Holiday depression?

[Cedar518]

... Now he's married to a member of one of the above-described massive clans. So they go there for the celebrations, and stop by to say hi to me. .

awwwww...... can't you go with them to your DIL's family?

[Getupngo]

Soos ... I appreciate what you're saying. I WAS invited to Thanksgiving one year at my son's in-laws, and a dozen elderly Mormons I didn't know were crammed into a small (really small) house with running, screaming children and football-entranced adults. It was the second Thanksgiving after DH died, and I was still walking around rather dazed, so that must have been part of it. I do fine with celebrations at my son's house with a lot of the same people (I've gotten to know them better).

But you're right ... if I feel left out, I should speak up. Last year, my son and wife did Thanksgiving at their house, and that was fun. If all turns out with my travel plans, I won't be in town next Thanksgiving. Maybe I'll extend a Christmas Day or Eve dinner invitation to the clan AND her parents this year. That could work out nicely.

[carold]

That's a great idea, Janice. And we'll all be there with you. carold

[Pooker]

My experience with sons (and I have 3) is that it's not a case of them thinking we are emotionally strong, sturdy and not lonely, but that it doesn't enter their darling little heads at all! If you happen to get blessed with thoughtful DILs, you may still get called or visited once in awhile. Mine are both ex's and both have my only granddaughters. One is on the east coast, so unfortunately we didn't get a close bond. Come to think of it, I was very close to my mother's family after my parents divorced and I had a wonderful relationship with my maternal grandmother, but I rarely saw my paternal grandmother, so things haven't changed much over the years. I'm not moaning and groaning, just stating facts. I'm in the same position my paternal grandmother was in with only 2 grandchildren who were not close. My feisty Maine Nana reshingled her roof at the age of 82! Did she feel lonely and wished she could see her children and grandchildren more often? Probably. I'm betting none of us even thought about it, though.

I guess it's our fault (isn't everything always the mother's fault?) because we always catered to our sons' needs, especially their emotional needs, and they grew up thinking we didn't need their attention all that much. Just a thought. Or perhaps girls are more apt to inherit the thoughtful gene than boys? Even if we tell them we need to see them once in awhile, they say they will - and then don't. Or you wait for hours because they never show up when they say they will. At least mine are like that. They mean well, and they intend to help me, but other stuff gets in the way (like their own busy lives). We just have to do whatever we can to help ourselves cope. A lot of that is being able to gripe to on-line friends!

Pooker

[JanetA]

My heart goes out to alll of you! I just wish we could ALL get together for Christmas and just Be WITH each other and love on each other and forget the traditional stuff.... Christmas is LOVE,,, isn't it? God is good and He gave me the gift of finding you girls! I thank Him every day for that!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you all... (happy holidays means to me,, the enjoyment of the whole season)

LOVE YA'LL

Janet

[Getupngo]

My experience with sons (and I have 3) is that it's not a case of them thinking we are emotionally strong, sturdy and not lonely, but that it doesn't enter their darling little heads at all! ...

THIS I know!

[Shirlv]

I think the old saying is true " A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all of her life". I married at 18 and it took me until I was 26 to sympathize and understand my mother-in-law.

[sharon]

Guess I'm lucky, my son and DIL call me all the time, unfortunately they live in Arkansas so I don't get to see them very often. My DIL is wonderful. Her mom passed quite a while ago and boy if I've been sick or something and she hasn't heard from me she raises he$$ with me. She says I'm the only mom they've got and I better take care of myself. She calls me "The Mama". When I get to where I need help I'm moving to Arkansas 'cause I know she'll cook dinner for me every nite and bring it to me!! Son already has my spot picked out on his property and says he'll either build me a house or put a mobil on, whatever I want. Daughter is getting better with age...

[carold]

Guess we're lucky too. My son calls all the time to just chit chat, ask how we are, and-if we are on western time, he LOVES to call and wake us up at 4:30 am. However, he only wants advice when asked for-not that it stops me carold

[AlmostThere]

I talk to my DD several times a week (lives 35 mi away), but my son I mostly text or email, since he's on a TDY with the Air Force. When he's at home (now in CA), I rarely talk with him, but chat everyday with his wife (DIL), mostly by email or text, too. He does call for my birthdays and Mother's Day without fail. He has told me that when he retires from the AF and figures out where he wants to put down roots, he'll build me a mother-in-law apartment or a small separate home on his property so then I can take off in my RV and not have to worry about someone watching my home etc. Now I really like that!!
PS He's to retire in two yrs.

[SeeyaGal]

I refuse to be depressed this year....why dwell on something you cannot change. Yes my youngest daughter died on Christmas Eve and my Father on Dec 27th but I have alot to be thankful for and need to remember all that I have and to do something nice for someone else. Even just opening the door for someone else gives joy. Last year I baked a batch of candy & cookies and delivered them to several neighbors with my Santa hat on and pulling my wagon full of goodies. I felt sooo good doing that and will do it again this year!

[snowball]

are we your neighbor??? granted it would be a long way to pull the wagon all the way to "Q" Yes we are on our way!!!
sheila

[SeeyaGal]

No the wagon is not going to Q! lol... I do have to take my wagon down to a friends house and dig up her fountain grass plant. She shared one with me a couple yrs ago and is huge in my yard and she wants to get rid of another one so I said I'd take it.

[snowball]

darn what kind of cookies any way??? it sounds like a good thing to do maybe I will have to give thought to doing that
one of our dd's and her son may come down for Christmas will be fun!!
sheila

[SeeyaGal]

Sugar cookies looking like trees and snowflakes, maybe Mexican teacakes, add some candy canes and a Christmas card