It just keeps on coming....

[gingerK]

Today I got an email from my attorney about an email sent from my sibling's attorney. It says some nasty things about me getting what I have coming from my Mother's personal estate and his attorney is again trying to get me to pay for half of Mom's funeral and her funeral luncheon expenses! Who was liable for these expenses was my first question to my attorney, who assured me that if I didn't sign any of the bills I wasn't responsible for these debts. I know that everything I have received so far in terms of money was not considered a part of her estate so I don't feel I have to give anything back. My sibling got the lion's share of her estate; house, car, all checking and savings accounts and I am positive there were investments and other accounts he didn't tell me about that he got to first even though her will stated I should get all these accounts, not him. He was supposed t get her house and car. Why else would you need 35 death certificates unless there were multiple accounts to use them on? I can't even grieve for the loss of my Mother and this **s is dunning me for money! I should have realized what was up when she wasn't even gone 5 hrs. and he'd already contacted her life insurance company to arrange for the benefits to be paid to HIM!

[Bethers]

Oh, so very sorry this continues. I can't imagine him getting a penny from you - when those expenses, if there is money in the estate, should be paid for with THAT money - which he seems to have taken. It sucks even more that you have to be paying an attorney for this. My guess is he feels if he tries to get money from you, you'll let go of asking for anything else from her estate.

[avalen]

well crap, sorry you have to go through this

[WickedLady]

Nobody will screw you over as fast as family when it comes to money

[gingerK]

Thanks ladies. And just when I thought it couldn't get much lower, I was led to believe there was a sum of cash at his attorney that I was entitled to so I went to get it today. His attorney wasn't there but the girl in her office brings me out a personal check. The check was for MORE than he had stated in his inventory of my Mother's personal estate. I refused to accept a personal check, telling the girl I understood it was to be cash waiting for me as per his attorney's email to my attorney (which was forwarded on to me). The girl gets his attorney on the phone who then proceeds to yell (yes, she actually did!) at me that it isn't my check. She said it was a mistake and that it was not for me. Well, it sure had my name on it, even the girl who would have given it to me agreed to that. After yelling at me his attorney then proceeded to hang up on me. I was just floored at her unprofessional behavior. The poor girl apologized and I assured her that I wasn't there to cause trouble but I was led to believe I could come get my money. I also told her and the others in the office that I thought the attorney's behavior was rude. I really wanted to tell them what I really thought but it wasn't their fault she spoke to me that way. After this I am reconsidering taking them to court, I really think they are hiding something.

[BirdbyBird]

Do what you have the physical and mental energy to handle. But it stinks to think that he might be just hoping that you get frustrated and walk away.....sort of like the insurance companies that keep declining a claim just to see if you will appeal....

Does make me appreciate my older brother much more and his support of me through our fathers and then our step mothers passing. His reason though was if he had been put in charge he would not have been able to deal with our step mother without wanting to do her bodily harm.

[JudyJB]

Luckily, my mother put everything into my name before she died and gave me complete financial and medical power of attorney. After not calling her or visiting her for 10 years, my brother had the nerve last spring to ask if there was any money left in my mother's estate. (I spent every penny she had and some of my own funds on her care. When she died, she was on Medicaid, and I took nothing from her "estate" before that time.) After his request for money and a few more incidents, I have him blocked on my cell phone. I don't care if I ever hear from him again.

I can't imagine how hard it would have been if I had had to deal with him as you are doing with your brother. At least it will all be over for you eventually, but hard to get through, I am sure.

[snowball]

on any insurance we've had it lists the beneficiaries didn't hers? if so wouldn't it be split between the two of you?
unless your mom for some reason put it in one person's name and thought that they would do as she would want
it to be split....do you know the name of the company have any numbers that you can find out how much the life
insurance was and who was listed as beneficiaries? perhaps it is to late to do that but if you can I'd do it also i would
have thought that all expenses for the funeral would come out of the life insurance then what is left would go to the
beneficiaries....hate that it's come to this so sorry that because of his greed you have basically lost a brother..this should
serve as a warning to all of us to make out a clear will...I wish my mom would hate the thoughts of what may happen when
she passes away...
sheila

[IrishIroamed]

Can't believe your brother is this much of a jerk...but it's been known to happen. Stick it to him Kathy. He deserves it.

