Yikes. What would you do?

[Cudedog]

Had an "interesting" afternoon today. Not sure what to do next. . .

Background: After more than three years of isolation (pandemic) I have decided that I need to get out and socialize, or I will lose my mind. If I haven't already.

I have recently re-joined a local rock club that I was previously a long-term member of. I had been invited (I hadn't applied - I had been invited) to attend an "intermediate wire-wrapping class" by one of the members, which was today, and and I had said "yes". Sounded like fun. (In the past, these kinds of classes have been welcoming of different techniques, and kind of open-ended).

After driving 40 minutes (one way - 80 minutes round-trip) to the location, I discovered that only a specific technique was to be taught. One that I was not interested in. The instructor seemed pretty interested in talking about herself, and spent about the first 1/2 hour (out of a two-hour class) with "show and tell" of her own items. None of which showed any particular level of skill or quality - or maybe they just were not to my taste.

When the class actually started, and I had a "why" question, her response was "Just do it. This is how it is done". Not helpful. I asked if I could just sit there and "do my thing", at first she said "no", and then she said "well, ok". I think she said ok. Maybe she didn't. I was upset at her abrupt and condescending comments, and didn't really know what to do.

Again, this class had been advertised as "intermediate wire wrapping". I should have inquired - in advance - exactly what this meant (I didn't - my bad) and I should have also determined if alternate methods could be used during this class (I didn't - my bad). I should have inquired who the instructor was to be (I didn't - my bad).

At this point, I had two choices. Either make my apologies and leave, or continue to sit there, doing my own version of "intermediate wire wrapping". First of all, it seemed incredibly rude for me to just get up and leave. Second of all, Since I had driven so far, and I am hungry for socialization, I decided to stay.

This was clearly the wrong choice.

During the class, the instructor began to send barbed comments in my direction. That it was difficult and stupid to use tape (in the early part of the process tape is often used to hold things together before the stone is firmly wrapped).

I was using tape.

She also said that she never uses round wire (she uses square wire) because round wire slips and slides and falls off the piece, and just won't hold. She also said that she learned "years ago" not to use round wire.

I was using round wire, as I have done for many years. With great success, I might add.

She also said that sterling silver wire is best, she always uses silver wire, and then told the same story about three times of the deal she got on silver wire some years back.

I was using copper wire.

She was quite the talker, and had absolutely nothing good to say about me, what I was doing, how I was doing it, and the materials I was using.

Through all of this, I was pretending not to hear her. This was not as difficult as it might sound, because I am "in the zone" when I am making jewelry, and it is easy to ignore outside distractions.

I finished my piece by the end of the class, and she asked to see it. I handed it over. She looked it over with a sour look on her face and said to all present, "Well, look at this! This really isn't anything more than a. . . uh!. . . basket weave! You have put a few squiggles and curls in your wire to make it look a little bit better, but it is still nothing more than a simple basket weave!!"

I remained silent.

I actually have no idea whether or not what I do is some kind of basket weave.. It's just what I do.

After the class, I thanked the instructor (I like to keep the peace - she gave me a dirty look) then I went over to the person who opens the building, and said "Thank you so much for being here and setting this up. I really enjoyed myself. I will take this piece home and oxidize it, and bring it back and donate it to the club." I was sincere, and I smiled at her. (The club uses member-donated items for various raffles and such.)

She replied: "If I had known you didn't intend to actually take the class, I could have gotten someone else in. Now I'm going to have to schedule a whole another class!!" (The classes are free).

I apologized.

I kind of felt like I was punched in the gut. Kind of took my breath away.

I am pondering what to do next.

Couple of questions: Should I have just left at the beginning of the class? Should I still donate this finished piece of jewelry to the club? Should I offer to pay for the stone (the stone is a "practice stone", and the club does sell these kinds of stones for a minimal amount) and keep the jewelry piece?

What would you do?

One part of me says that I was poorly treated, the other part of me says that I probably deserved it. I am really upset about this.

