by Nasoosie » Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:34 am
It always surprises me how many of us mothers are members of that grieving group who have lost children. When it happens to you, you tend to think you are the only one to have experienced such a loss.
People in our society don't like to talk about losses as those in other societies do, nor do they like to show emotions as easily as other cultures/societies are able to do. I don't know if it's because those around us are feared for our sanity, or just don't know how to react to such losses, or don't know what to say, or don't know how to cope with a person who is crying openly----whatever it is, I know that I was really helped by temporarily joining a group of mothers who had lost children. There we were all able to cry, scream, get angry, blame ourselves, question the world----all the things that are NORMAL to do when faced with the loss of a child. And we all agreed our family members and friends were uncomfortable talking about our feelings and the situation. We as youngsters don't have much training in or exposure to grief, and I think it's not a healthy situation for any of us. Many families tend to 'protect' kids from the feelings that death of a loved one causes, rather than sharing feelings and allowing the kids to share in the grieving processes, with guidance, of course, from someone who has lived through it.
Just an opinion-----but I sure do wish I hadn't frightened my family members and friends so much when I needed to go through all the stages of grief. It was comforting to learn that what I was going through was normal. Being allowed to cry openly with nothing other than a warm body being nearby to hug and get comfort from is the best therapy. No words from others are even necessary.....especially well-intentioned words such as, 'She's in a better place now.' (Perhaps, but without me?)
Hugs and understanding and comfort to your friends, Lenora.
Life is about learning to dance in the rainHappy travels!