[gingerK]

She had a will Sheila which stated that he gets the house and car and I get all her money accts. (specifically checking, savings, IRAs, annuities, investments and "such like"). Before she died he convinced her to put the house and her savings and checking accounts (and who knows what else) into his name with hers so they were all joint accounts that automatically became his when she passed. All her insurance, IRAs and annuities were still listed as both of us beneficiaries so I had to share all of it with him instead of getting all of it as per her will. I believe he knew this would happen and deliberately mislead my Mother into thinking it would go to me alone as she stated in her will. Also, she changed her will less than a year before she passed; her previous one left both of us everything split 50/50. I and many of the people who knew my Mother believe she was NOT competent to make the second will. We believe he coerced her into it but it is difficult and costly to prove it. I could go to court, spend all the money she left me and not be able to win. That is why I have settled for what small amount I have already received and not gone after the rest of her estate.
As my attorney has told me, anything with a beneficiary designation is outside of her estate, meaning it belongs to those named as beneficiaries and is not included in her estate as far as being used to pay for any final expenses. That means that while I could use her insurance money to pay towards the final expenses, I don't have to do this. Additionally, since I was not the one who signed the agreement with the funeral home, I am not liable for those and other expenses. So since he's basically screwed me out of between $150,000 and $250,000, why should I help him pay those debts? He got the lion's share of her estate and I'm sure there's enough money for him to pay off her debts. Had he been honest and fair with me about the money, I would gladly have paid my share.
In his attorney's last letter to my attorney, they even had the nerve to ask me to pay for the electric, phone, gas and other bills associated with Mom's house! Why should I pay for bills for real estate I have never owned? His attorney keeps badgering me to pay "my half" of her funeral bill, too. I just keep on telling her I don't owe those debts and refuse to pay them. If I really owed on her funeral it would be the funeral home asking me, not his attorney.
It has been difficult to even grieve for the loss of my Mother while trying to deal with his bs. Every time I think things are getting better, something new and nasty comes up, like yesterday and throws me into a tailspin again. The gall of this person is unbelievable.
Thank goodness I only have one child so that he doesn't ever have to go through what I am now. I have changed everything to go directly to him and will put together all the information regarding our life insurance policies, annuities and anything else he will need to know at that time. So don't count on your wills as being your last wishes, ladies; obviously they aren't that difficult to circumvent.

[retiredhappy]

Its so sad that "family" can do this. You're right, that an attorney to take this to court can cost you more than the possible gain. Proving incompetence is really difficult unless her doctor would testify to it. A court case could also take years. One thing you can do is write a letter to the bar association about his attorney and her behavior and that she is trying to tell you that LEGALLY you owe half of those expenses. In a court case you could ask for him to pay your legal fees if you win butt not always granted so its a crap shoot. Sometimes for your own peace of mind you need to walk away because only the attorneys will make money.

[snowball]

feel so bad for you
sheila

[monik7]

I'm so sorry you're having these problems with your brother. My older brother was executor of my parents' estate and I'm sure he cheated me. In addition, I was supposed to get my Mom's jewelry including a beautiful pair of rather large diamond earrings. My SIL was the one who handed me the box of jewelry and I later discovered she had substituted a very small pair of earrings in place of the real ones.

As a note to everyone about putting your desires in writing: Lately I've been considering changing my executor from my daughter to a corporate trustee. In discussions with the financial rep and their trust department, they told me if I specified I wanted accounts set up for my grandchildren at a specific financial institution, my daughter could say she didn't want their money there (even if they are over 18) and could get it changed even though I specifically said where I wanted the accounts. They basically explained that you can declare what you want, but that doesn't necessarily mean it will end up that way. Just hope for the best. Pretty discouraging!
Sandi

[gingerK]

Sandi, I've learned that if you want to make sure something gets to the person you want to have it, give it to them while you are still here. Or add them on to whatever accounts you intend for them to have as a beneficiary. It is very sad to see that anyone could take advantage of a loved one in the way that person did. I was under the assumption that your will would be followed exactly. Not true.

[monik7]

Sandi, I've learned that if you want to make sure something gets to the person you want to have it, give it to them while you are still here. Or add them on to whatever accounts you intend for them to have as a beneficiary. It is very sad to see that anyone could take advantage of a loved one in the way that person did. I was under the assumption that your will would be followed exactly. Not true.

You're right Kathy, that assumption about your will being executed as stated doesn't always prove true. It gets very complicated when you have 3 grandchildren. That would mean 3 more accounts and some financial institutions won't accept certain types of accounts unless they have a certain monetary level for them to manage. I know it would be good to give while still alive, but as you get older you have to try to guess how long you're going to live and make sure you don't give away what you may need until you die. It's terribly complicated and frustrating.

I sure hope you can come away from your situation with what your mother intended. But I completely understand your tendency to walk away with your sanity intact. I had no way to prove my brother cheated me. In addition I've not chosen to confront him or my SIL regarding the earrings even though I have solid proof through pictures and knowledge that the original earrings had threaded posts and the ones given were tiny and not threaded. All I know is I don't want any contact with either of them ever again. Sad what things like this do to families.
Sandi