decisions, decisions...

[BarbaraRose]

I am having second thoughts about going to my nephew's wedding in Paso Robles in March.

One reason is I am not close at all with my nephew and haven't seen him in years and only at Christmas's and my dad's funeral. I also don't have a good relationship with my brothers and their wives. So besides them, I won't know anyone else at this wedding anyways. Thinking back on family get-togethers doesn't bring up any good feelings or memories.

Another reason, is it will cost about $750 for me to go up there and back considering motels (cheap), food and gas. That is a lot of money I can't really afford to spend right now.

I had originally thought I could make the trip worthwhile after the wedding by driving up to Monterey and coming back down the coast to see that area which I have always wanted to do. However, figuring the cost of that with more motel costs, food, gas, and more days off from work unpaid, that would be another $500+ on top of the $750.

I would really love to take that coastal trip but maybe it just isn't a good time right now.

I will figure my taxes this week and see what I come up with there but still not sure if it would be worth it. I am already on such a tight budget right now. I still have to have money for airfare and car rental to go back to MN this spring/summer to visit my daughter.

[BirdbyBird]

Many of us have budgets that are real considerations that have an affect on the decisions we make. For all the reasons you give....I don't think that you or anyone should feel obliged to spend money they don't have to attend a wedding. Not being able to take the time off is a big deal for most employees and employers. I compare these decisions right in there with the ones regarding parents going in debit or taking their retirement funds out to pay for a child's college costs. Financial advisors say, "Don't do it." as much as it tugs at heart strings.

2 cents

Tina

[Cudedog]

I agree with Tina. To paraphrase an old saw: “Why take a trip you don't want, with money you don't have, to impress people you don't like.”

If you don't have the funds, you don't have the funds. That's just the way it is.

When my brother was married about thirty years ago or so, he invited me to the wedding. I was then living in the northern California foothills, he was getting married in San Diego.

It would have probably cost me a thousand dollars or more to go (more now!) - like you, gas money, food, lodging, wedding gift. Plus I had two children under the age of three that were not invited ("adults only").

So I would have had to either take the dog (Greyhound) to San Diego and rent a car there (we only had one running car at that time, and my ex would have needed to stay home with the kids, and neither he nor I wanted to leave him stranded in the foothills without transportation. No transportation when one lives in an isolated, rural area is ever a good idea.

And rent a motel for a day or two (one day to get there, one day for the wedding, one day to take the dog back home), plus food, gas, etc. etc.

Oh, and by the way, we were so financially strapped at that time that we were living on Campbells soup and peanut butter sandwiches. That, and chicken now and again.

A friend that knew we were in dire straights brought over some young cockerels (male chickens) that she had hatched, keeping the hens of course. One doesn't usually keep a number of males because. . . well, you don't even need one cockerel to get eggs.

It was my very first experience of, um. . . "processing" chicken. Definitely not my favorite thing to do, but each day that went by, eating nothing but soup and peanut butter, those chickens looked better and better every day, let me tell you.

Yes, I finally "did the deed". And, yes, they tasted pretty fabulous. Of course, anything would taste pretty good after a month or so of nothing but soup and peanut butter.

Anyway, I told my brother that I would be unable to attend. He was majorly pissed off (can I say pissed off here?) and I do mean majorly. He accused me of being a racist because he was marrying a Latino woman. I could not have cared less. Made no difference to me who he married - at all.

When I told him I just couldn't afford it, he insinuated that I was lying to him.

I ended up not going, and not even sending a gift.

I'm not sure he is over it, even to this day. Frankly, I don't care.

Oh, did I mention that my brother and I were never really close, even before this wedding deal?

I say, save your money for a rainy day. And, since it is currently raining (thank goodness!) save your money for yourself, to do something you might like to do.

That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

Good luck.

Anne

[JudyJB]

Ditto!!

Spending money to visit your daughter is one thing, but as Anne said, you shouldn't spend it to go somewhere you don't want to go to visit people you don't like.

I turned down a wedding a few years ago that was held in eastern Long Island at a country club. It would have required an expensive airfare, taking time off work without pay, car rental and a long drive once I got to the airport, hotel and food, etc. It was suggested that I could share a $250 room with someone, but that was only a small part of the overall cost. And this was to a cousin's daughter I barely knew. I was never even close to that cousin! I don't think I sent a gift, either.

[OregonLuvr]

I guess I wouldnt mind missing a wedding. They are usually so busy you dont get to visit, then bam they are gone after the cake and presents. Nope. I dont go anywhere I dont want to anyway. I dont even feel guilty.

[BarbaraRose]

I guess I keep trying to hang on to my "family" ties, hoping to reconnect, but it never really happens. I am always disappointed when things are still so disfunctional and disrespectful.

I do like a fun party and an excuse to dress up and eat free food! But this one will be a costly "free" meal. Luckily, I only paid $30 for the dress and it is one that I can wear to any dressy event later.

Ann, I love this quote!! “Why take a trip you don't want, with money you don't have, to impress people you don't like.” Made me laugh because it really makes sense!

[BirdbyBird]

If you live long enough you begin to to realize that connections go both ways. It isn't all on you to reconnect. And personally years could go by before I think about dressing up for a fancy party. Black dress pants and a nice top can go anywhere.....

[Acadianmom]

If you live long enough you begin to to realize that connections go both ways. It isn't all on you to reconnect. And personally years could go by before I think about dressing up for a fancy party. Black dress pants and a nice top can go anywhere.....

Or dog show attire. lol

One of my cousins was a furniture salesman and would come to town several times a year and never called me. But wanted me to drive to Dallas to visit him. If there was a family gathering I would go but not just to see him.

I like Anne's quote too.

Martha

[SoCalGalcas]

You've received very good advice...follow it! Lyn