Knowing When to "Fold 'em"

[Carolinagal]

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) Laura !!! Some good advice here, I can't really add anything, but do have issues with family too. Main thing we have to keep in mind, is we can't make anyone "love" us. and when they harbor so much anger at no telling what, there is just no way there's room for anyone or anything else in their life. Such a horrible waste of life !! But you can't do anything !!!

As it was said we can't choose any of our family, family can be those in our lives who care or love us !!! " Life is what WE make it " , I always told my children this, and I firmly believe it, and apply it to my own life. It's hard at times but you have to move on and do what you do have control over, how you feel about what you want in life.

Good Luck, and remember we are always here for you !!

CArol

[cpatinjones]

Hugs!!!

[BarbaraRose]

Toxic people need to be eliminated from our lives in order for us to be happy and healthy. Sounds like you weren't very close to your brother anyways, so it is time to let go and move on and let him deal with his s&%t on his own. You can't fix or rescue him and you can't afford to be his dumping ground for his anger. It doesn't belong to you anyways.

You have good friends all over who love and appreciate and need you. Focus on them. They are ultimately your "family".

Once my dad is gone, I will move back south somewhere, as I am not close to my brothers or their families. My brothers were both very verbally and emotionally abusive to me and we don't communicate now other than if needed regarding my dad. (I just had a dream last night about them being very abusive to me).

This poem always puts things in perspective for me:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."
That last part is the most important.

Good luck.

[Pooker]

Laura,

I'm so sorry you are hurting right now. No one can hurt us quite as much as those who are supposed to love us. If the truth be known, I believe just about ALL families are dysfunctional in one way or another. You are going though a tough time, a rough patch right now, but you are not going through it alone. You always have these sisters behind you. Take what they say to heart.

Evie

[SoCalGalcas]

Laura, such a sad situation. Remember, if people don't treat you with respect, get them out of your life! Thank heavens for the Forum sisters. You have received some good advice and many hugs. Lyn

[gingerK]

Laura, the ladies here have said it all. I can only add that I'm keeping you in my prayers.

[Redetotry]

Big hugs Laura, sorry you are having to deal with this.
As Barbie said " Sounds like you weren't very close to your brother anyways, so it is time to let go and move on and let him deal with his s&%t on his own. You can't fix or rescue him and you can't afford to be his dumping ground for his anger. It doesn't belong to you anyways."
Others have said that many times our friend are our family and I totally agree. I was pretty much without family support from the time I was 17, and I found that there were many people who stepped in along the way to be 'family'. Some for awhile and others are still in my life. At some point you just have to accept that the person who separates from you may have reasons you will never understand, it doesn't mean you have to allow them to disrupt your life because they choose to be angry at others rather than to deal with their problems.

[Queen]

I feel for you! My brother is another angry man, he can be nice if he wants something but his go-to emotion is always anger. Once moms estate is settled I'm positive he and I will drift very far apart... can't wait!

[Riafromnj]

What a wonderful group of women you all are! I am amazed at how many people have gone through similar difficulties with their biologic family. I have stopped visiting my mother a few years ago because I am just an ATM machine for her and not much more. She really never liked me and I am coming to terms with it at age 44. Honestly, friends have done more for me than my entire family put together in terms of love and support. Hang in there. It looks like you have a solid group of friends here and I can sense the love they have for you.

[dayspring39]

As I read the comments and felt your pain Laura tears filled my eyes... My youngest daughter Margie called me yesterday morning lamenting the fact that she has no real relationship with her twin sisters (the twins are the ones that have caused me so much pain this past winter)... I told her as many of you have told Laura there are the friends that we choose that are closer than our families...
Laura may God dry your tears and keep you close... such sadness many of us are going through... we wish for a perfect family but it is not to be... hang tight to the lovely ladies of this forum we do so care for you and feel what you are going through...
Me and My Shadow