Thursday

[Bethers]

I'm going to continue the discussion on yesterday's morning coffee re Sheila, Mom and help. I think Mom needs to be told help is needed for both of them and if not this then someone else. And this is not coming out of pocket cost wise. Sheila, you've been so much help but your health needs to be considered, also, as others are saying. I think this is a time that decisions need to be made that Mom might not like, but are necessary.

Ginger and another friend stopped by to pick up a storage box that came with my casita, v sitting on the porch. I don't use it and have been procrastinating about what to do with it. Yesterday I offered it to Ginger. Today a friend of hers with a vehicle easier to transport it was asked if she'd be able to help. She said ok, let's go lol. So now I'm rearranging something's inside and I have another table I'll keep outside when I'm here. Fingers going to stop by again tomorrow morning for a plant or two we're digging up from my yard for her and I'll borrow her to help me move the table (very lightweight) but instead of having to move what it's sitting behind, with her help we'll be able to lift it up and over the piece of furniture it's behind. Then I'll be back deciding how everything else will be placed this time around lolol

When Ginger is here tomorrow morning I'll also be trying to clean up an area of a dying plant plant and some bad weeds that keep expanding the territory their in.

[Othersharon]

Good afternoon Beth and all. I’ve been going to post all day it seems but something always interfered. Spent time attempting to log on to my bank and finally had to call them which of course took time once I finally got to a human to help me. So hoping that’s fixed now! Shelia, I agree with what Beth posted a bit ago and all the other comments. At this point it’s gotten to the point of being more than the family can handle alone. We had hospice for my mom and my husband and am so glad we did. I can understand your mother reluctance but this may be the time the family has to overrule her for her own sake as well as all of you. The rain has started again here and looks like the forecast changed again and this may last for several days with the possibility of rain each day. And the temperatures are going down too which doesn’t thrill me. I liked the high 70’s we’ve been having. Beth, sounds like you are resettling in your casita to make it home. Karen, you have some nice plans for your raised beds. Hope your weather clears up so you can get them in the ground. I’ve been trying to decide what to do with the 2 beds out in front of my house and about decided to try to put in some sun/heat loving shrubs and just mulch around them. And something that doesn’t require constant care. Just need to find something to put in there. I think I’m done with doctor appointments for the next 6 months too. Bloodwork and all came back okay so for that I’m grateful. My sodium runs low but finally the doctor is admitting that it is my norm. Took awhile for them to reach that conclusion. So that’s it for my news. Buddy and I didn’t get a walk today but we did play in the backyard. Still can’t convince him that the treadmill is a good thing! Hope you all have good rest of your day.

[OregonLuvr]

Good afternoon. Been working in the beds this morning, dug up a pitiful Azalea and planted a different type in it's place. Got my plant cages in the ground in my big raised bed so ready to plant my beans I am soaking right now so will do that later when it cools off or tomorrow morning. Also will plant the onion sets and tomato plants. Planted a couple of rose bushes I bought for containers. I am not a rose person but hey if they grow and live in the containers I am there. They need full sun so that works for me. I had a couple in my previous home and I just cut and trimmed them when I felt like it, threw a little food at them and they flourished so these better do the same or they will be replaced LOL I was thirsty and hungry so came in and had a big glass of water and some lunch. Lots better now. It was getting very hot outside in the sun so guess I am done for now.

I agree with you all on Sheila's predicament. Sheilas health will suffer more if she doesnt get some help. Her Mom would just have to be mad if I needed the help. This just cannot be her decision. I think it is called tough love. Once in a while that is what is necessary. And once it is in place her Mom would know it isnt so bad. I had Hospice for my Mom and they were a godsend. My friend Malia who had the lung cancer had them, they have access to so many resources. They sent an aid to sit with my Mom so I could go do errands or just get away for a few hours. Was free also. She wasnt a caregiver just kind of a sitter. Hope you all stick together and reconsider. After all YOU are the caregiver the rest of your family is just a helper once in a while. You need the help.

So going to just relax this afternoon and reevaluate what I will do this evening in the yard.

[chalet05]

Good afternoon,

I also wondered why hospice for Sheila's mother wasn't a done deal. I know it has to be hard to contradict a mom, but Sheila's health needs to be considered, too. Really hate reading about all the horrendous storms!

It's a beautiful day so I washed the pollen off the Sling along with some child's footprints who apparently walked across the seats! I didn't cover it because I figured pollen was easier to clean than cat urine. I'm about caught up on inside chores after being gone so probably grocery shopping tomorrow. I don't think they plan anything for Monica until the biopsy is back so I should take off for a day or two next week while the weather is nice.

