Shared Housing - another option

[JoanE]

Last year, I attended the workshop in Sarasota on shared housing. I met Karen and Marianne, two gals mentioned in the attached article. This concept is definitely of interest to me and may be a viable alternative for some of you. It is both a social and economic solution to our later years, especially if you are no longer part of a couple.


http://www.aarp.org/home-family/your-ho ... aring.html

[sharon]

I've thought about this a lot. I have that big house and it's just me. There are pros and cons about keeping it. I used to say I would never have a house mate, but I think I'm slowly changing my mind. It would be nice to have someone there when I'm gone and it would be nice to have someone that would watch the fur kids when I go where they can't. I just don't know if I could live with someone in the house all the time when I'm there. Only because I'm so used to being alone now. Lots to think about, that's for sure!

[BirdbyBird]

I have always thought a lot would depend upon who the house mate was, how the house was laid out...personal space and common area. Then again I am not that attached to the kitchen as long as I have use of it! The comparability of the other person for animals and a shared philosophy of their care and training would be a biggie.

[mtngal]

Years and years ago a friend mentioned this idea; I totally dismissed it, now, not so much. For me though I would want a more communal type arrangement, not just one other person.

[havingfunnow]

I think it could work really well with the right people -- and would give all involved more freedom of movement and more security.

[BarbaraRose]

Shared housing is very common in California because of the high cost of living. My Lake Elsinore roommate out there was great! We were very compatible. My San Diego situation was a little different but worked for the most part.

You just have to either really know someone well before living together, or do a lot of communication about all the details to make sure you are compatible (housecleaning, bill paying, pet care, smoking/drinking, how to share common areas, etc).

The house I lived in when I first moved back to MN was a disaster. None of the other 3 ladies got along and there were way too many animals in the house not to mention the drugs and alcohol . But I rented it sight unseen. Same with the first room I rented when I move to Temecula which was filthy! That lasted barely a week before I moved out, but that was also rented sight unseen.

[MelissaD]

Going in with clear expectations of what is expected from each member and what they are and are not responsible for is probably a big part of any success. Plus a good background check

Thanks for sharing the article.

[Bethers]

I lost a friendship years ago when a good friend and I became roommates ... so am not so fond of the idea. I'd more prefer something like a duplex. It's kind of like how Jean and I traveled so well together. We each had our own rig. For short term, maybe, but couldn't see me sharing on a long term basis ... too set in my ways. Kind of why I don't think I'll ever be interested in a mate again. I remember when my Mom moved into a retirement apartment. That, to me, like some of the over 55 rv parks, would be more ideal - as you still have your own place and can escape to it.

But that's just me. I can certainly understand others who would like it. And if a house could be split enough so that you each have your own space that is off limits, maybe that could work. But remember, if you share the kitchen, you'll come in one day and discover all that food YOU bought is gone. And when you nicely ask that it get replaced, it might, but with not so good versions of the stuff you had originally purchased. (Yes, I had a couple really bad experiences.)

[Excel]

I'm kinda with Beth on this one. I think it's a great idea for some but maybe not for all. I too have a big house (5 bedrooms, 3 full baths) with a downstairs bath & bedroom that can be separated by a door from the rest of the downstairs area. It's a pretty common floor plan here in CA... However, I am set in my ways too & though my daughter & I got along very well after many years of living together, there were rules & Kathy was very good about following them. Now that she's gone (& I miss her every minute of every day) and my Grandson is moving into her room, I'm wondering how that's gonna work... I'm very careful about turning lights off, watching water useage (comes from living in the mountains with a well for our water supply) and cleanliness. I'm not a nut about it but I do like a decently clean house.... (not right now as we've moved Kathy's stuff out & Ryan's stuff in... and have to have a lot picked up by Salvation Army), and I am a bit of a careful shopper... don't overbuy & use what I have... anyhow... I don't know if I could live with someone I didn't know & have to adjust my habits to theirs. Lots of pluses to a joint living arrangement, but some minuses too... Now a duplex would be the ultimate as far a I'm concerned. That could work for me for sure ! Just my 2 cents.

