A First - Validated & Vindicated

[Azusateach]

I don't know if I'll be able to explain this very well, but I need share this where I know it won't be seen by more "faces" than I want. And I just need to vent.

You all know I'm a teacher. I've taught for 27 years, and NEVER have I been verbally abused like I was today during a parent conference. Now, this guy didn't yell at me, but I was essentially his "whipping child" for everything that's wrong with his son. And this is the second time I've had to endure his ... stuff.

Today I sat there, looked him in the eye and kept my mouth shut for most of his tirade, but there were a couple of times when I couldn't. He flat-out said that his kid wouldn't work for me, and that nobody could make him. So I told him that there were 3 other middle schools where he could take L., but no, that wasn't going to happen. He's also said that he's got 2 masters (quite an accomplishment for our neighborhood) and a teaching credential, so I suggested that he homeschool L. Not going to happen either. Never did he offer anything constructive, never did he admit that L. struggles with reading (he's reading at a low 3rd grade level as a SIXTH grader) -- we've failed him, and I'm the poster child for all of L's failures. Never mind that I've only had him in my class for just over 2 months.

I spoke with my former Principal, bless her, because I don't feel safe talking with my current administrator (long story there). But for the first time in my career, an administrator said that teachers do not have to suffer the abuses that parents often hurl at us. We can put an end to conferences where nothing constructive is happening, refuse to meet with them again, and tell them that if anything more needs to be said that they can take it up with the Principal. This guy's "threatened" to call a meeting with the Principal & Superintendent, but I don't think anything will come of it. This is small potatoes for the Superintendent -- she'll probably fuss at the Principal, who might then fuss at me. Who knows.

I can't tell you what having to deal with a parent does to teachers. I've never felt so emotionally beat up in my life. If I could retire this year I'd do it. Unfortunately, I need to stick it out one more year. It'll make a $500/month difference, and I can't turn that down.

You know, if I could just focus on the kids and stay away from the adults, my job might actually be enjoyable.

Thanks for listening..

Laura

[Bethers]

Hugs, Laura.

[gingerK]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. He owes you an apology, in my opinion. I doubt you'll get one. And his poor child has to live with him, I can only imagine what that must be like.

[bluepinecones]

Sorry your caught in such a mess but there are some parents who just do not appreciate teachers or give them the respect they deserve. Hopefully you can still be of some help to the child; sounds like he needs it.

[beazle]

Sorry you had to catch his S*%t storm, you didn't deserve to be treated that way. How could any of that be your fault when school just started 8 weeks ago? You took the high road, and know in your heart that he was in the wrong, so you can have peace in the knowledge that it is HIS problem. So sad that his child has to suffer his tirades, as well. Maybe a reading coach would help the kid try to catch up. I had so many similar feelings in my last year or so of working, and I just retired a few months ago, although my career path was in nursing. Truly tries one's patience. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that all goes more smoothly for you with this guy from here on out.
Eileen

[Acadianmom]

I'm like Kathy, I feel sorry for his kid because he has to live with him. It's a shame you couldn't record the meeting or better yet video it but I'm sure they wouldn't let you do that. If he talks to someone else I'm sure they will see what a blow hard he is. Why does he think his son doesn't have to work for you? I didn't know that kids could pick and choose what they wanted to do. Hang in there, you can make it.

I am so glad my sons are grown and I don't have to deal with school. My youngest son had learning problems and that was like having a second job.

Martha

[Liz]

Been there, done that, more than once. It helps to have a supportive administrator behind you. I've had it both ways. Not a whole lot you can do, but if you feel threatened, get in touch with your union rep. Most of my students arrived in middle school with a less than third grade reading level. Hard to make that kind of deficit up in the time you have them. Hang in there; I know you do your best for the kids, and that's where you'll put your focus.

[dpf]

Awww….No Mercy…..as much static as I give you I have to say I’m so sorry that you had to go through this. But I’ve been there and done that. I’ve always said that teachers at PT conferences are like those little ducks floating across the stream of water at a carnival and never know when some idiot is going to pay a quarter to take a pot shot at them.