I don't know whether to go back (this is a club I had been a member of for many years), or write the whole thing off.

Thanks.

Anne

[Shirlv]

Anne, I think the instructor handle the interaction very badly. She could have explained the class and what she would teach with out the attitude. The class wasn’t what you expected or wanted. I wouldn’t go back. I think your treatment was unacceptable. I wouldn’t donate either. I’m upset and I wasn’t there.

[chalet05]

I've had more than one conversation lately about how disrespectful people have become. I totally agree with Shirl! In hindsight, after about the 3rd nasty remark, I would hope I would gather my things, make my apologies for not having a clear picture of the class content and left.

[Bethers]

Yes, what Shirl said. You went above and beyond. I wouldn't offer them anything. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

[monik7]

I agree with Shirl and the others. I just don’t understand rude people. You did nothing wrong Anne. I think you maintained your composure honorably. You did nothing wrong. I wouldn’t go back.
Sandi

[snowball]

I am so sorry Anne that you had to experience this unkindness... I so do get why people have to be rude and unkind... is there anyone that you still know that belongs to the club perhaps you can reach out to them... I don't know why she was so critical you do beautiful work
I think I would forget about her but do reach out and try an social time
sheila

[JudyJB]

Ditto, ditto, ditto, ditto, and ditto!

At least the class was free, and you certainly got what it was worth from this rude lady--nothing!!

[MandysMom]

As Judy sad, Ditto the other comments! I probably would have just left. ESP after the instructor was rude! Sorry you were put through that!
Velda

[Pooker]

Yup! Wholeheartedly agree. I think I'd look for a different social group - perhaps you'll even find some like souls closer to home. Personally, I wouldn't go back, wouldn't donate, and certainly not offer any more apologies (which are actually due you)!

Evie

[Shirlv]

Anne, do not give that instructor another thought. You are a creative talented artist so make something positive out of this negative experience. Is there a senior center, community center, etc where you might initiate a club or class. I know nothing about Facebook but would think there might be a group there. Even if you meet one or two people at McDonalds for coffee to discuss starting something. Use your creativity to do it right. ((Hugs )))

[BarbaraRose]

You were way more patient and tolerant than I would have been! I don't take verbal abuse from anyone (got more than my share from childhood! ). I would have walked out without apology after the second rude comment.

You did nothing wrong (other than maybe staying too long and putting up with it, but that is just me. )
You owe them nothing. Carry on with your great work and leave that group behind.

There are Meet-Up groups you can join for social activities, etc. Check them out (Meetup.com)

My personal opinion is the instructor was jealous of your work. Art is a personal expression. There is no right or wrong or better or worse way to do anything that is creative. You do what feels right and no one has the right to criticize that.

Sorry you had to experience that. Chalk it up to a learning experience (not for the artwork but for the experience itself), and move on to better experiences elsewhere. Not all instructors are so rude and insecure.

(((hugs)))

[MandysMom]

Barbara said it well.
Velda

[OregonLuvr]

Well most of you would know what my answers to Anne's questions would be, as they watched my butt exit. I am a grown a** woman and nobody treats me with such disrespect....ever. If you go back that is on you. And I wouldn't give them a dang thing!!!! OK I am done now lol

[SoCalGalcas]

Annie, I am so sorry you went through this horrible rudeness. I agree, don’t go back and don’t donate anything to the club.
I am wondering though, who invited you.? Is she a friend, an officer of the club, why did she call you inviting you?
When you get over feeling the horrible hurt, you might call her and tell her of your bad experience. Depending on her answer might explain to you why this happened.
Don’t ever go back when that instructor is “teaching “ a class.
I too don’t understand the rudeness of some people.
Lyn

[SoCalGalcas]

I didn’t answer your question. I think you should have walked out. You don’t have to sit there and take her rude remarks.
I read this a long time ago: expect people in your life to treat you with kindness, courtesy and compassion. If they don’t, get out.
Lyn