Campfire

[JudyJB]

$7.00 is ridiculous for those kumatos and I would not have paid it even if I could have afforded it. I think I paid $3.19 for last package of six.

I have had two relatives who lost all their family pictures: one was a cousin whose baby and childhood pictures were destroyed when her house burned down when she was 20 and another cousin whose evil stepmother destroyed all photos of her mother when she married my cousin's widowed father. Her mother passed away when she was 8 and her father remarried when she was 10, so she grew up with no photos of her mother to remember her by!!

What I have done when cleaning out my condo and old things was pull out all photos of the one cousin and the other cousin's mother and sent them off to them. I also did that when I sorted through my parent's stuff. So, Ginger, you might want to ask your other relatives and their children to see if they have pictures of you that you could have.

[gingerK]

I wish I could ask, Judy, but there's not many of us left. I only have one Aunt and I don't talk to her, and one Uncle that I don't get to see very much as he lives pretty far. I don't think either of them would have any baby pics of me. As far as cousins, there's only 2 or 3 that I talk with and they don't have any of me either. Maybe some of me when I was an older child, tho.

[gingerK]

Mickie,you and me both. It's been 6 months since my Mom passed and I still find it hard to believe. With my Dad, he had a long illness so we had time to get used to the idea that he was leaving us. But my Mom passed quickly and I still don't understand what really happened. And right as I was trying to deal with her death, a "relative" cheated me out of everything she wanted me to have. I can't find it in me to forgive his behavior, even for my own sake.

[Queen]

Ginger, I'm right there with you, I hope someday, for my sake alone, I can let go of my anger and feelings of betrayal.

[havingfunnow]

I find that I don't feel anger so much now that the whole mess with my parents' estate is "past business". I like the peaceful feeling -- a lot! That is not the same as forgiving my brother, though. He meets none of the criteria for forgiveness -- as in, he's not sorry, and he'd do the same things again if he had the chance. So I don't forgive the greedy, selfish, vindictive liar.

[Queen]

I find that I don't feel anger so much now that the whole mess with my parents' estate is "past business". I like the peaceful feeling -- a lot! That is not the same as forgiving my brother, though. He meets none of the criteria for forgiveness -- as in, he's not sorry, and he'd do the same things again if he had the chance. So I don't forgive the greedy, selfish, vindictive liar.

We seem to have the same brother.

[JudyJB]

I know your pain. My brother has been a lifelong pathological liar, alcoholic, drug addict, scam artist, cheater, liar, and a bunch of other things. Even his kids will have nothing to do with him.

He is now in a wheelchair with toes amputated and MRSA, and in and out of various institutions.

But, of course, all of this is the fault of our parents, right? And his horrible childhood?? At least that is what he tells his therapists.

[monik7]

I find that I don't feel anger so much now that the whole mess with my parents' estate is "past business". I like the peaceful feeling -- a lot! That is not the same as forgiving my brother, though. He meets none of the criteria for forgiveness -- as in, he's not sorry, and he'd do the same things again if he had the chance. So I don't forgive the greedy, selfish, vindictive liar.

We seem to have the same brother.

Wow, I have the same brother too. Does it have something to do with the gender? Makes you wonder.
Sandi

[Queen]

I'm not sure, Sandi, I know some wonderful men... but I know a whole lot more that I'd rather I didn't.

[gingerK]

I find that I don't feel anger so much now that the whole mess with my parents' estate is "past business". I like the peaceful feeling -- a lot! That is not the same as forgiving my brother, though. He meets none of the criteria for forgiveness -- as in, he's not sorry, and he'd do the same things again if he had the chance. So I don't forgive the greedy, selfish, vindictive liar.

We seem to have the same brother.

Make that four of us.

[BirdbyBird]

Just to help balance the world a little, my older brother was a wonderful support for me as I handled both my father's and later my Step-Mother's personal financial matters, Trusts, wills and other estate issues. I asked his opinion often and tries to share all information and decisions with him. I think it also helps that neither of us were after "things" that were left behind. We divided up my Dad's sculptures and he picked up anything else that he thought he could use. Personally, after the sculptures and a couple of pictures, so much of the stuff reminded me of my step mother and how miserable that home was with her there I didn't want reminders. My brother and my husband aready had garages full of tools so much of my dad's workshop was sent down to his artistic granddaughter. My dad didn't collect much stuff either.

I think my brother was so thankful that I agreed to take on the responsibility and he didn't have to deal with the narsissitic step mother. My wonderful sister in law, put it bluntly, this way he wasn't be tempted to murder her......

