Velda, I add my hugs to everyone else's. It's a tough time, for sure.
And about hospice. My mom was a hospice nurse, and also a patient before she died. The level of care I saw her give her to her patients was amazing, along with the way the team worked together to care for everyone involved. I remember her telling me about a little lady who was basically bedridden but wanted to see the ocean one last time. Mom was able to get her into her car and drive her to the beach, where they sat and watched the waves for about 30 minutes. It wasn't much in the grand scheme of things, but it meant the world to that little old lady. And another time she had a patient who hadn't had chocolate for a long, long time due to diabetes -- her family wouldn't "allow" her to have it, for fear that it would make her sick. Well, she was terminal, and wanted to taste chocolate one last time, so Mom brought her one, just one, piece of Sees chocolate (Mom found out what her favorite kind was), and she brought it to her. It didn't make her any sicker than she already was, but it did give her tremendous pleasure for just a few minutes.
When my mom learned that her cancer was untreatable she arranged to have the hospice group she'd worked for treat her. It was amazing. They not only made sure she was comfortable, but also made sure that us kids were doing okay, too. Hospice is not just for the terminally ill. If it does its job, it's about the terminal patient's family as well. I have nothing but good memories of our experience with them. One of the things that this particular group does is take an article of clothing from the patient and make a teddy bear from it. We had 3 made from some of Mom's clothes. Her best friend, my niece, and I each have one. Such a sweet way to remember her. Mine is made from one of her favorite housecoats.
Anyway, Martha, that poking & prodding that the nursing home does won't be done by hospice people unless they're trying to figure out how to make Harold more comfortable. If he's terminal, then find a group that you're okay with and let them help you both. And Velda, I hope the group you're working with will be as supportive of you as they are of your husband.
Laura