I had my share of PT conferences from hell. Dear little Charlie had missed (skipped) 19 days out of the first nine weeks of school. He was failing all of his classes….I only had him in a study hall. His mother sat timid as a mouse through her meeting with his classroom teachers. When she sat down at my table she blasted me…..Charlie was failing all his classes because I made the kids in my study hall be too quiet! Update on Charlie…the year after I left that school he was found dead in a ditch. A drug deal gone bad and his mother was implicated in the trial as one of the drug suppliers.

I was required to teach family planning in my Marriage and the Family classes….always a hot topic but most of the parents were happy not to have to be the ones to talk to their kids. I had to present my curriculum on it to the school board and any interested parents and they also viewed the films that I showed. They approved it without qualms. One of the local minister’s daughter was in the class. He went to the school board in a rant that I had no business teaching students about condominiums. I told him I usually saved that topic for the Housing class. He pulled his daughter out of the class. The school board president bought be a drink the next time he saw me at the club. Update on daughter…she went to college and was pregnant at the end of her first semester.

The night that I came home and told DH that I didn’t care what I was doing next year but it wasn’t going to be teaching I had had to attend an IEP meeting for a FAS student. The meeting was scheduled at 4:00-5:00. Mom didn’t show up until about ten minutes to 5:00. She was about eight months pregnant and drunk.

So.....I went to work in a prison! Am I glutton for punishment or what?

As hard as try we can’t control students lives outside the school. It appears that this father is not willing to accept that his son is struggling in school and thinks that his two masters degrees and teaching credentials should have been passed on to his son through the gene pool. Can’t help but to feel sorry for the child. But at home he is probably hearing that it is always the teacher’s fault and that’s an easy out for him not to try. Has he ever been tested? Or would it be a case where the parents really don’t want to find out what the problem might be because it’s easier to point fingers?

But ya know….I can’t feel sorry for you….teachers only work nine months a year for eight hours a day. Now I am running like hell.

Hang in there. It’s one more year….you can do it.

[snowball]

wow Laura
I wish that parents could sit and listen to what they say to a teacher or be a mouse in the corner
to see what goes on...sounds like L has a problem and parents not seeing it
which is too bad..
take care and just tell yourself only only one more year
sheila

[MelissaD]

Bet this sums it up.

[JudyJB]

Politicians and the media who blame teachers and want to hold them "accountable" for all the ills of our society just contribute to this attitude.

Can you get a union rep or principal to sit in on next conference? Sorry you have to go through all of this. I know other teachers with similar problems with parents. It is also why I left public schools several decades ago.

I would certainly tell your union rep you feel threatened by this parent.

[asirimarco]

One of the biggest problems in this country is that teachers no longer have any authority to control their students. And heaven help them if they try. No matter what they do they are wrong. No dress codes for kids - what a mess. I'm glad my kids went to school when they did.

[avalen]

Vent away, you need it
Bless you for being so restrained, I would have put the Childs
issues on the parents, being the parent has a teaching degree
I'd say the parent has failed in their homework with their child.
No way would I have tolerated abuse from a parent, let me have
a few days of suspension, I'm right there with you, one more year
and my attitude really shows it.

[judi]

dpf - I am not a teacher, but I have teachers in my family. They work far more than 8 hours a day! They grade papers at night. They answer emails and messages from parents - at night. They do lesson plans - at night. They meet to discuss individual students after school. They participate in their own continuing education. They give individual help to students who need it - after school. Teachers influence the futures of children, their families, their communities, and our country. It may sound corny, but teaching is a noble profession. A profession means you work for a goal, and not just put in 8 hours a day.

[dpf]

Judi, That is a standing joke between Ol' No Mercy (a name given to Laura in an old chatroom) and me. I know that teaching is much more than nine months a year 8 hours a day because I spent 23 years in the teaching profession myself. I'm sure that if Laura reads this she will verify that she knew I was just teasing her!