My "Christmas Jones" book: #1 New Release on Amazon!

[Cudedog]

I am also enjoying this discussion! . . . Some of those children's books like Beautiful Jo were pretty grim. I can’t watch a movie where a dog is hurt in any way and I think it’s because of that book. . .

Thank you Anne I'm so glad you accomplished your dream of writing a book and are sharing the experience!!

Thank you!

I had not heard of "Beautiful Joe", so I Googled it. Oh my. Not for me. I have gotten to the point I never go to see a dog movie (no matter how good everyone says it might be) because 99% of the time something dreadful happens to the dog, or the just dog simply dies in the end.

Not for me!! The only dog books I read these days are non-fiction.

In the past, if I would see a sad dog movie (or read a sad dog book - and I think most all dog books are sad) I would burst into tears. Kind of embarrassing for an old bag my age. A sad dog movie, or a sad dog book, will leave me morose for days.

Probably these days, overall, I read more non-fiction than I do fiction. In my younger years I could put away two or three novels in a week, sometimes even reading more than one at the same time! When I would hit a "boring part" of one, I would just switch off to the other.

I don't think I could keep two simultaneous books straight in my head these days. Ah! to be young again!!

Thank you.

Anne

[snowball]

oh my Anne I read a lot... late into the night...one book by the couch and then when I go to bed I have another book under the pillow... sometime's I have to think what is this one about...
I wonder if your book would be too old for my daughter's class she teaches 2 nd grade... need to have her look at it
by being too old for them when they are reading 12th grade level and in 6th grade it's not knowing what the words are or what they mean it's the situations in the book that is hard for them...
sheila

[Bethers]

I normally have 3 books going. Then I'll start one that grabs me and I read it straight through. When I'm boondocking, like now, I often read a book or more a day. And that's why ebooks are wonderful. I always have real books for the book exchanges, too.

[Cudedog]

oh my Anne I read a lot... late into the night...one book by the couch and then when I go to bed I have another book under the pillow... sometime's I have to think what is this one about...
I wonder if your book would be too old for my daughter's class she teaches 2 nd grade... need to have her look at it
by being too old for them when they are reading 12th grade level and in 6th grade it's not knowing what the words are or what they mean it's the situations in the book that is hard for them...
sheila

Hi Sheila! Thanks for your post. I love to read, sometimes I will make an exception over the old "one at a time" rule, but when I do generally one will be fiction, and the other will be non-fiction.

That's an interesting question as to what might be suitable for your daughter's class. I do use large-ish words, sometimes, in "Jones". Not all of the time, though.

There are some . . . how can I say this, without giving too much of the plot away? Hrm. Let's just say there are some "real-life" situations playing in the background of the story, that a younger reader likely would not notice - that an older reader just might. I intentionally wrote it this way. When I say "younger" and "older" reader here, I'm not speaking necessarily in age, but in reading ability and comprehension.

For a brief example, one of the chapters has to do with a visit from the local sheriff. I don't think most young readers would think too much of this, the visit is brief, and seems to be very friendly. But an older reader might just wonder about it . . .

Also, as I have mentioned in an earlier post, the first-person "voice" of the narrator is of a young boy that does not use strictly correct English diction all of the time. All of the characters in the story sometimes speak a kind of regional patois. Again, it was intentionally written in this particular "voice". A school teacher may - or may not - object to this.

Thanks, Sheila! I'm really enjoying this discussion.

Anne

[Cudedog]

I normally have 3 books going. Then I'll start one that grabs me and I read it straight through. When I'm boondocking, like now, I often read a book or more a day. And that's why ebooks are wonderful. I always have real books for the book exchanges, too.

GADS. Three!?? Yes, I too have had the experience of having one "grab" me. Usually this happened when I was supposed to be reading a textbook, and instead got whirled away by a novel.

I definitely LOVE ebooks because of their portability. And, because they are always "there", available, in my online library. I don't have to pull out the couch cushions (or hunt around in the garage) to find them.