[OutandAbout]

I am in agreement with Beth. The house would have to be large enough to have defined space for each person. and that space should be their own. For me, I don't require many rules, I'm very easy going. I would really have a problem with taken food or used items not being replaced with the original brand. This has happened to me numerous times. I buy certain brands because I like them and those brands should be replaced. This could work if the right people get together. Almost impossible it seems.

Linda

[monik7]

This would be hard for me. Guess I'm too used to living alone and not having to worry about whether others are doing their share and not using my stuff. I moved from a 4-bedroom 2 bath home with large yard to a 3-bedroom 2 1/2 bath townhouse without a yard to care for. I've been here 15 years and am very happy with my choice. I could have gotten a 2-bedroom, but the 3-bedroom units sell better, I use one for an office, and I'll have a spare bedroom for when I can get my grandkids to come and stay when they're older. I suppose a shared arrangement would be a good choice for some as long as everything is discussed and agreed upon beforehand.
Sandi

[BarbaraRose]

One thing Beth said I totally agree with, is that friends moving in together usually doesn't work out for some reason. Also, when I have lived with others, I did feel a little bit like I was a "permanent guest" and would spend a lot of time in my bedroom for privacy and not wanting to "intrude" on their space, more so, if the place was owned by them. The apartment I had in Lake Elsinore worked great because we each had our own bedroom/bathroom and we had different work hours so we didn't see each other very often, and when we did, we got along well and respected each other's space and privacy. That is probably not very common, tho. I always have to have my own bathroom no matter where I live, if I have roommates. Hate sharing a bathroom!

Excel, you might want to write down a list of rules and/or expectations for your grandson (re: lights, music, noise, visitors, food, cleaning, etc), if you haven't already done so, so there aren't any misunderstandings later on. Writing them down and each having a copy will help you both remember what was agreed upon.

[OregonLuvr]

No way ever could I share a house again or have a roommate. I love company when they come but it is always nice to get my routine back. I am way too set in my ways. I also keep kind of odd hours at times but it suits me. I haven't been a roommate since I got divorced in 1988. I have shared hotel rooms, Motorhome, and it was totally enjoyable but still love my solitude in my own place.

I also live in a 55 and over Community. I have great neighbors and a stellar park so I am pretty happy here. Place to park my Motorhome, pool, spa....yup everything I could want. With my job and me being away several months at a time people ask me why I dont have a roommate.....the cost of a roommate could far outweigh the current expenses LOL

karen

[JoanE]

About 30+ years ago, I was divorced with a very young daughter and a 12 year old daughter. My very dear friend was divorced with a 5 year old daughter. There was a fabulous large farmhouse in our area with a swimming pool. We rented it together with the three girls. I had the upstairs bedrooms with my kids and her daughter and she had a downstairs room. We shared the living room and gigantic kitchen.

Other than the two youngest kids having some issues, it worked out great. Recently, Diana has asked me to consider a co-housing arrangement again. Problem is she lives in Richmond VA and I have no desire to live there.

The gals in the article have written a book about the legalities of their co-ownership and various agreements of "consideration". Marianne rents her home, so that is the other option. In any relationship, you must try for compatability and then have detailed agreements ahead of time to avoid major disagreements. But it worked for Diana and me and our three kids. In fact, we had a great time including some major parties with our combined friends. I think our arrangement ended when I moved to NM.

My very positive prior experience makes this a very attractive option for me sometime in the future. I don't want to be alone. I see how my formerly outgoing ex husband has become reclusive living alone in his apartment. His agreement to consider an ALF will be a very positive step for him and I think it will have a tremendous impact on his happiness. I intend to make my plans ahead of time and not leave it to my kids to handle. Shared or co-housing sounds like a perfect arrangement.

If you didn't read the article or watch the video, take a moment to do so. You may be surprised by the pros they mention to this type of arrangement. Better quality of life for less money, safety in numbers and caring friends for starters.

[Bethers]

Until you, had never heard the acronym ALF - and have known about them for years and years. And why would he need assisted living ... why not just a senior living arrangement?