of them are popular choices with friends and family, but you do what you have to to keep your own sanity. Big Hugs to you, and as Mitch said, hope Christmas is peaceful for you.

[Brewsterivy]

Janice, I once spoke with a priest about an issue, not as terrible as yours, but disturbing to me. I told him that a certain person continued to hurt me and that at the man's insistence I had to constantly forgive him because of my religion. The priest said yes, I should forgive the person, but that God did not wish for me to continue being hurt - that I should walk away. The priest wisely said that we have the choice to walk away from hurtful situations. It seems like your situation needs you to distance yourself from the hurt and try to heal yourself before you can begin to help others. The boy has family to help him.

I hope you can find peace within your heart this Christmas season.

Carol-Ivy