Holiday depression?

[snowball]

have you ever tasted the sugar cookie that has sour cream in it? have a friend that makes those or used to not sure her health is up to it now days...and she isn't that old!
sounds neat jenny!
sheila

[Bethers]

Doesn't it feel so good to do for others, Jenny? Until I started traveling in the rv, I made lots of fudge at Christmas - and the idea was to not eat too much - so had to give it away as fast as I could I promised Sparkle I'll make some this year - so going to have to buy all the ingredients soon. We can share with the Mexicans

[Getupngo]

I refuse to be depressed this year....why dwell on something you cannot change. Yes my youngest daughter died on Christmas Eve and my Father on Dec 27th but I have alot to be thankful for and need to remember all that I have and to do something nice for someone else. Even just opening the door for someone else gives joy. Last year I baked a batch of candy & cookies and delivered them to several neighbors with my Santa hat on and pulling my wagon full of goodies. I felt sooo good doing that and will do it again this year!

You said it, Jenny. Sorry for the tragedy for you around "the day," but you know the secret of joy ... putting out your hand to others. You are my hero(ine)!

[Pooker]

I wanna move next door to Jenny!

[ali1257]

Thanks for starting this thread Karen.

I have had many bouts of depression during the holiday season and decided last year that I was going to do everything I could to keep from getting depressed. I helped at our church as we gave out 200 Christmas Dinner Boxes and I am doing that again this year.

So far this year, even with all the stuff that has gone on (the trip that didn't happen, the fire, etc) I have no depression...I attribute it to my faith in the Lord, having a loving husband and healthy kids and grandkids and the knowledge that God loves me no matter what is going on. I am praising the Lord for a job when many don't have one, good health inspite of dealing with diabetes and a couple of other chronic health issues, and friends who love and care for me as if I was part of their family and for my immediate family. Don't get me wrong, things are difficult in some areas but I am not letting things overwhelm or over power me this year.

I wish for each of you to find the things that make you happy and to enjoy them. Merry Christmas to all of you. Thank you for being a part of my life.

[AlmostThere]

Ali, although the temps have been in the single digits and I hate being cold, I did heed a call from our church who decided to become a "warming place" for the homeless till it warmed up. Got an email listing what all was needed: such as coats, underwear, blankets, pillows, sleeping bags, hygiene supplies and food to feed them. Our main campus housed men only (had 30 the first night), and another campus housed women and kids. I took some coats and shoes and a few food staples but found the men needed underwear badly so I ran to the store and bought some. They were 'buy one get one 1/2 off" so I saved quite a bit. My point, finally, is how good it made me feel to give back. I'm sure others were enjoying the giving also as I saw hundreds of sleeping bags piled up along with hundreds of pillows at one end of our sanctuary! All this was accomplished within 15 hrs of conception by our pastor!

[Bethers]

Good for you, Lenora - and good for your church for opening it's doors during this cold spell there. And to all the others who contributed, also. And, yes, doesn't it feel good. To REALLY make a difference - not just talk about it.

Ali, yep, that's a great thing - and doing things like that make me feel like I'm doing what is intended during these holidays. I can't possibly think of getting depressed when I see how much more I have than so many others.

Edited to say: I have my short bouts with depression - don't we all - but I don't let it be about the holidays - and I try to kick myself in the butt as soon as possible to get over it. Sometimes one full day never leaving bed will do it

[Sparkle]

Beth picked up a really neat book at a Thrift store, it's called Songs from the Alley, by Kathleen Hirsch. It's a true story. Kathleen worked at a Shelter for two years and documented everything. She was the first person allowed to do this. I'll hold onto it, and when we have a GTG if anybody wants it just remember to ask. I also had Shadow Women, gave it to someone at the Florida GTG with the hope they would pass it on, but I've never heard what happened to it.

