Holiday depression?

[JanetA]

I forgot to say in my last post..... I haven't put up a tree since my first husband (the father of my children) left. We always had Christmas @ my parents' and they put one up, ,so the kids and I were satisfied w/ that. It's sorta sad to think that he took our christmas away, but,, in a way, he did. But,, that doesn't mean I don't celebrate the season and the reason for it!

I enjoy the lights and other ppl's decorations and all the things that the town does to honor the season. I get into that, and it's enough for me. I let others go to the trouble of decorating and I enjoy that immensely. It's been so long, that I'm use to it and so I still get some sort of Christmas feeling. I do put up a few things around the house SOMETIMES, like Christmas candles and wreaths, or whatever I have,, just no tree. Gives the house enough of a feeling. If I had an rv, I would put up a stick on wreath on one of the windows, and that would do for me. (Ha) ALso, most years I sing with the church choir singing their Christmas cantata, although, this year I did not because I was so busy w/ late season football playoffs and dr's appts for the folks, etc. I have grandkids to shop for as well as a few others,, so ,,, well, my point is,,, i just don't let myself get blue. SOmeday, perhaps, when the kids get grown,, who knows. I think it helps when all is well w/ your children,, Cuz when you're worried about them not having a good life,, it can't help but spill over onto your mood a bit.

It is a great comfort to me to have God in my life,, and have a close relationship w/ Him. Without it,, I could do nothing!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all my dear friends! ANYHOW!

[retiredhappy]

OK mitch, you made me smile. I called the Catholic church and offered to drive someone to church. Altho I'm not Catholic I've always enjoyed Xmas mass. Its so nice to have all you ladies to whine to. Makes it much easier to get thru the season with the support of you all. Right now I'm really enjoying sitting here watching all the little birds emptying my feeder as fast as they can. I had forgotten how beautiful redwing blackbirds are and how feisty.

[JanetA]

am living for the day when I can DE-JUNK! ! !

[Rufflesgurl]

Liz - Thank you for your Luke 2:10-11 reminder that HE is the REASON for the season!! I love the Christmas musical at church. I usually take someone's name from the angel tree and get that family something.

This year I'm preparing for my daughter to give birth to her twins sometime early spring but one of her showers is at my house this weekend so that has kept me very busy. Funny thing, we used to go all out for Christmas - beautiful tree, lights, decorations and lots of gifts BUT haven't done that for a few years. Now we are concentrating on the twins!! What a blessing.

Merry Christmas to all - God is Love.

Linda

[Echo]

Holiday depression? I don't know if I would call how I feel depression? I get bummed out with the season when I think about the holidays period. The ones of Thanksgiving and Christmases past. The family, the get togethers, the food, the drinks, the laughter and the fun. With so many family members gone, split up and moved to other parts of the country they will never happen again. So yeah I get bummed out.

Kelly and I ourselves don't really do Christmas anymore. Last year with the four of us living together we did. But before that we had stopped with the decorating and stuff. We bought each other a couple of gifts and that was it. This year a celebration of Christmas is still up in the air. Jello as everyone says. If we are still here at Christmas we will do something as David and Jenny already have a tree sitting outside waiting to be set up and decorated. But if we leave before that? At this point I have no idea where we will be or what we will do. Camped out somewhere that's for sure! Maybe we will have a tiny tree with battery operated lights? Probably only 6" high and put it on a picnic table?

No matter what ya do or how you celebrate it? I hope that everyone has a meaningful Christmas!

[Excel]

