Pride goeth ...

[Redetotry]

Below is part of an article I read and I think it says a lot as to what has happened to cause such a change in younger people. It's the trial and error of learning a new skill when the old ways just are no longer applicable. Like the article says, parents need a map to show where and how to navigate the present.

It sounds to me like the hard part now is how to convey to your adult children that as parents you did the best you could in the circumstances of the unfamiliar life that left you with no point of reference. My heart goes out to you all and I hope that your children will somehow realize how hard it was to be a parent in a world that was changed so quickly.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belk ... 65620.html

"Nearly everything about childhood today is completely unlike the one in which we were raised. Our children can communicate instantly and constantly. They live with the knowledge that terror no longer requires a government, and has actually reached our shores. Jobs are no longer lifetime guarantees. Families are no longer mom, dad, 2.5 children and a dog. Kids who are different are more likely to be met where they are, rather than pressed to be something they are not. Life is faster and more cacophonous, with more possibilities but also more land mines. Things that used to be hard are easy, and things that used to be easy are hard. Our children are over scheduled and over-coddled. They are simultaneously asked to grow up too quickly --sexualized early, exposed to violence in the media and infantilized with hovering parents and dependence that extends into their thirties).
Today's children do everything sooner, faster and more intensely than we did, and no amount of longing for yesterday is going to change the reasons that is true. Parents are not so much the reasons for change -- peers, technology, social trends, world events are far more powerful forces -- as we are the ones children rely on to guide them through it.

To do that, we don't need a map back to the past, but rather one that will show us where we've strayed a bit from the best path going forward, and help recalibrate. One that will help us navigate the future. Or better yet, the present."

[monik7]

Below is part of an article I read and I think it says a lot as to what has happened to cause such a change in younger people. It's the trial and error of learning a new skill when the old ways just are no longer applicable. Like the article says, parents need a map to show where and how to navigate the present.

It sounds to me like the hard part now is how to convey to your adult children that as parents you did the best you could in the circumstances of the unfamiliar life that left you with no point of reference. My heart goes out to you all and I hope that your children will somehow realize how hard it was to be a parent in a world that was changed so quickly.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belk ... 65620.html

"Nearly everything about childhood today is completely unlike the one in which we were raised. Our children can communicate instantly and constantly. They live with the knowledge that terror no longer requires a government, and has actually reached our shores. Jobs are no longer lifetime guarantees. Families are no longer mom, dad, 2.5 children and a dog. Kids who are different are more likely to be met where they are, rather than pressed to be something they are not. Life is faster and more cacophonous, with more possibilities but also more land mines. Things that used to be hard are easy, and things that used to be easy are hard. Our children are over scheduled and over-coddled. They are simultaneously asked to grow up too quickly --sexualized early, exposed to violence in the media and infantilized with hovering parents and dependence that extends into their thirties).
Today's children do everything sooner, faster and more intensely than we did, and no amount of longing for yesterday is going to change the reasons that is true. Parents are not so much the reasons for change -- peers, technology, social trends, world events are far more powerful forces -- as we are the ones children rely on to guide them through it.

To do that, we don't need a map back to the past, but rather one that will show us where we've strayed a bit from the best path going forward, and help recalibrate. One that will help us navigate the future. Or better yet, the present."

That article is interesting, but many of us are having problems with our children who grew up in the 70s, not today's kids with the Internet, computers, smartphones, etc. I keep trying to figure out what I did wrong back in the 70s and 80s to cause my daughter to treat me the way she does now. Maybe that's the problem, we always put the blame on ourselves. I agree the world my daughter lives in now with her 3 children and 1 foster child, busy job, kids' activities, etc. is different from mine when my kids were young. However, when she makes dinner for her kids she pops it in the microwave and her family doesn't sit down together to eat where I came home from work and made a full sit-down dinner from scratch. I do agree there is more today to be concerned with in raising kids, but believe I spent just as much time raising my kids as she does. She's extremely intelligent, but without encouragement from her parents would not have gone on to graduate from Stanford and Yale Law School. If I did the running around getting her applications and reminding her to take the tests, she was OK with it. Maybe that's where I went wrong, doing too much for her. But then I look at the how successful she is and the lifestyle they're able to live and I think my efforts were worth it. So I wonder if that encouragement is what bothers her now. But then I wonder if I hadn't encouraged her, she'd say I should have taken more interest. It's a no-win situation for a parent.
Sandi

[Redetotry]

[quote=""

That article is interesting, but many of us are having problems with our children who grew up in the 70s, not today's kids with the Internet, computers, smartphones, etc. I keep trying to figure out what I did wrong back in the 70s and 80s to cause my daughter to treat me the way she does now. Maybe that's the problem, we always put the blame on ourselves. I agree the world my daughter lives in now with her 3 children and 1 foster child, busy job, kids' activities, etc. is different from mine when my kids were young. However, when she makes dinner for her kids she pops it in the microwave and her family doesn't sit down together to eat where I came home from work and made a full sit-down dinner from scratch. I do agree there is more today to be concerned with in raising kids, but believe I spent just as much time raising my kids as she does. She's extremely intelligent, but without encouragement from her parents would not have gone on to graduate from Stanford and Yale Law School. If I did the running around getting her applications and reminding her to take the tests, she was OK with it. Maybe that's where I went wrong, doing too much for her. But then I look at the how successful she is and the lifestyle they're able to live and I think my efforts were worth it. So I wonder if that encouragement is what bothers her now. But then I wonder if I hadn't encouraged her, she'd say I should have taken more interest. It's a no-win situation for a parent.
Sandi[/quote]

Sandi it sounds like you did a wonderful job and you would think your daughter would be thanking you forever. The 70's and 80's were really challenging and many things changed then too. Won't it be interesting to see how your daughters children treat her when they are away from home, or maybe even now she may be getting an idea of how disrespect feels. It does seem like a no-win situation for you.

Does anyone remember that survey that Ann Landers did where she asked her readers if they had it to do over again would they have children and a very large majority said NO they would not. But of course maybe only the ones who weren't happy parents responded. Still I remember it was pretty shocking.