[BarbaraRose]

This thread brought tears to my eyes. My mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago. She was so into Christmas! She bought tons of presents for everyone she knew and made stockings for her grandkids and also for me. I really miss those stockings! She had tons of decorations and had us all over for a pre-Christmas dinner in her little apartment. She got the most excitement in watching everyone open their gifts that she put so much thought and love into. Since she's been gone, nothing is the same. Our family GTG's are so unispiring and everyone wants to just "get it over with" and rips open their presents all at once so no one knows who got what. I hate it. This year I got a little Charlie Brown Christmas Tree (with one little red ornament hanging on it) and that is good enough for me. The family decided not to do gifts this year at all. Maybe that is best since no one put any thought behind it anyways. My mom would be rolling over in her grave at what has happened to Christmas in our family now.
I also like to do Toys For Tots, or buy gifts for the residents of the nursing home my mom was in. It doesn't cost much but makes me feel better knowing I am making someone else feel better. I still get gifts for my furkids and they always appreciate what they get!
My dad's church has a special service the week before Christmas just for those who are lonely, down and/or depressed around the holidays. My dad goes to that and says it is very meaningful and uplifting.

Sometimes you have to create your own "family" and do what is meaningful for you, not what society says we should be doing.

Barbie

[soisew]

I sure did, after my daughter grew up and moved away from home and I was newly divorced. I was over 1000 miles from any kind of family -- that was hard. But I found my way through it.

I worked in retail during those bad days where the Holiday sets went up in October and never let go until after the 4th of July. That can tend to make someone either totally nuts or "all into it"! I got really tired of it and it only half helped me cope. I do feel Christmas, and or that matter -- all holidays are highly over done in attempt to support our economy. For some people it is thier only bright spot and for others it just get to be too much.

I'd highly suggest you treasure you past memories, go ahead and do a little decorating, if only in memory of your family from the past. Then just sit and remember, cry if you must then maybe visit children who have not lost the magic of Christmas or even at church.

[Bethers]

After reading the last couple posts, I got to thinking about my early childhood Christmas's. Do any of you remember when one or both sets of grandparents came for Christmas? Did they come? Or was your family your immediate family? If they did come - and then they died, how do you think your parents felt? Did they let it ruin Christmas for you - or were you not even aware? If they were never there - and your parents celebrated Christmas - do you think they might have missed the ones with their previous families - before they had the new one?

Families grow, change, etc all throughout our lives. And with those changes, so do our holidays change. I remember when I got married and the fusses made over which house you went to - I mean now we had different families. My Mom, oh wise one, told me I had MY OWN family now - and while she'd love to see me - she didn't want me to fight over her or my inlaws, but to make my own family - and invite both of them - sometimes they might come, othertimes not. She and my Dad lived too far from both sets of my grandparents to go to either one - and always invited both of them to our house. Some years one or the other would come - others they want to another of their childrens. And she had 3 children, each with different spouses, 2 with grandchildren - each of them with inlaws, etc - so how do you all get together without upsetting someone? Really, you don't.

Me, I'm glad things are always changing, even though sometimes I want to fight the changes kicking and screaming. I dont' miss my Mom any more on Christmas - I miss her all the time - as after I became an adult, at some point, we became best friends, also. Do I think she must have been depressed at any holiday? She must have been - but I never knew it - even after we were at the friendship phase.

And if I think way back to when my grandparents were young - it must have been harder for them. Families were just starting to move further away - they both were in different states from their parents and siblings - so of course they had to start on their own. The times, they have always been a'changing.