I'm so glad that I decided to take some time today & check out the posts...It never ceases to amaze me that I am not alone in my feelings. Like others, I have some absolutely wonderful memories of Christmas (God is good!) that are in the past & have been for some time now. So, the holidays are depressing as some of those thoughts pop up no matter how I try to not have them. I wish I could go to sleep & just wake up when they're all over. As one that during the 'good' times went overboard on gifts & giving...it's hard to realize that not only can I not afford that luxury anymore, but 'family' isn't what it was back when either. I'm disappointed that though I tried to initiate how important it is to give rather than receive, it just didn't rub off. I used to take my young Grandchildren to the Safeway & have them pick out Turkey dinners & all the fixings so we could take them to the Homeless shelters, and we'd take tags off of the Christmas tree in the Mall & buy a gift for those children...Of course, to my knowledge none of my kids do that.
Anyway, talking about it just makes me sad...so I'll share this...as it brought warmness to my heart this holiday season (and by the way, I'M NOT SAYING....HAPPY HOLIDAYS...IT' S MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!)....Anyhow...I have a Grandson who is having hard times & who has a job that is going down the drain....I knew he wouldn't have money for any 'luxuries' , so I shopped a sale at Kohl's...and bought a lovely 7' pre-lit Christmas tree & a few ornaments...I got the Star for the top, a small manger for under the tree and an ornament that says 'BELIEVE'....then I went to his small condo (I have a key in case of emergencies)...and put it all up....It was just beautiful....(done all this for about $80....which I really couldn't afford). This was on Saturday. He was off work at 8 PM and by 8:15, I got a phone call...."GRANDMA....WHAT DID YOU DO ?????" He was soooo excited and grateful....said it made his little place feel like home & was so cheerful.... THAT made my Christmas....Now the end of the story....A friend who owns a small business packing Christmas basket orders, said she had this really big order & didn't know how she was going to meet the deadline to fill it....I offered to help her in any way I could & of course did not expect to be paid....she's my friend.... I helped her yesterday for several hours & when leaving she wanted to pay me, which I objected to, etc.,etc. Anyhow, she was so adamant I just took the cash & put it in my pocket. When I got home I pulled my keys out of my pocket & the money came out too....It was $80.....God is good....To all of you, I'm saying a prayer for you that you overcome your depression & do enjoy the real meaning of the coming holiday...for no matter what religion you believe in...there is an Almighty looking out for you & you really are not alone....God Bless

[mitch5252]

When I got home I pulled my keys out of my pocket & the money came out too....It was $80.....God is good....To all of you, I'm saying a prayer for you that you overcome your depression & do enjoy the real meaning of the coming holiday...for no matter what religion you believe in...there is an Almighty looking out for you & you really are not alone....God Bless

Amen.

What a great story. THAT'S the way Christmas should be.
Thanks for sharing.

..

[Shirlv]

I have adapted over the years. My children have grown and have their own families and combined families. Christmas day changed with the yours and mine, so many people so much noise. I started a new tradition, just my family on Christmas Eve. I am fortunate that my family lives close enough to share holidays. I still put up a 7 ft tree, play music while I decorate, lights outside. Some years it is a struggle but I am always glad I went to the trouble. New Years Eve was a bummer for me, all dressed up and nowhere to go. Now I buy a lobster, Osti Spumati and spend the evening with B.B. King. I usually faded out around 11:00. I really get the heppy jeppies after the holidays, being shut up in the house, waiting for spring. I guess it is the lack of sunshine. I have an rv and could move to sunshine if not for the rotten economy. This too shall pass

[Birdie]

Well, my story is a lot like bits and pieces of everyone else. We had very little when I was growing up. We would have one toy, and one maybe two clothing items we needed, an apple or orange - maybe I'd get the apple and sis would get an orange and the boys would get the same type of thing. There would be a package of mixed candy - that surgary stuff that you would suck on for hours. The family would get a big puzzle. What a great time we had. As I became older, hard for you to believe I know, the presents became more a gift of giving than receiving.

Still get excited at the real theme, Baby's birthday, and the fact that I will have him forever in my mind, soul, life no matter how good or bad I am. Thankful for the celebration. Don't like the commercial part of the season, but I live with it. Enjoy seeing the young children who have recognized what Christmas is for the first time. However, I am not sure if they really know beyond "Santa". I pray that one day they will recognize the significance of Santa's giving and relate that to Christ's giving - maybe they can transition from "giving a gift" to "giving a life".

I don't decorate like I used to, primarily, time moves to quick for me. You know how it is, I was going to do it tomorrow and that is now yesterday. But I do have a little fiber optik on my kitchen table and 4 little red flickering battery candles. I love to sit and remember all the fun times - and no it doesn't depress me because it was always so much fun. Everyday in life for me, is making memories for the future. It just has to be good because I love to remember and grin, smile a lot and down right laugh.

Entertained a child at Wal-Mart in the check out counter yesterday - about Christmas and good and bad and fun, and the baby's birthday. I had fun! The little girl had fun! Mom just put stuff on the counter to pay for it - I like to think she appreciated me doing a bit of baby watching for her while she was busy emptying the cart !!!

Giving is always a gift, whether it be time, energy, monetary things, the effort is worth it. Life is Good and YES God is Great.

