Frustrated...

[BarbaraRose]

Last year my dad's drivers license was revoked by the police (who contacted the DMV) after two 911 calls which landed him in the hospital, both times with a blood alcohol level at or above .20. (They also found over 30 empty vodka bottles laying around the house.) The DMV told him he had to take a written and behind the wheel test in order to get his license back. He took the written test twice and failed both times.

Last week he got another letter from the DMV saying he needed a form filled out by his doctor in order to get his license back. His renter called me and told me he was taking him to his doctor (yesterday) to get the form filled out. So I called his doctors office to let them know that my brothers and I don't feel he should be allowed to drive anymore due to his past drinking issues and his current dementia issues.
His doctor not only filled out the form saying it was OK to reinstate his driving privilages, but also told my dad that his kids informed him that (we) no longer want him driving. I thought that would be kept confidential. My dad was happy he got the form OK'd but was furious that we contacted his doctor saying not to OK it.

His doctor is 76 years old and has never been willing to talk to any of us. My oldest brother even faxed him copies of his medical power of attorney forms in order to be able to discuss my dad's situation with him, but was told those forms are not good enough and that we needed a letter signed by my dad giving us permission to speak to his doctor. That doesn't sound right to me. So my brother never did get to talk to him. Now he is going against our wishes by signing this form. We feel the doctor, considering his age, is protecting my dad from his "evil children" who are trying to take away his independence. I have even written this doctor a letter telling him about my dad's dementia problems and he has never even brought it up to my dad let alone evaluated him for it.

It is hard enough dealing with my dad but his doctor is not helping things any. He loves his doctor and would not ever agree to see anyone else. He calls him his "buddy"!

And now we are on my dad's S%#t list (again).

[Bethers]

Sounds like that doctor might have gotten past his time of usefullness also. Unfortunately, he and your dad will continue to make life dangerous and difficult. Doesn't your dad still have to pass the tests? If so, that letter won't get him too far.

[IrishIroamed]

Call the DMV directly. Just because there is a letter does not mean he can pass the tests. I'd also report the doctor since he is going against family wishes and not adhering to the POA.

[mitch5252]

..
I know how very frustrating dealing with eldery patients is (although not the alcoholic part).
But one thing to be aware of is that medical professionals are very strictly tied to HIPAA rules and regulations, which in part, define just who can receive what information about a patient. They can suffer pretty significant fines if found in violation of these rules.

Good luck with your Dad. Remember all the crap he put up with raising you! Time for payback, eh? We all just want to be loved.

Hugs to you.
..

[retiredhappy]

Barb, if your medical POA was done by an attorney and you're sure it meets the legal standards, I would contact the medical board in your state and file a complaint against the doctor. I once had an older doctor pat me on the head and tell me not to worry my little head about a medical issue I was having. He's damn lucky he's still got a hand. Found a new doctor. Sounds like your Dad's should retire as well. I would also contact the DMV to see if there's anything you can do. You probably don't have to worry about him passing the tests anyway. Just be prepared that he may drive without his license. Its so hard dealing with someone who drinks - you're always dealing with the alcohol not the person and his brain has been fried by his years of drinking. Keep your chin up. You can only do so much.

[grammynmaggie]

Barbie I feel for you... I am so thankful that my dad gave up his keys
after the incident he had a couple weeks ago..... he knew it could have been much worse
If it would have happened in a public area like a shopping center bank etc...
Hopefully he will not pass the test... but if he insist on driving I would go to the police
Tell them his history and he is not fit to be driving and ask what they could do .... and I agree that doctor should not be practicing medicine... good luck...
donna

[monik7]

Barbie, can you or your brother disable the car just in case he decides to drive without a license? I know there's always a desire to stay with a trusted doctor, but it seems his doctor is not doing the right thing for your father. Maybe you should seriously think about getting recommendations for a different geriatric doctor who will do the right thing instead of trying to be a "buddy." Hugs. Sorry you have to deal with all this.
Sandi

[Pooker]

To add to Sandi's suggestion: A vehicle can be disabled easily by finding the fuse panel, either under the hood or under the dash, and pulling the engine fuse. The fuse identifications should be on the cover or right next to fuses. This will disable the engine starting system so the engine will turn over but not start. There are other solutions (i.e., installing a toggle switch under the dash that hooks into the fuse panel; and Fords particularly have a fuel shut-off switch located in the trunk behind the carpet wall; etc.).