[BirdbyBird]

Beth...very interesting perspective on the issue. It does give me pause and makes me consider the present in light of the past from a slightly different angle. Growing up in the "first" family....my two siblings and myself experienced definite holiday traditions (with warm fuzzy memories attached) Grandparents were states away and never really a part of them. The grand parent connection came in the summers when we would head to Ill and spend time with all the cousins and the maternal grandpa in his large cottage on land that was his cattle ranch..... My mother was very close to her family and her father..... After my parents were divorced and my father remarried, any "traditions that we had had "morning opening of presents changes to evening opening" "the special angel that ALWAYs sat on the top of the tree was declared too old and shabby and "disappeared" one year"...... so I early learned not to depend on traditions for comfort..... When my children were young they grew up with grandparents close to them and saw them frequently and I was aware that their experiences and memories of holiday "traditions" are very very different than those early ones on mine. Having met my mother several times later in life as an adult...I was very aware of her bouts of depression, some of her mental and physical heath issues and her sense of lose and her actual loss of family history......she missed out on most of our growing up and adult lives...... I feel blessed that at least I have memories of those early experiences that are almost a physical reality as well has mental memory.....so that I know that there is more to be found......even if I don't find much to "connect" with in between. I have usually been able to find and /or create "pieces and parts" which in this world is miracle enough for me....

But I know that I have avoided creating "traditions" as a result of my experiences....perhaps because I recognized them as fleeting and imperfect or transient.....I have felt badly that maybe my children missed out because of my screwed up emotions...but Their world growing up with holidays and grandparents was so totally different than mine and had so many other players creating the themes, I finally figured out or hoped that my part in it was not that big.....it keeps me humble......Now that they are adults I have encouraged them to seek their own lives, traditions and memories.....and have tried to give them the freedom to create their own....especially since I don't have any suggestions of anything better....... If I am real lucky, they will create wonderful options and maybe let me remain a part of their lives and take a small part in some of their future traditions!

[Bethers]

Tina, I understand. And to clarify- when I say my Mom wasn't depressed at the holidays, she wasn't that I knew of. But she had many bouts of loneliness throughout the year - that she blamed herself for. She told us after my Dad died (I was 13 - she was around 50) she put everything into her job and her children. All of a sudden the day came she had to retire, her children were all gone - and she was alone. She had great troubles with that, as many, many do when they retire.

As to traditions. One year, the first after my first major split-up, a g/f and her 3 children were in the process of moving to one of the Caribbean Islands for a job. They sold all their winter clothing, moved out of their house and within 3 days were on a plane. Ha. A hurricane devastated St. Croix - where they were to go- and everything was stopped. They were homeless, without winter clothes (in northern Illinois) and she had no job. A few years before this her husband had died in a boating accident. They were major depressed. I invited them to move in my house temporarily as I was alone. No one knew how Christmas was going to feel. Well, a few weeks before Christmas, we went and bought a tree and I sat down and told them this tree is going to be like no other. There are no pre-existing expectations. We are going to decorate all with things we make (except the lights and tinsel). We strung popcorn and cranberries until our fingers were bleeding - especially her younger daughter. We made ornaments from paper. We planned a Christmas Eve party and invited a few friends. One brought his guitar and we sang Christmas carols and folk songs, etc all evening. We had a big dinner and opened the few inexpensive gifts we exchanged. Christmas morning, one of the girls came into my bedroom and thanked me. I asked for what. She said that even though she still missed her dad and her grandma, etc, I had just made her enjoy Christmas again. Why? Because we changed things up.

And guess what. My Christmas Day that year was spent working 12 hours, as usual during that time - I didn't see any of my family on either day - but I had a wonderful Christmas - all because I made my Christmas that year about those kids.

[Sparkle]

Beth's post made me think of what my mother went through during the war. Husband off fighting a war he didn't want to fight. Strict rationing (I was 14 before I tasted butter, Yuck! I like it now though) There were no Xmas decorations, strict blackout, no toys for sale in the stores. My mother wrote to my father, I guess a despairing letter, and he was talking to some of the other guys in his billet. Turns out one guy was from Dad's hometown and he had older children who had outgrown their toys. My Mom and the wife got in touch and I got Christmas presents, they were used, but do you think I noticed? BHut what a bleak 7 years that must have been, and not over for another 7. So 14 years of scrimping and making do. At least we didn't haver to worry about Thanksgiving.