Honestly baffled ........????

[avalen]

Has she moved in? How soon can you get back in the 5er?

I did say its getting crowded in here moving soon, looking at Christmas break payday of the 20th to get things rolling.

[Cudedog]

How very sad, and very alarming.

Hopefully, your son will think this through and realize she might not be the best choice to be the mother of his children.

I agree with Beth and those who have asked how soon you can be out of there. This sounds like an unhealthy, if not actually dangerous, situation. For all concerned.

Good luck. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anne

[avalen]

It occurs to me that your school system probably has a psychiatrist on staff for the kids. That person could probably direct you to some information.

oh yes, I never thought of that, will check into that tomorrow, thanks for clearing my head

[chalet05]

Wow! One of those things you have probably heard about but don't expect to encounter! Reminds me of our shock at our family reunion this summer when a lovely young lady walked in and had two heads (not our family).

[avalen]

its not a long term relationship for him, she has cancer of the ovaries, and because of her mental illness, she can't make her
own decisions. Her mother wouldn't let them do a hysterectomy on her and now the doctors say she waited too long. They did
a biopsy and its stage 3. The chemo nearly killed her she said. I did talk to son while she's in taking a bath, he says the multi
personalities don't bother him, he's upset about the cancer though.
Moving out very soon.

two heads? oh yea, that would be a shocker too

[Acadianmom]

Unless your son can confirm what she is telling him from another source I don't know that I would believe anything she says.

My ex-daughter in law has had mental problems off and on and I see how it affects my grandson. I don't know if she is finally on medication but she has finally calmed down a lot.

Martha

[linann]

Do you think it's possible she is making everything up for the sympathy factor? She may think it will keep him attached. Or, she may be trying to get you to move. Wonder what meds her doctor prescribed. Getting into your 5th wheel again soon will surely be a relief.

[WickedLady]

I would be afraid that jealousy between the personalities could pop up and lead to violence.

[Anniepoo]

There are three people in this -

your son's girlfriend
about whom you're saying mixed things - at first you say she's perfectly nice, seems to have clarity about her condition and be coping well,
etc. Then you say she's got ovarian cancer and that she's been declared incompetent, which rings lots of alarm bells for me,
as you have to be pretty crazy to be legally incompetent in my experience. So I'm not getting a coherent picture of who she is.

In my life I've dealt with a lot of people in unusual situations. Working for the rights of transgendered people leads one to meet lots of people
whose lives and situations are complex or unusual. I've relied on asking myself 'how much do I *trust* this person?
* would I turn my back on them?
* would I let them in my home?
* would I leave them alone in my home for 10 minutes while I ran across the street?
* would I trust them to set up a meeting, like for a hobby club?
* Imagine you'll be working in a distant place for a while, and want to buy a beater car. Would you wire this person a few thousand dollars
to buy you a car?
* Would you trust them to make major decisions for you, like making arrangements of your affairs if you were disabled?
* Would you trust them with your life?

Answering this question often tells me a lot.

your son

We've got to ask how he'd answer these questions. If you don't like the answer to that, you've got to ask why he's involved with her.
Which might have as much to do with him as with her.

and you
In N. India there's a saying - "You marry your mother in law". Of course in N. India it's normal for the bride and groom to move into the groom's parents house, but it still applies. How do you feel about having this woman as a daughter in law?
How does that influence how you view her?

8c/ that's my take. I'm well qualified as a computer programmer, so consider what it's worth.

Seriously, I'd say this would be a great time for you to go see somebody with a license, both to get clarity about your own feelings and to
get a more authoritative opinion about this woman.

[Azusateach]

Wow, Ava.

I've actually had some experience with this, second-hand.

A friend of mine had a large house and decided that as a "ministry" she'd rent out a room to someone in need. She didn't need the money, but rather felt like she'd been given this large house and needed to be a good steward of it.

Well, through a mutual acquaintance, my friend met "Kathy", and found her to be quite nice, had a responsible job, and a cute dog that got along well with her Lab. So Kathy moved in. THEN she told my friend about her multiples, which stemmed from a highly abusive childhood. Well, Kathy's multiples came in and out of the house and never caused any trouble, except to keep my friend constantly on her toes because she didn't know who she'd be dealing with at any given moment.

