So frustrated! (again!!)

[BarbaraRose]

I spent a few hours at my dads yesterday while he was waiting for his money and car to be delivered. Of course they kept calling and delaying the "delivery". I even talked to the guy myself and gave him a piece of my mind!
He just refuses to believe it is another scam. I left him waiting for them to finally show up. I am sure he is still waiting and being strung along.
My brothers and i are going to get together and try to figure out what our options are. Oldest brother has durable POA. However, i have heard it is very difficult to prove that someone is totally incompetent in order to take over.
I did find an agency nearby that has social workers who can help with this, so will see when i can get in to meet with one of them.

[MandysMom]

That's good progress. Will keep you in my thoughts.
Velda

[BarbaraRose]

So this morning I talked to the woman from Adult Protection. She tells me that if we do nothing and my dad continues to spend his money on these scammers that when eventually he needs to go into a nursing care facility, he will not be eligible for any medical assistance due to giving all his money away. He will then have to either live with one of us or be out in the street homeless. I sent my brothers an email telling them this.

Then just after I get off the phone with her, my dad's renter, Mark calls in a panic. The police are there. Apparently, he and my dad got into an argument this morning because Mark refused to take him to the bank to send a money order to the scammers. So my dad called the police and told them that Mark assaulted him. So Mark has me talk to a police officer there. He told me what was going on and I told him that there is no way that Mark would have assaulted my dad (he is a total wimp) and that my dad just said that to scare and threaten Mark so he would take him to the bank next time.

So I send a message to my brothers (by now I am late for work) telling them what happened, thinking that now they will realize that we have to step in and stop this insanity. Everyone I have talked to this week has told me we have to do something soon and can't let this continue.

I checked my emails tonight and both of my brothers say they still refuse to consider taking my dad to court to gain guardianship over him and that things need to get worse before they will do anything. Jeez!!! How much worse do things have to get??? I am sure that Mark will be moving out now after this, so there goes $750 per month in income for my dad, not to mention his ride to the store and doctor appointments.

I got a voicemail message from my dad tonight but haven't listened to it yet. I am sure he is furious with me about siding with Mark to the police about the assault charges.

I am SO stressed out right now and about ready to have a nervous breakdown! I plan to call the woman at Adult Protection on Tuesday and see if there is anything I can do on my own, but am pretty sure that without my brother's cooperation, there is little I can do. I have no money for a lawyer and don't have POA in my name anyways.

I just needed to vent!

[Bethers]

Oh, Barbie, I'm so sorry this just keeps on and on. Vent all you need. I might not be able to help, but I can listen and send you warm thoughts and hugs.

[RitaMc]

Barbie,
I know how frustrating this is. My sisters and I dealt with it with our Mother. Do not expect too much help from adult protection in Minnesota. What a worthless bunch of hypocrites. The bank said my Mom's account had a sizeable withdrawal by the person who had power of attorney and that adult protection should be notified. Adult protection interviewed my mother and my brother who had poa, and found nothing wrong. Refused to talk to any of the sisters and did nothing to keep more money from being taken out of her account for others benefit. To keep elder people from giving their money away the law says that assistance can be given 5 years after the money is repaid. I have no idea where my mother will go after her money is gone. She will have to find a place that will take her social security. She refuses to speak to her daughters. It took me many years to get over the frustration of the situation but finally just gave up feeling frustrated and angry. Don't let this ruin your health. Your dad won't be homeless but will live in less than nice conditions somewhere. Sometimes we just have to let those we love make decisions that are harmful to themselves. I use prayer to relieve me of my frustration. Find some type of mental reinforcement to relieve yourself of stress. I wish you luck in all of this. It's hard to sit by and watch others not get involved and you Dad do stupid things.
Rita

[BarbaraRose]

Thanks Rita. The police already mentioned that they didn't think Adult Protection would be very helpful, but will talk with them again anyways.
I wish I could just move back to California! This is just so frustrating and stressful!

[Carolinagal]

Leaving was my thoughts too, for you Barbie as I read all of this. You are not only battling for your Dads sake but seems you're standing pretty much alone on all of this. Your older brothers , both brothers seem to be only ones who need to do something and without them YOU can't do anything. You're having too many different directions to put up a fight and have no clout without support from brothers and that constant fight with your Dads attitude and actions and finding no help anywhere, all bad. You need to get out of the picture and your brothers will HAVE to step up and do something when they're the one notified of Dads behavior !!!

Even if you didn't go far just where no one knew where you were for awhile and had it all to do without you. For your own health and mental state, could you get a job not too far away and just drop out of this sorry picture for awhile ??

These were just my thoughts as I read this, you're sooo frustrated and can't do or find help anywhere, something has got to give !!! Praying its not you !!

CArol

[havingfunnow]

If both police and adult protective services can't help, and a lawyer says you can't do anything without your brothers' involvement -- I say RUN. Move to Californi, or anywhere else. You didn't make this problem (both your father's health and your brothers' behavior), you've done your best to solve it, and it will only get worse from here. At least, that was my experience. Don't let it chew you to bits. Take care of your own health and wellbeing, even if it means leaving them.

[SoCalGalcas]

Dear Barbie, you are making yourself sick over this horrid situation! Disappear in place! Tell Mark not to call you anymore...change your phone number...tell your brothers you are through with your Dad. Tough love.
Much hugs to you, lyn

[MandysMom]

Agree with the others. Something has to change and if your Dad and brothers don't change, then you need to for your own health.
Velda

[avalen]

I agree with everyone else, remove yourself from the situation

[grammynmaggie]

You and I are in the same situation you know that I had problems and having problems with my father but at least he's not giving his money away but there is so much more involved here... if I could do it had one family member here in Florida I would leave in a New York Minute... but there is just me ...my sister is in Pennsylvania and not in any condition to be of any help in any way ...my brother died 4 years ago so it's just me... and this has taken a toll on my health ...go Barbie go... this makes me so sad for you and me both... and for our dads...

[BarbaraRose]

I actually thought about moving away several months ago but felt guilty about leaving the whole mess for my brothers. Now that guilt is gone! If i can figure out how to do it financially i will move by september when my lease is up. I would love to go back to california but it is very expensive so florida might be a better option for now. I have several good friends there. Either place i can get my cosmo license pretty easily and find a job cutting hair right away. It would be the cost of the move itself and a cheap place to live with my cat that i need to consider.
If anyone has any ideas or suggestions, let me know!

[chalet05]

I agree with everyone. Just go! Donna, quite frankly I wouldn't be basing my life on someone else's choices. Life is too darn short.

[Redetotry]

I agree too, just go but don't tell them what you are planning. Make your arrangements and leave without telling them. Go to Florida, find yourself a Sugar Daddy and live happily ever after.