My daughter...

[retiredhappy]

Sorry Barb but teenagers can be difficult and at her age she may be having difficulty understanding how you could "give her up". I was reunited with my daughter when she was in her thirties so there's always hope. Don't push and just let her know you're there - keep any letters, etc. light. I'm confused about her name, you call her Naomi and now she's referred to as Jordan.

[Irmi]

Barbie, I am so sorry. Just reading your post was like being hit in the gut, so I can only imagine the pain you must feel. I agree with what everyone else here has said. (((Barbie)))

[BarbaraRose]

Karen, I gave her the name Naomi, and they changed it to Jordan. I still refer to her as Naomi to my friends and family.

[BarbaraRose]

Thank you for all the support. That means so much to me. You all are more "family" than my real family is.

This feels like losing her all over again. Brings back bad memories of when they closed all contact with me early on after promising me an open adoption.

As much as it breaks my heart, I will respect her wishes and just hope that she will someday change her mind. I do agree that when she has a child of her own, she may see things differently.

I just feel I have missed out on so much of her life growing up and now I will still be missing out on her young adult life as well. Just not the way I expected or wished for things to turn out.

[Cudedog]

And if she doesn't want contact for now, maybe you could write letters at important times of the years and seal them and save them for when/if that door opens.

That is an excellent idea, Tina.

Barbie, write the letters if you are able; another easy thing to do is to print out, or even just save to disc, the posts you have written about her here in this forum. Most of us here have enjoyed reading your heart-felt posts about your daughter. I'm sure, one day, she will wish to read them too.

As others have said, late teens is when young people begin to move on with their lives. It is probably not personal (although I am sure it feels like it), it is just a development stage in a young person's life. All young people separate like this, at just about this age, in one way or another.

I know this doesn't help, but it really is biology. I also agree with what others have posted - one can never understand what it is to be a mother - even, if I may say so, one can never truly understand what it is to love - until one has been a parent.

My best wishes to you, Barbie.

Anne

[dpf]

"When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years." Mark Twain

I know it has to be terrible for you. But remember 18 really isn't an adult! Give her time...she'll come around.

[MandysMom]

I so agree with Tina. Also, start a journal and even go back and write yiur own history for when that someday comes that she opens her heart. Hugs to you.
Velda

[JudyJB]

Journal is an excellent idea. Start with your pregnancy, even though you may have told her that in the past. Also a good idea to tell her about your childhood and family. She may not want to know about that now, but someday she or her children will.

Actually, I have written a journal/history of my childhood and large extended family. My sons could care less, but I really wish my grandmother had done that for me because now that she has been gone for so many years, I wish I knew more about her childhood and her as a young adult!! I encourage everyone to do that and include stories like the day when I was about 7, my horse ran away and my grandmother, aunt, and mother chased it through subdivisions. I would have loved to have photos of that because my mother and aunt were terrified of large animals. But now my grandkids will be able to read about it.

And, by the way, my journal is on a flash drive in the safety deposit box so it will not get lost when I am gone.

And, regarding Twain's quote, I remember the day that my older son realized I had read some of the things he had "discovered" in his classes in college! He was shocked. Duh.

[BarbaraRose]

Actually, I started my autobiography many years ago and wrote all about my relationship with her bio dad and my pregnancy and her birth and the whole adoption process, good and bad. I still have my childhood stuff to write about but that gets real emotional since it wasn't the best. I need to get back to that soon. I also had started my family history years back but my computer crashed and I lost it all, so I need to get that started again. I also want to put together a photo album of my family.

When she was born, I would write a short letter to her on the 29th of each month (the day of her birth) that I kept in a folder. and I did that for about 8 years. I have kept all those letters. I have a box of things I bought for her when she was very young, thinking I would be able to give those to her but never was.