The worst time was when we took Kathy camping in my friend's motorhome. Kathy was out of her element, and as a result one of her more assertive personalities came out and she was a royal pain. I remember vividly having a yelling match with that personality & telling her to go away. She wasn't welcome on our camping trip. Don't remember how it ended, but the weekend sure wasn't as relaxing as we'd hoped.

Kathy had ovarian cancer, too. She had surgery, but by the time it was done the cancer had spread. She ended up living with her therapist, I think, until she died. Very sad situation.

All of this is to say that I'd get out of there as quickly as possible. This is your son's issue, and the sooner you can distance yourself from the drama that is sure to come, the better/safer/healthier you'll be. This is your son's choice, not yours. I'd do whatever you need to to get yourself out of the house as quickly as possible. Is your daughter's home some place you might be able to stay for a week or so? Not to wig you out, but I'd be concerned about your dog. You don't know what all those personalities think about animals.

Good luck, Ava.

[JudyJB]

Anniepoo makes some excellent points. I like the questions she asks. I would certainly keep medications, valuables, bank checkbook and stuff, and identification and important papers hidden or locked in the RV. The ovarian cancer strikes me as strange also because of the coincidence of this person having all those problems. It sounds as if your son is trying to rescue her, as my son tried once with someone, but some people just cannot be rescued by a caring person.

I have a brother who has lifelong psychological and substance abuse problems and neither I nor his children would answer yes to any of those questions, in spite of how we really care about him. He married two women and was involved with others who fell for his charm and sad stories about his past life and personal problems, so I know how trusting people can be taken in by someone who has serious problems, even though that person may not really intend at the time to take advantage of them. It just happens when the diseases get control.

I agree that you need to move out immediately. Is this your home or your son's? Sorry you have to go through this so close to retiring.

[snowball]

wow what a situation! I have of course heard of the multiple personalities ...we never know what we would do if the situation was bad enough to distance ourselves from that moment...and that is what I think I understand is why they become more...one of the other personalities can deal better in a moment then one of the other...and with the cancer at the stage it is would think that they will switch back and forth more..I don't understand why the adoptive mother didn't allow the surgery that to me is weird!! I agree removing yourself might be the best for all concerned...even the multiples...do you have BLM land in your area and the ability to live in the desert for a couple weeks until you can get into a park? they have the 14 free day areas as well as the long term just a thought....
sheila

[MelissaD]

because of her mental illness, she can't make her own decisions. Her mother wouldn't let them do a hysterectomy on her and now the doctors say she waited too long.

If your son is in a relationship with her, she may not be "age of consent". I had a friend years ago picked up a woman in a bar she appeared to be late 20's. Due to her mental issues she was not of legal mental age and he was arrested. Since her mom still has control of the doctors I suspect she is legally a minor at age 30.

Mental illness runs in my partners family and it is a mess to deal with. You can't be mad at them for the disease but it sure is frustrating. Current laws are odd and some vary sate by state. It's difficult to force them to have treatment. My partner legally is her son's payee but he is still free to squander his money. He quit therapy and meds so he can go out drinking with his buddies. It's a pain in the rear to deal with him. We moved him out of house for our sanity when he stopped his treatment. As for his sister, well we are raising the baby and the child has not seen her mother since she was 6 months old. Turns 3 in about a week. Both kids belong in group homes but the state cut funding and closed most homes.

I'd talk to my son and head to the camper.

[havingfunnow]

It's Monday. I hope you're contacting the school psychiatrist today. (Sorry to be a nag!)

I do think you should move ASAP. I don't know enough about multiple personalities to give advice, but I have done a little volunteer work with special needs children. A small child's mental ability and emotional control in an adult's body can lead to some fearsome temper tantrums -- and Alice is about 6, isn't she?

Let us know how you're doing and what you're doing. We're all thinking about you.

[Anniepoo]

If you want to 'move out' before you retire on the 20th, can you become an urban boondocker for a few weeks, live the exciting lifestyle
of Walmart after closing? Or just go to an RV park?

If you don't want to confront your son with 'its that girl or me', you could even say you'd like to have time for 'sea trials' of the RV before the
big adventure, so you're going to get 'on the road' but be in the immediate area in case something goes south with the rig.