[Bethers]

I find that I don't feel anger so much now that the whole mess with my parents' estate is "past business". I like the peaceful feeling -- a lot! That is not the same as forgiving my brother, though. He meets none of the criteria for forgiveness -- as in, he's not sorry, and he'd do the same things again if he had the chance. So I don't forgive the greedy, selfish, vindictive liar.

We seem to have the same brother.

Make that four of us.

Five. My brother wrote me off years ago and I've been so much better off for it. That said, it's terrible that I also lost my two nieces, and then the nephew born to his second wife. I kept peace with him while my Mom was alive - and probably would have continued, but an argument with him over her death bed, I'll never forget. Forgive, yes, no reason to hold that inside, but forget, NEVER.

On the topic of pictures and "things" most of our family pictures were flooded and ruined. I have some we were able to save, and cut around outside, etc. Actually I have none of the actual pics anymore, as I scanned all of them I could find and then tossed the real things.

by gingerK » Sun Oct 11, 2015 9:59 am

I wish I could ask, Judy, but there's not many of us left. I only have one Aunt and I don't talk to her, and one Uncle that I don't get to see very much as he lives pretty far. I don't think either of them would have any baby pics of me. As far as cousins, there's only 2 or 3 that I talk with and they don't have any of me either. Maybe some of me when I was an older child, tho.

I'd still try to contact the relatives you don't talk to - you never know, they might have something that will help you. And it's only a phone call! Or how about an old-fashioned letter. If they never reply, at least you know you gave it one last effort.

[Acadianmom]

I was lucky that my sister, brothers and I didn't have a problem. Our brothers were happy to let us take care of things. My sister took on the job of getting the title cleared on our grandparents farm so that made things a lot easier. We each ended up with a 1/4 interest. One of our brothers passed away so our niece has his share. We spent so much time there that we really hate to sell it but I don't think any of us would ever want to live there. Our niece wants to keep the land but she doesn't have the money to buy us out. Ever so often she comes up with some idea to make money on it but mostly pipe dreams. The only thing it is good for now is timber and none of us live close enough to watch it. We have already had timber stolen off the land.

I ended up with a lot of the pictures and albums. I am lucky that I had already moved a big bin of pictures to my son's house before our house flooded. Most of the rest were in the top of a closet and didn't get wet. I am probably the only one that knows who the people in some of the pictures are. I really should go through them and label them. One of my cousins said his son is interested in genealogy. I might ask if they would like to have the pictures. My kids could care less.

Martha

[snowball]

it is so sad to hear stories of families breaking up and yet I fear that might happen when my mom passes away
we will hope that is years off..but she refuses to do a will...why??? who knows...I keep hoping she has
and is just giving us a rough time...I could care less really about the stuff other than a desk she has...guess it's a desk
anyway I like and have told her so...but the house is something that we would sell however I fear if she doesn't do a will
the govt will get more than we will and who know how long it will take...I have a brother and sister that rarely talk the sister
is very opinionated and will saw what she thinks needs to be said regardless of who it might hurt or upset...and she has upset the brother
time after time...there is 5 of us left I'm the eldest then three brothers and then the sister we had a younger sister that died years ago.
It saddens me to think of what probably will happen with the structure of the family...all I can do is hang on and hope that
all goes well...

I got tired of my cover on my bedroom so awhile back I bought a new one have had it sitting here in the bag it came in today
I got it out and aired it out along with my old one washed my sheets ect and put the new on really pretty but wow wished I'd
realized that it smells a lot I would have done it when I left for Utah the last time...oh well it will go away I am sure
I hope sooner than later.
sheila

[BirdbyBird]

Sheila, I hope that you can convince your Mom to do this one last thing for all of you... as in sit down and make a will. It doesn't have to be fancy and it might be difficult for her to face it but maybe if you can make her understand how difficult it will be on the family she leaves behind if she doesn't give some direction and structure. I thank my father every day for all the legal stuff he had in place years before he (I) needed it. He was even good at updating a few things in the last year or so. All I had to do was follow his plan. I knew that regardless of what anyone else thought might be a good idea, I was doing what he had wanted done. And like I mentioned before, I had a wonderful brother who supported me. My step-sister? I kept her informed and followed the law carefully so even if she did question something, it could all be supported. As it was my father had divided up his estate equally into three parts so there wasn't much for her to complain about. Good luck. Completed paperwork would make a wonderful gift of love to her family.