giving up the key..

[grammynmaggie]

What do you do when your elderly parent
needs to give up their car keys... and wont
Any help or advice will be greatly appreciated
donna

[BirdbyBird]

Sometimes physicians can get involved and assist. Depending upon the clearity of thought process, I had a friend and her brother who disabled their mother's car and just told her it wouldn't run anymore......

Is there and Elder Service counselor (COA) that you could talk with maybe get their suggestions or have them mediate the discussion......

Is there a recent evaluation from an eye doctor regarding use of vision?

[Deeann]

I like the idea of disabling the car, if you can get them to believe it. Otherwise, the doctor may have to intervene and write a letter to the state.

[JudyJB]

In some states, you can anonymously report the older person to the license bureau or police who will require him or her to retake a driver's test. Unfortunately, in some states, you can renew your driver's license even if you are almost blind because you can do it by mail or online, and the police can do nothing about it.

In my mother's case, we told her that her youngest grandson desperately needed a car to get back and forth to college. Luckily she had not been driving it much and was agreeable to give it to him because he needed it so much. In other words, she was willing to give it up for a grandchild, but not when the rest of us argued with her.

[snowball]

that is a tough one...and one I haven't had to deal with..when my husband was sick he just quit driving and I became the driver...I think my MIL pretty much just gave it up..my mom still drives around town but usually has someone drive longer distances I hope that I will know what to do when that time comes...it's hard to give up the independence that 'keys' afford....good luck
sheila

[retiredhappy]

Giving up driving is my biggest fear since there is absolutely no bus service in my small town and who can afford taxis. I don't want to depend on my daughter for every little trip to the market or post office. Texas allows you to renew your license by mail but only every other time. In between you have to go take the eye exam in person. Its a really hard decision - it means giving up entirely your independence. I hope that I will recognize when I become unsafe to drive anymore. If I can no longer drive either my car or my RV I will be ready to go to the Rainbow Bridge and gather all my critters.

[Cudedog]

If I can no longer drive either my car or my RV I will be ready to go to the Rainbow Bridge and gather all my critters.

You know, I think about this a lot. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I really hope the Rainbow Bridge is real. Believing that it is real, or at least thinking about it, is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes.

It's been a rough few years for me. I used to breed and show Staffordshire Bull Terriers. In fact, my foundation bitch (yes, this is the correct term for a female dog) was in the top five (AKC points) for her breed for a few years. All owner-handled, for those of you who understand such things.

Unlike many people who show dogs, once a dog is mine, it is mine for life. Finances (marraige went south) stopped my showing after a few years (showing dogs was just about the most fun I ever had). At the time I stopped showing I had seven dogs. Which might sound like a lot of dogs to the ladies here, but was just part of life for me. They were not kennel dogs, they were all house dogs.

Each of my dogs was a year or two apart in age. Which basically sounds fine, and, actually is fine.

Until the inevitable starts to happen.

I know that several here on the board have lost their long-time canine companions recently, so maybe you can relate. To lose a long-time friend and companion every ten or fifteen years or so is, of course, always devastating. But at least, for most people, this only happens every ten or fifteen years.

Where I am at is that I have been losing beloved companions that have been with me ten or fifteen years, and losing them, one after another, about every twelve to eighteen months.

I have two dogs left out of the seven. I had big plans to travel with these dogs starting this spring, and the interior of my van was designed with this in mind. Both are 13 years old. My sweet boy Rod, who I have written about here in the past, has just been diagnosed with inoperable lung tumors. He is beginning to have difficulty breathing. He is on prednisone, which slows the progression, but. . . well, you can guess the rest.

Sorry to hijack the thread. That mention of the Rainbow Bridge set me off, I guess.

Anne

[grammynmaggie]

Thanks everyone for your input... it was a very traumatic time the other day
my dad doesn't have his usual problems with the elderly. he can see great
he is sharp as a tack.. just your normal memory loss... the problem is with his feet
a lot of numbness... sometimes he can't feel them.... putting the car away the other evening
He got his foot caught on the accelerator... the car was out of control going up the street
got a high rate of speed.. from one side of the street to the next hitting a mailbox ..palm tree
Finally he turn the key off... it was two minutes of pure terror from hell... I was running up the street screaming after him... I thought he had a heart attack or something worse.. thank the Lord
no one was hurt including him... so far I've got him to agree that I chauffeur for him around for awhile... and that will hopefully lead into he won't be driving... friend came over and told him he would be more than willing to chauffeur him around also.... so thanks again for your input
I was beside myself

[BarbaraRose]

How scary! That could have ended badly! Good thing he wasn't on a busy road! Hopefully, it scared him enough to consider giving up the driving.

My dad still wants to try to get his license back, but I know he will never pass the tests, written or behind the wheel. We are just worried he will try to drive without a license. His car is currently disabled but he is trying to get his neighbor to fix it.

[JudyJB]

The town I used to live in had senior/disabled bus service, but I know a lot of cities do not.

I guess when the time comes, having some kind of on-call bus service for seniors is a good reason for choosing one place to live over another.

Another thing to add to my list of things to think about in growing old. Darn list is getting too long.

[Pooker]

This is a question I grapple with a lot lately. I know what Karen means about being stuck and hanging up the keys is a major concern for those of us who are seniors. We never thought of ourselves as being old. And then out of the blue, the realization smacks you side of the head. I'd be curious to find out how old was the oldest person you know or met who was still competent behind the wheel of a RV?

I'll start: I had a friend in his late 80's who could still climb up on the roof of his motorhome, back it up through the eye of a needle, and none of us ever thought he was "old". He got cancer and died within months of the diagnosis so he never had to face the when to hang up the keys question.

Pooker

[linann]

Tough situation, Donna.

[grammynmaggie]

Well as of yesterday he wont be driving...its still a sad situation
thanks everyone...
as far as the oldest RV'er I know...lol..the only RV people
I know are on this site...so there ya go...who will fess up
to being the "oldest" lol
have a fun day and stay safe donna

[Nasoosie]

Wow, Donna----such a scary happening for both of you!

So, will he be traveling with you back to PA this summer, or do you think you might stay down here with him?

Happy to hear he will no longer be driving!

[MandysMom]

We had friends in our FMCA group who when we last saw them were both in their 90's and he was still driving their converted bus and towing. We did hear that a year or two later their "kids" ( I quote that because when you are in your 90's your kids may still be your kids but were in their late 60's and 70's) made them hang up their keys. They had attended a rally and had the energy of those 30 years younger !
Velda