Pooker

[havingfunnow]

Barbie, I'm so sorry! That is just so hard.

I'd agree with everybody's advice . . . but I'd start with disabling the vehicle, because it sounds like your father might try to drive without a license.

Your brother should check with a lawyer to find out exactly what rights and responsibilities the medical power of attorney gives him. I doubt that a doctor can legally refuse to consult with someone holding that document, though he certainly could ignore their input. This is likely to come up again, so you need to know where you stand before the next incident.

Hang in there! I'm sending lots of good energy your way.

[snowball]

how hard on everyone it is when they are elderly and not displaying much sense! Then to through in alcohol. what a hard time it is
agree to needing to know what your or your brothers rights are...Hepa makes it really hard so have to have them drawn up to fit...but it sounds like the doctor wouldn't listen anyway ...think he has to much empathy not always a good thing with a patient ....take care in the mean time disable the car we won't tell
sheila

[BirdbyBird]

I would Imagine that the medical power of attorney isn't useful as soon as your father says he doesn't want the doctor talking to the family member.....

[avalen]

how frustrating for you, but I think some sound advice from the girls. I think you need a ((((((hug))))))

[BarbaraRose]

We did have his car disabled but he got his neighbor over to fix it. Now since the car has sat for the past 8 months with no use and thru a very cold winter, the battery is dead. He has asked the neighbor (who is a mechanic) to put a new battery in. Neighbor called me about it and wanted to know what to do. I told him to do whatever he felt OK with doing. My brothers and I don't want to put others in the middle of this situation or expect them to lie, etc, if they don't feel comfortable doing so.

My dad's renter is a driving instructor and said he would still have to pass a written and road test, which I am sure he can't anyways. The renter has chalked the wheels of his car (before the battery died) to check if he was driving or not. Now we will just have to wait and see if he gets the car fixed.

I did read the letter today that the doctor wrote for the DMV and he did mention in there that "the family" is concerned about my dad's driving due to past alcohol issues, but that my dad said if he chose to drink, would not drive (yeah, right , never stopped him before), and that he (the doctor) felt my dad was capable of driving safely at this point.

We'll see what the DMV says about that letter.

My dad hasn't had a drink since last August when he came home from the nursing home. However, he is a binge drinker so he can go many months or even years without a drink, but once he has one, he can't stop and drinks 24/7 until he is so sick he has to stop again for awhile. He almost died twice last year from that. Our main concern is that with being able to drive, he would start drinking again having easy access to bars and liquor stores.

Apparently my dad assumes it was one of my brothers who talked to his doctor, because he was fine talking to me today and asked me to fax the letter to the DMV for him.

[havingfunnow]

Oh, no! I didn't realize you had already disabled the car. Such a "helpful" neighbor. Sigh. It's good that his renter has chalked the wheels. That will give you some warning.

Do you think he could actually pass the written and driving tests this time? What about insurance, after having his license suspended? Would he drive without a license?

Sounds like it's wait-and-see now. Ugh. You have my sympathy on that! While you're waiting, maybe your brother can check the legal range of his medical power of attorney?

[monik7]

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think you're being too easy on the neighbor. I wonder what the neighbor would feel like if your fathers drives after the neighbor put in the new battery and your dad kills himself or worse someone else like a child. Since your neighbor asked you about it I think it shows he had some concern about the situation. I would have told him "No way" and would have reminded him about the chances of your dad killing himself and/or others. Would your neighbor want that on his conscience?
Sandi