Anne

[BirdbyBird]

Anne, I finally slowed down enough last night to read your book. I did enjoy it and my mind immediately set off wondering what might happen next so you definitely accomplished what I think all good stories do. That said I will admit that I was never completely comfortable with the "voice" or regional patois as you mentioned. My ear kept stumbling over it. I understood your intent and kept asking myself what it would sound like to a nine year old's ear. For me, I just decided that the story would have grabbed my imagination with or without the changes in grammar and the syntax police of my brain would have twitched less. Your question of what educators will consider before recommending the book to students is possibly a real one.

I do read Young Adult stories but will admit to reading very little in the age range that I am guessing your book is meant to target. When the dogs and I go to the library to listen to the children read, most of the children are kg, 1st and 2nd graders. The books they manage are much simpler. A few older children come with their own chapter books which are longer and more in depth that "Jones." I am thinking "Charlotte's Web", etc. "Jones" seems to fit some area of transition. (Remember though I was an educator for 30 years, my students were severely and profoundly handicapped and very few had reading skills. Those that did usually fell somewhere in the Autism range and managed to mostly teach themselves while we were attempting to teach students a tolerance for society and environments so that the bigger world would even let them participate.)

So in reading the story I found myself wanting more descriptions of specific interactions between the two main characters that would weave a fuller backdrop of the bond that was growing between them. I don't even know if books at this level of "transition" have enough length to them to expect that much.

So that is my feedback, given from this both humble and imperfect source with limited experience.

I do so admire both your accomplishments, your determination and your dedication for self reflection and continual evaluation process. The creative process thing is hard work and not for the faint of heart or spirit.

[Cudedog]

Tina:

Thank you so very much for taking the time to download and read my book.

More appreciated than you may realize. Again, thank you. Your comments are extremely helpful.

Anne, I finally slowed down enough last night to read your book. I did enjoy it and my mind immediately set off wondering what might happen next so you definitely accomplished what I think all good stories do. That said I will admit that I was never completely comfortable with the "voice" or regional patois as you mentioned. My ear kept stumbling over it. II understood your intent and kept asking myself what it would sound like to a nine year old's ear. For me, I just decided that the story would have grabbed my imagination with or without the changes in grammar and the syntax police of my brain would have twitched less. Your question of what educators will consider before recommending the book to students is possibly a real one.

I agree with all of what you say here, and thank you for the truth of it. Particularly what educators might think of it. I may have mentioned in a previous post (I forget) but when I submitted an early draft of "Jones" to a teacher that I knew, this person had much the same reaction as you have here, but was not so nearly polite about it as you are. The result is that I removed much of the "patois" out of my story - but still made the conscious choice to leave some small amount of it in.

The story, itself, just seemed to want to be written in this particular way.

This is not an argument either for or against, nor is it a defense, but there is a well-known children's novel (a series of them, actually) written with this device. All of them written by a "famous-ish" author. As an educator, I suspect you probably know the name of the author I refer to.

HOWEVER! Let me be quick to assure everyone that I do not consider myself in this person's league. Not even close. It will never happen! Only . . . to point out that this other story is "out there", and has been out there for a very long time indeed. I also acknowledge that "Jones" is aimed towards a younger audience than were these.

I do read Young Adult stories but will admit to reading very little in the age range that I am guessing your book is meant to target. When the dogs and I go to the library to listen to the children read, most of the children are kg, 1st and 2nd graders. The books they manage are much simpler. A few older children come with their own chapter books which are longer and more in depth that "Jones." I am thinking "Charlotte's Web", etc. "Jones" seems to fit some area of transition.

I have a few friends with grandchildren of the age I'm thinking my book might prove of interest to. I have given copies of "Jones" to these ladies, hoping they might share them with their grandchildren. This was yesterday, it will probably be many weeks before I hear anything. I do not have any grandchildren of my own, so I don't have (at the moment - I am looking into library-reading possibilities) access to read my story with young children. Without the ability to read it with young children, I can only guess how the story might be received by them. Guessing is not nearly good enough.

So in reading the story I found myself wanting more descriptions of specific interactions between the two main characters that would weave a fuller backdrop of the bond that was growing between them. I don't even know if books at this level of "transition" have enough length to them to expect that much.