My hearing aids do not connect directly to the TV and audiologist says a transmitter is the way to go. Do any of you know anything about them? He told me they run about $350, but Amazon has some for a lot less although sound quality is an issue on several of them. One of the consumer sites recommendations weren't for expensive ones either.

I've been considering a dash cam for the car and yesterday a Sling friend in Texas had a good FB post. He was not in his Sling, but a motorcycle cop clipped his vehicle's right front fender and blamed it on Tim. Tim sent the video in and that was the end of that!

[Bethers]

Anita, my hearing aids before this one came with a Bluetooth device and connected to my phone, TV's, etc. Because I cut corners with my current ones, I didn't get that but probably will next time.

[Acadianmom]

I didn't do much today. Washed a load of clothes and walked the dog. My foot is feeling a little better so took a chance and walked. If something wasn't hurting I wouldn't know I was alive.

There is bad weather coming from Texas again. I think It's suppose to stay mid state. The winds are suppose to be 60 mph. Hope we don't have more tornadoes.

I am going to lunch tomorrow with some of my camping friends. It's at a cafe in a kitchenware store? I need to look and see if there is a menu on line.

We had a discussion about dash cams at dinner the other night. I have been thinking about getting one too. There are so many crazy drivers.

Martha

[JudyJB]

Unfortunately, Tina is right that you cannot force an elderly relative to do something unless a doctor will declare them incompetent. About a year before we were able to do that, my uncle was hospitalized and my aunt insisted in spending the night with him there. Except she thought it was a cruise ship and then a fancy hotel and tried to order room service. At home, neighbors had been bringing them meals because they kept forgetting to eat. ANd yet, the doctor in the hospital would not declare them incompetent! It can be extremely frustrating.

However, Sheila, when you mentioned hospice helping with showers the other day, I kept thinking that one of theses days, YOU are going to fall while showering her. She might fall first, pulling you down, or you might just slip because of her weight. At least, you need to get another family member or in-home nursing to help you with that task.

It is not easy. I had to do a lot of lying to my own mother to get her to accept help when she had dementia. It was positive lying, not to cheat her out of anything. I had a sore arm, problems with arthritis, etc. and could not help her, etc.

Drove through heavy rain today to get to Cordele, GA, but I looked at my rig as I was hooking up electric and realized how clean it now was!! Got a free truck wash during the storm.

[Bethers]

This might sound mean, but often family can convince the parent that they need the help. Especially if you say things like without this extra help you could end up in a care center or even a nursing home. Doctors have no trouble making those decisions. Sheila, I think in your case you can present it that this would be a great help for YOU and your mom. It doesn't hurt to try.

[snowball]

my brother thinks that part of mom's hesitation is that she knows people that go into hospice that die...well guess most of them do and she thinks we are preoccupied with her dying why she thinks that I don't know as we really don't talk about it... she can seem competent one moment then the next (maybe not literally) you wonder where she went... my brother was going to come over tomorrow but decided to come on Monday and talk with her again we want her to want to be in the program not because we are forcing the issue... it would be a big help to have the extra help... I do leave mom while I go to the store appt church ect but try to not be gone much longer than 2=3 hours a time and try to do that only a couple times a week it would be a good help right now to know how to do her pain I gave her a generic tylenal about 6 she has been muttering how she hurts and needs a pain pill which according to the discharge papers I can give every 4 hours (I'd been told every 6) but if I give her the pain pill at 10 then it will be too early to give a tramadol at 12 ... only an hour away guess we will live through it... I think it depends upon the hospice as to how much help you get when Larry was in it I couldn't get someone to stay with him while I went and did something anything... they didn't have enough volunteers I really hope this one is different ... although I guess I probably won't be gone that much more anyway... That is one of the things we want to explain to mom and think that if it's just brother and myself here that perhaps it might help ... she is always said she doesn't want to be a burden but then somethings up making her so... we want to help her realize that she can help us help her by signing the papers so she can have more help
thank you all for your thoughts...
really haven't done much just remembered I was going to water plants but forgot till now guess it will happen tomorrow
made chicken salad sandwiches for supper need to figure out something or tomorrow or perhaps have the soup I made last night may have enough the chicken rice casserole went with the niece
you all have a great day
sheila

[BarbaraRose]

Sheila, I think when anyone hears the word "hospice" they think of being on their death bed. Maybe you and your brother can explain to her the upside of getting help and reassure her that it is only to help her and to help you to help her, and settle her fears of "this is the end for her" mindset.
Sometimes, sugar-coating certain things isn't necessarily a bad thing if it gives the person a more positive feeling about something they are worried about.