I am soooo homesick!

[Gentleladybear]

The feeling of so much lonliness will pass when you put the wheels on the road again. Making that change in a few weeks will give you the opportunity to meet new people, new situations and the chance to "fit" with new people. Always when you see couples you get a longing to have that closeness that you remember sharing with your DH. It is a feeling that will always be there, that is what makes holidays and celebrations so very difficult. But when you step away from those situations and go for a walk, or change locations the feeling will pass. But the lonliness will wash over you like a wave when you least expect it. But if you weather it through, tomorrow will be brighter and a treasured moment will happen that will make you know you are on the right path for you.

Many of us here can relate to what you are feeling as we have all been through something similiar at this stage of our lives. Don't ever feel that telling us what you feel is silly as we have all felt that at one time or another.

Nan

[AlmostThere]

Hi, Janice,
Being recently divorce I can understand 'some' of what you are feeling. I, too, find it so hard to socialize when it's usually all couples. I use to get envious, jealous, angry and in the end, just plain lonely. It will be 3 years on Nov. for me and it's just been this past month that I have noticed how some of those feeling are falling away. I did learn in some recovery classes I took, that I have to be completely healed before moving on to another relationship. God will provide. Keep the faith! Hugs!

[oliveoil]

I did learn in some recovery classes I took, that I have to be completely healed before moving on to another relationship

I don't know if there is such a thing as "completely healed"!!!!!!!

My first Husband was an abusive person-------& our daughter is over 40 years old now & I have been remarried for over 30 years------ & it still hurts me to know how badly my first Husband deals with our daughter yet today!

Sometimes I still have a knee jerk reaction to my hubby now --from abuse I suffered in my first marriage! "Completely healed"-----I don't think that ever happens!!!! I still have a lot of scar tissue!!

We move on-----& move into another chapter in our lives-------but sometimes that hurt can still raise it's ugly head! You just find other ways to deal with it!!!!!!!

Years ago----When I said-- I don't ever want to get married again-- I don't need a man---- God made me eat those words & brought my Husband into my life along with his five children!!!!!!

We have been through so many chapters in our lives together-----& I think this one we are in now is one of the best so far!!!!!! Once we live through the sizing down phase!!!!!

I totally agree---- When we let God lead us------God will provide the very best for us & meet our needs!! What ever those needs are!!!!!!!

Blessings to you--------

[Getupngo]

A night out with some folks and a good night's sleep has helped. I suspect I was just going through another "grief bubble." It's almost always with me, but at a low level. I need to be careful about feeding it with extraneous stuff and just feel the actual feeling -- rather than turning to hopeless self-talk.

Thanks everyone for your support. One thought I still can't get out of my mind however .... Zeee's Italian food ... Yum! THAT is comfort food!

[snowball]

Janice
Guess what if you were here I could give you hug's. Sitting at this moment in SLC at my son's home. And we could have a gtg but instead will send you one (((((Janice))))))) and when you come back we will meet for a cup of hot chocolate still want to try out the cocoa cafe It will get better just some days are real downers... and you did what you could took a nap woke up and looked forward....
take care see you in either Sept or Oct
Sheila

[calicogirl]

I am the same way. I lost my hubby 2 1/2 yrs ago. Before I sold my RV it was hell.
I would see husbands and wives walking and having a good time. I would cry, that is
when I knew I was not ready for a RV and camping. I need more time. I miss him
so much.
Calicogirl

[Getupngo]

Calicogirl, I am so sorry for the loss of your DH. My Jim and I were river rats ... white water river runners. It was our shared passion. I tried to run rivers after he died -- the skies would be blue, the water big, people great -- and I was miserable. He wasn't ahead of me in the oar rig, showing me the route around the big churning holes ... watching to make sure I got through okay ... or there to pull me out of the drink if my little boat capsized. Now I feel like I'm flying without a net.

So the motorhome is a change of venue for me. He never was interested in RVing, so this is where I go when I need to have MY life, one that wasn't shared with him. Sometimes the house gets so closed-in with memories and loss, I need to run away (hence my rig's name -- the Escape Capsule).

That's a long way of saying I understand why you sold the RV. I know I couldn't bear seeing an empty seat beside me if that's where my DH had sat, sharing the road. I'd feel like my heart was ripped out. I find it easier, by and large, being around people who didn't know us as a couple.

There are so many ways of going through this hard work of grief. We all find our own way. It helps to lean on those who have also gone through this journey.

[calicogirl]

Janice
Amen to what you had to say.
2 days ago I booked a trip to the Wisconsin Dells that is something
my hubby and I never never did. If he couldn't go in his 5er he just wouldn't
go any place. *He passed before we could go. This trip sounds
like fun so I have high hopes of having fun. NO driving or booking rooms its all in the
package.
I wish the RV thing would have worked out, maybe someday it will, just not
at this time.

I do hope everything goes well for you.
Kathy (Calicogirl)

[Getupngo]

Veda, I noticed that you just joined our forum. Welcome, and thanks for your story. I could really relate. In that first year, every time I had to do something that he always handled, I would get sooo angry. When I had to pull out the snow blower and for the first time clear a 70-foot driveway (which he always did quietly without fanfare whilst I blithely applied mascara) I simultaneously cried and thanked him for all he did for me.

He also was the shopper and cook. I have not eaten as well since, and that first trip to the store was one more slap telling me he was gone forever. I'm realizing how long forever is.

On the flip side, I continued to have "spats" with him (read: yelled at dead people) over our usual areas of contention. We were polarized over a few issues, and when through death he simply let go of his end of the rope I got to realize how passive-aggressive I had been.

[Liz]

Janice,

I lost my husband almost 5 years ago, and I'm still trying to figure out what I should do with the rest of my life. But, God is leading me and I'm doing my best to follow his will for me. When those lonely, lost moments come, I try to do something nice for someone else, it always picks me up, even if it's just a phone call. Physical exercise always helps my mood too.

Hope the moment is now long past, and you are planning great adventures for yourself.

[Getupngo]

Thanks Liz. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. I'm coming up on the 4-year anniversary of Jim's death. How the time flies ... and how slowly it goes by. Quite a journey.

Your recommendations are good ... I'll try to remember them the next time the "Black Dog" comes and sits on my chest. It's harder to do the "good deed" thing here because I'm away from my family and friends. But I do try every day to make my customers laugh and feel comfortable as I'm teaching them to do something that is really scary for some of them.