Scared ...

[Getupngo]

Okay, last night I was packing up my kitchen, and felt this incredible pang ... of possible regret?
A friend emailed me and said she could not wrap her head around me living in the town of
Tooele, Utah near my son. Frankly, it's not a good match or me, either. But my son, his wife
& stepsons are there. I'd be leaving a more desirable east-side neighborhood (that I'd never be
able to afford again! LOL!) and investing all that $$$ in one that is, well -- I hate to say it -- less
desirable.

I'm feeling frightened and will keep sorting and packing. If I end up not selling (by decision or
circumstance!) ... this process will have served me by getting my house fixed up & repaired.
And I'm resentful that I have to (once again) do all of this by myself. I was remembering this
morning that my late DH -- when he was my buddy before we started dating -- used to come
and help me move. I haven't had that offer from my son, or even the guy I have been with
for four + years.

God help me, what am I DOING? Breathe in, breathe out.

[Mollysmom]

Deep breaths are a good idea ! I'm sure you're scared to death - the closer the reality gets, the scarier things become.
If you don't want to live in the neighborhood your son lives in, don't !!! You don't have to do that. I'm sure it'd be nice to be close to him, but it's not necessary.
If you're unsure about where you want to go - why not rent an apartment for a few months, you could get a 6 month lease or just live in your motorhome for the summer and explore your options ?!?! It seems like you don't want to go but you need a change. If you buy something, you're sort of "stuck" there - take some time and find your dream home - no need to rush, you have your motorhome as a home till you find your place.
Call your son and friends and tell them you need help !!! Better yet, tell them you WANT help !!!!! People can't read your mind, they don't know you want help !!! Ask - most people are happy to help.
Take care of yourself - ask for help - don't rush - be kind to yourself - listen to your heart and your "gut" - don't do what you don't want to do, this is YOUR time !!
Hang in there - the answer will find you

[Getupngo]

... Call your son and friends and tell them you need help !!! Better yet, tell them you WANT help !!!!! People can't read your mind, they don't know you want help !!! Ask - most people are happy to help.
Take care of yourself - ask for help - don't rush - be kind to yourself - listen to your heart and your "gut" - don't do what you don't want to do, this is YOUR time !!

Trudy, thank you for those words of wisdom. I grew up in a dysfunctional home in which there WAS no help, and so I grew up without learning the skill of asking for help. "Do it myself" is my thinking default. So thanks for the reminder.

This house has been my anchor in my sea of grief ... and the MH has been my escape. I listed my home for sale in the midst of excitement. I needed to sit with it a bit longer, I think. Either way, I'll go through with the painters & the house repairs. Those are necessary. THEN I'll make a decision. I DO need to pack stuff out of those to-be-painted rooms. If nothing else, this will be extreme spring cleaning. LOL.

[carold]

I'll just add my "I agree with Trudy" comment and adding ((((( hugs)))))). carold

[Mollysmom]

I understand about not asking for help ! when I moved into my "cottage" I did almost all of it myself, I was so tired I was crying while I was carrying stuff, but did I ask for help ?? Heck no !! We Anderson's never ask for help - HA !!!! it's a hard thing to do, time to break the cycle though and ask for help if you want it - even if it's just to have someone sit with you and chat while you do the work.
I'm glad you have the attitude that at least the house will be super clean and pretty when you're all done ! Listen to your heart and the answer will come

[bluepinecones]

Another "I agree with Trudy".
Also, if you decide you are really uncertain about selling the house, consider renting it for a while. That gives you the option of moving back in later should you decide that is what you really want. In the meantime, enjoy living in the RV or try out an apartment in the new town.
We sometimes forget there are many options available to us (I'm guilty of that); and fail to take advantage of those.

[mitch5252]

Before I read any of the posts beyond Trudy's, I thought, "Wow - great advice!" Now, I see all of these highly intelligent women agree, too! So, how can you go wrong by taking deep breaths, taking your time, and exploring all your options. The right answer will come to you...listen to your gut feelings. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this alone. I think we all wish we could offer more than words of encouragement.

[Liz]

Good advice has already been given. Take a "vacation" from your house while it is being renovated. Live in your RV. You'll figure out if you need to move back in or if you're happy with your other options.

I've been going back and forth about selling my house too, but have about decided to put it on the market next year while I'm traveling and see what happens. Someone had a good idea about moving out with the animals while it's being shown.

Be of good courage, and pray about it. I'll be praying for you.

[sunshinecruiserTN]

Again, dittos to the wise one, Trudy. Who would have thunk that a year later, she would be sharing great words of wisdom with us. Well said, Trudy.

Janice, as you know, I have just gone through the moving and selling portion of my condo. When it became a reality that I had a few days to get out, I called in the troops. I would not have made it otherwise. I had four of my nephews, my son and GD and my best friend. After I got everything out, I have a friend who is an excellent organizer. I asked her to come to my RV and help me make good utilization of my space there. She did and I feel like I have more space with which to work. Had I done it w/out asking for help, I would have sat in the floor and balled and second guessed my decision. But you know what? Because it went so smoothly, I'm really confident in my choice and can't wait to do it.

We all will react differently. Your feelings are part of the normal separation process. Have you talked to your son to see if he wants you closer? I talked to my son about moving to So Ga and he said he really didn't think I would be happy there but if I ever needed to, I would always be welcomed.

Follow your gut, don't give your house away in this market, maybe it's time to do heavy spring cleaning and hold onto it. You will know.

Prayers for you.

[Cedar518]

Here's another vote of confidence in what Trudy said!

One thing nobody has mentioned is your comment about being "with" a fellow for 4+ years and even HE hasn't offered to help. Do you think he doesn't want you to leave?

Keep us posted,...just know that we're all in your corner and will help just as much as cyberspace will allow!

[Getupngo]

Cedar, I laughed at your comment about my friend. "With" is the term I used
for lack of wanting to get into a longer explanation. We used to be in a
relationship, but it's this very lack of partnership that made me downgrade
it to a platonic friendship. We still hang out & go places together, but we're
no longer a couple. I never expect him to come over and pitch in. It's not in
his nature.

[Cedar518]

ok,... that explains it!

[retiredhappy]

Trudy gave you some really good advise. If you're not sure you really WANT to live in your son's neighborhood, please don't lock yourself into something you might HATE. Renting your house is a good option - that's what I'm doing. It sits and pays for itself and I have a realtor handle it for me so no headaches. If in doubt, rent in the new area for a while. If you live in your RV for a while, you may find you don't want to move back into a stick house. Just don't let yourself get locked into something that won't make you happy.

[rvgrammy1953]

Yep....proud of Trudy... Her advice comes from her own experience....and it is very sound advice....

Jan, Am with the others on living in the RV for a few months......or the rented apartment idea......gets you away from the house and a way to experience a new way of living......I believe that you want a change, but are un-sure of how to go about it......take your time....listen to your heart and your gut.....it will come to you.....in the mean time we're all here for you.....(((((((Hugs)))))))))

[mtngal]

Hey Janice, I'm a bit late chiming in here but wanted too
add my support. Such big change is AlWAYS scarey! Much
wisdom from Trudy and the gals with similar experiences.
You are in a unique position of not having to make a hasty,
now or never decision. I hope you can shift from fear to
excitment for future and what ever you ultimately
decide. Wish we could all be there to help with the
moving job! Diana.