Hrm. A very valid comment, I think. Would you care to (please) expand on it a bit? What kind of description? What would you like to know about the characters? It would be very helpful to me. I will confess that there was quite a bit more expository material in a previous draft, but I removed much of it, because it seemed (to me) to slow the story down too much.

So that is my feedback, given from this both humble and imperfect source with limited experience.

Tina, I find your feedback neither humble nor imperfect, but pretty much spot-on. I also very much doubt that your experience is "limited". No, don't think so.

I do so admire both your accomplishments, your determination and your dedication for self reflection and continual evaluation process. The creative process thing is hard work and not for the faint of heart or spirit.

Praise is, of course, the gift of life for a writer, but constructive criticism, acknowledged, is the meat that assures that this life can live on.

I sincerely welcome everyone's comments, both positive and negative. Only by listening to both viewpoints, is an artist able to grow.

Thanks again, Tina. You have truly made my day.

Anne

[BirdbyBird]

Anne, I am truly inexperienced with books in this transition early chapter book level. My grandsons lives in NY state. The youngest turned 1 in December. My two inherited Grands are 6 and 9 and again live in New York state. My students never even had identified reading levels beyond a few that had mastered those famous beginning 200 Dolce Words. I was lucky if they recognized safety signs and "Men" and "Women" bathroom signage. I do know from listening to friends and looking at the store shelves for gift books that series seem to be a big thing, as JudyJB has already suggested.

I will need to reread sections of the book and find an example that holds up to the idea I am trying to suggest......

And I fully understand that often we just have to write what our characters tell us to.......

[JudyJB]

Anne, I hate to say it, but the regional language bothered me also. For one thing, it is so hard to get right that you risk the danger of getting it slightly wrong and having someone get insulted by it.

Also, I think Tina is talking about visual images enriching the novel. A visual image could be details of the scenery around the boy's farm or it could be of the people. How did Jones walk and stand and sit? Did he have anything unique about him?

One of the first "classic" books I remember having read to me and the rest of my 8th grade class was The Pearl by John Steinbeck. My teacher read it aloud to us chapter by chapter, and many of us still remember that. Check out the images Steinbeck draws in just the first page: http://www.mrlocke.net/EnglishOne/Novel ... apter1.htm

I know you aren't trying to be another Steinbeck, but even the first page shows you how you can advance a story by drawing mental images. That imagery is part of what "catches" a reader and makes him or her read more. Just a few things like this go a long way.

[Cudedog]

Ack.

Tina, my sincere apologies. I went back several hours later and re-read my reply to you:

So that is my feedback, given from this both humble and imperfect source with limited experience.

, I find your feedback neither humble nor imperfect, but pretty much spot-on. I also very much doubt that your experience is "limited". No, don't think so.

Sorry. You post was most definitely humble, and also extremely kind. I definitely mis-spoke, and do sincerely apologize.

Anne

[Cudedog]

Ack.

Tina, my sincere apologies. I went back several hours later and re-read my reply to you:

So that is my feedback, given from this both humble and imperfect source with limited experience.

, I find your feedback neither humble nor imperfect, but pretty much spot-on. I also very much doubt that your experience is "limited". No, don't think so.

I definitely mis-spoke, and do sincerely apologize.

You post was most definitely humble, and also extremely kind. Sorry.

Anne

[BirdbyBird]

Anne, Don't worry about your initial response. I did not take it in a negative way. This writing our thoughts back and forth without seeing facial expressions and intonations of voice is not to be taken lightly. I just trusted you at your truth in seeking feedback. I was really more concerned of your feelings and the exposed position for which you volunteered in your search for said feedback. Being an artist of any sort is to uncover parts of your spirit and heart.

[Cudedog]

Anne, I hate to say it, but the regional language bothered me also. For one thing, it is so hard to get right that you risk the danger of getting it slightly wrong and having someone get insulted by it.

Very true. The anti-patois votes are building up!

But perhaps P. T. Barnum said it best (to pharaphrase): "You can please some of the people, all of the time. And all of the people, some of the time. But you can't please all of the people, all of the time".