[Pooker]

Karen -

I think you have probably hit a nerve in a lot of us. I know exactly how you feel. It is very hard to remember happier times and not wish they were still here. After my DH died, I just couldn't continue the stocking tradition because I would get so sad knowing I wouldn't have a stocking filled with trinkets from him. I will never get another present from him and he was a wonderful gift giver. Almost always chose gorgeous things for me. Well, there was that one year early on when he gave me a double boiler, but he soon learned that was not a great idea!

With a family that is all fractured and scattered, I feel isolated around the holidays. Actually, I'd love to take a cruise or something instead of staying home, but they aren't set up for a single with their double occupancy pricing.

I know I have to carve a new life, but darned if I know what that new life should be. I want the old one back, and I can't have that. The first Christmas alone I tried to put up our lovely tree and discovered I couldn't put it together! I bought myself a little Charlie Brown pre-lit tree. Now I love my little tree, but it's still hard to decide what to do with a garden shed full of outdoor lights, tree ornaments and Christmas decorations. Yes, I have a shed full of just Christmas stuff! It was always my favorite time of the year. This year I gave three storage boxes of things to Goodwill and put out about 4 boxes (my Nativity, the Dickens village and my collection of music boxes). The rest will wait until a later time to cull. Won't be easy! I have a 50-year collection.

Let's do our best to have a peaceful and hopeful holiday time.

Pooker

[Bethers]

I'm reading these posts and discovering a lot of people are with family and not celebrating because they aren't with the family they grew up with. Or because some things changed. That's exactly what is the problem with some holidays. And if you read about the Christmas suicides, it's not normally the people alone - it's someone WITH a family but depressed - like a father who loses a job and can't spend enough money to get the good presents that are expected, etc. And if you live alone, you only have to be alone on a holiday if you choose to.

Kudos to you, Karen, for taking the ball by the horn and taking someone to church. I had a family and elected some years to work. One I took wards of the state at a state facility to Christmas mass on Christmas Eve - the next year, I stayed back with those that didn't attend mass (who, like me were not Catholic) - and these girls/boys all had families but couldn't be with them for various reasons. I went home to discover my family celebrated without me and were all sleeping. I felt happy that I could do for others.

I've worked to serve food some years - and just plain worked others. I had family, but many don't, so I chose to let those with enjoy and spent other times with my family. That said, when I was married, I was EXPECTED to spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas day with my in-laws. Theye didn't even want us to go to my family either day. So, instead of fighting, we split the eve between both houses, spent early morning together - then I worked all day to let some people off who had young children, etc.

No, I'm not trying to sound like I'm a saint - far from it - but being alone isn't necessary - there are lots out there in much more dire straights - do for them - and you not only won't be alone, but you'll feel good about yourself - AND you'll be living the day in the spirit it should be lived.

OK, off my soap box.

[rvgal]

Just another thought about volunteering for the holidays - there are thousands of homeless pets in shelters & their hardworking staff need time off during the holidays. So volunteering at an animal shelter might be a possibility too.

[Getupngo]

I think the thing that has always eaten my lunch a bit here in family-oriented Utah has been my lack thereof. While here people have lots of kids and large, extended families with roots in the community for generations, the only blood-relation I have here is one I gave birth to. Now he's married to a member of one of the above-described massive clans. So they go there for the celebrations, and stop by to say hi to me. I realize that's the natural order of things, but sometimes it just gets to me.

So I watch those commercials, and wonder why, when large, loving families were handed out, I was standing behind the door.

[retiredhappy]

I don't dare volunteer in any pet related area. I'd end up with the RV full as they all break my heart and I want to take them all home.

[Nasoosie]

Janice, I wish you lived closer to me....you could be my family over the holidays!

Does your son know you feel lonely and left out? Have you ever told him and his wife how you feel? Remembering back to when my mother was alive, I never knew when she probably felt lonely and wanted me to visit her, because she never let me know. Now that I am there, I know what she must have felt like. And I am so ashamed for not realizing it, and visiting her more often.

Would it be possible for you, too, to be included in the wife's mega-family? Perhaps a whole new family-feeling could open to you and all your future grandkids, etc. I say, ASK and TELL how you feel.

I think being honest about feelings is always the best policy, even if it takes guts to fess up. My guess is that your son might think you are made of iron and don't miss him and family GTGs at all. What's to lose? And there could be everything to gain.

Hugs from me and licks from Molly