I'm feeling sad ...

[Getupngo]

A couple of months ago I took in a new roomie. I had known her a while and I admit she is troubled. Last year she lost parental rights for her kids (including an 8 1/2-year-old), went to jail and while she was in jail, her longtime boyfriend committed suicide. When she got out, she was living in a shelter and so despondent. So I offered to rent her a room, with the stated expectation that she would have to be clean & sober.

She did really well for a while. She was beginning to smile and laugh, found a couple of decent guys to date and was doing things with nice girlfriends. Well, four days ago she disappeared. I heard from her here and there, but it was clear she was on a runner, doing drugs. I knew I was going to have to ask her to leave. Well, at 1 a.m. I got a call from her -- she's in jail, again. Seems she clobbered some woman she thought had cheated her out of some money.

I'm glad I didn't have to kick her out (I coulda been the one she clobbered), but I'm so sad for her. She says she will probably be in for another year and a half. I had hoped with a nice safe place to live, she had a better chance of cleaning up. And I'm back to an empty house.

The up side, is that I can make my summer travel plans. I wasn't ABOUT to leave her alone in my house while I took off. I had looked at taking a volunteer gig in Wisconsin about 40 miles from where her little girl was living with her sister. Now I can look closer to home.

[Bethers]

Awwwwwwww, Janice. Sure understand you being sad. But while you're sad, please be proud of yourself. You gave her opportunities she wouldn't have had. Unfortunately, she made some more bad choices. You did good! And now make some plans to be good to yourself with some nice travel plans.

[Echo]

Don't feel sad Janice. And I certainly hope your not feeling guilty in any way. That your not feeling like you should have done more. Or something else. Or something differently. Not for what she has done.

Where your concerned? You did what you could to help a friend. The rest of it was up to her.

We each make our own choices in life. Then we have to live with the outcome.

[AlmostThere]

You have a big heart, Janice, but she needed more. Was she geting any counseling and/or professional guidance?
I'm glad it ended ok for you in that you and your home are intact, and your other plans can go on to your liking now.

[ohlucy05]

I hope you do not feel guilty in any way - you were an awesome friend to try to help. She unfortunately made other choices and she will have to live with those choices.

I hope that she realizes that she must make good choices to live life. And I am sorry that you got disappointed by her actions but you really had no control (much like we do with our adult children)

Prayers to all and I hope that when someone else needs help you will be there to help. Again you are an awesome person to bring someone and try and help them. I call you one of God's little angels on earth.

ohlucy

[retiredhappy]

Janice, you did a wonderful thing for her but addicts are so very hard to keep clean. Concentrate on yourself now and stay safe. Please don't consider letting her back in your home, it could be dangerous, not necessarily from her but from her druggie friends.

[avalen]

bless you for helping Janice, you can only do so much though, they have to make
their own decision on how they want to live their life. I went through this with my
son and yes its heartbreaking but like I said, you can only do so much. Go on and
make your plans for you and enjoy yourself knowing your home is still safe and
intact.

[Cedar518]

you did ok,.... nothing to be down about. you can make your own decisions, she had to make hers. unfortunately she made bad decisions. I've heard that some people are the kind that when things start going good for them they sabotage themselves. she did just that.

you are a stand up gal giving her that chance. now do for YOU!

[WickedLady]

Janice, I agree with what everyone else has said.

[dpf]

Janice, I agree with everything that everyone else has said. However I do have one suggestion. If she had keys to your house I would make sure that all the locks are changed.

[sharon]

It's always hard when someone does something like that...you can't help but think maybe if I had seen the signs maybe I could have done something to stop her....I'm thinking you're not only sad but maybe just a little guilty, too. Don't be, there was absolutely nothing you could have done. She did it to herself and she will continue to do it to herself until she makes a personal decision to stop her self-destructive behavior, which she may never do until she od's and kills herself. And don't take it personal, she didn't do it to you, she did it to herself. Pat yourself on the back for trying to help her, and go on with your life. You did good, GF!

[Sparkle]

Who said, "Let no good deed go unpunished."? Your punishment is you are left with a let down disapointed feeling. It could have been a lot worse. Now, when she gets out of jail what are your plans? In my opinion you extended the hand of friendship once, and once was enough. There's another saying, Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and shame on me. Do I have that right?

[Getupngo]

Thanks, everyone for the support. And no, I don't blame myself. There is nothing I could do to keep her sober, and nothing I could do to get her to use. She made her own choices. I just feel so sad for her and the outcome she's living with right now. Because she was on probation, the court was mandating all kinds of counseling. But I think she was bucking all of it. Maybe this incarceration will soften that resolve somewhat.

And dpf, don't worry ... I'm ahead of you on that. She has a key to my security door, but I'm locking the interior doors until I get the security doors re-keyed. Right now, that key probably is in her personal belongings at the jail and out of reach. But I'm taking no chances.

I don't, however, think I'll be taking in any more lost sheep. I may try to find another roommate because I really did like having another human in the house. But next time it won't be a rescue.

[Liz]

Listen to youself, Janice, and be very careful out there. There are many seemingly helpless and downtrodden people who will take advantage of a generous heart like yours. Test the spirits, as the scripture cautions us.

[SeeyaGal]

You have a good heart Janice, hopefully the gal gets her act together some day. Glad you are changing the locks for peace of mind.