My mother was from Missouri.

Although my family came to California when I was about three (so I grew up with the "Califonia" regional dialect), they pretty much lost the "Missouri" speech pattern over a fairly short period of time as they put down roots in California (I never learned it, having come to California when I was so very young). The few times, during my childhood, my family returned to visit, I was always surprised to hear my maternal relatives speaking "Missouri". My mother did, too, so long as we were still there, visiting - but when we returned home from vacation, she would lose it again.

Also, I think Tina is talking about visual images enriching the novel. A visual image could be details of the scenery around the boy's farm or it could be of the people.

Like this? Or should there be more, do you think? With young children, I am trying to be brief. LOL. As a much better writer than I ever hope to be once said: "Brevity is the soul of wit".

"To most folks hereabouts the idea of Christmas is a picture-postcard type scene of a light dusting of snow all the way across the Deacon Flats with maybe that icicle wind howling down off the Lost Cow Buttes like it does sometimes in the wintertime: fierce as a wolf and twice as mean. "

How did Jones walk and stand and sit? Did he have anything unique about him?

"Jones sure wasn’t much to look at. In fact I was kinda surprised that Ma didn’t run him off the first time she got a good close look.

He wasn’t young anymore, that’s for sure, his blue eyes squinted up permanent from too many days spent gazing into hot and dusty distance. He was tall, but walked kinda stooped over like he was ashamed of his height.

His clothes were raggedy, patched, and dusty. From the crown of his sweat stained brown Stetson hat, down to the cuffs of his blue-jean pants, those clothes had seen better days. The sleeves of his blue-plaid work shirt was rolled up to his elbows so’s you could see frayed red longjohns, with a ring of grime around each red longjohn wrist. And just for curiosity’s sake he had old work boots on his feet instead of cowboy boots like you might expect.

Then your eye would be caught by the bright red silk bandanna he had knotted carefully around his throat. That scarf was clean as a whistle and stood out on that pile of rags like a ladies fur coat on a hog’s back. . .

That first day he came to our place he looked about done in. He rode his gelding, a skinny old peak-rumped bay single-footin’ horse it was, right up to the edge of the garden. "

I know you aren't trying to be another Steinbeck, but even the first page shows you how you can advance a story by drawing mental images. That imagery is part of what "catches" a reader and makes him or her read more. Just a few things like this go a long way.

Hrm. I don't aspire to be another Steinbeck, I don't think Steinbeck would fly with the age group I am aiming at.

Bulyer-Litton, maybe!

Nah, not even him.

Thanks, Judy!

Anne

[BirdbyBird]

My thoughts wandered back to the language question as I was changing the sheets this afternoon. (What an exciting life I lead.) I have read novels as a young adult and as an adult with specific language that reflected the region and or education or economic level of the characters. One stands out in my mind from about ten years ago that was written in the first person. The sentences were generally all short and the primary verbs used throughout were the verbs "said" and "was" and "were".....I got it but it took some adjustment.

What strikes me is that the book is aimed at the emerging reader just moving into chapter books. I am guessing 2nd maybe even 3rd graders? This seems like an age were many students are still struggling to identify, speak and write with correct grammar. How many of them (unless they were raised in your house or mine) have developed an ear to distinguish that this linguistic set up is regional for effect and not spoken English that will help them be successful in life. (Said by the woman who starts scoring state writing proficiency tests next week.

FYI: The youngest writer's samples I have had to score were from 3rd grade. Not all the students had their subject - verb agreement down but the strongest students did. Then again some of their writings were exceptional in style and content.

[snowball]

totally off the subject mostly... but the other day attended a meeting where the speaker was giving his life story (we go to anything here in Q lol no it was very interesting) he lived in Maine and at one time he spoke Maineac or however it would be spelled... didn't understand a word of it his example that is... in our church we have lots of words that we understand know what it means and reference too but drives others crazy in like what did you just say... so can see why it might be a problem.... and then the other side of it some hate too much description other's it hard to have enough.. like you said can't please them all the time. luck with the book looking forward to getting it but with not knowing when I am leaving won't order it till I am somewhere for awhile...
sheila