Break in

[etexlady]

I just hate it when children and grandchildren take advantage. You are not an ATM machine, darn it. I agree with Readetotry, send a bill to those that owe you money. They are hoping you have forgotten or forgiven their debt. Don't let them get by with that. Get that grandson out of your townhouse. Free rent?!! He can live in the dorm or get a job and his own apartment. I don't know if the townhouse is in the same city where you currently live but, if it is and is in a better neighborhood, maybe you could consider selling the house you are in and moving to the townhouse. Or, just sell one or the other to get some cash flow going. As others have said, you don't owe anyone an apology. Do what is best for you and let them know that money machine is out of cash. They should be ashamed.

[JoanE]

I am not religious, but I like the spirit of this prayer. It really suits so many of life's situations. I especially like the Courage sentiment.

The Full Original Copy of the Serenity Prayerby Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other

Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

[OregonLuvr]

Char, children can be a real pain. You find out how your family really is when the purse strings are closed. I am NOT a people pleaser and I think this distresses my one daughter as she liked to think of me as an ATM. Keep me happy was her motto. I did not embrace that motto. When the purse strings closed so did she. We have not spoken for many years. This is her choice not mine. My other daughter never asks for anything. She doesnt have much but she and her family are happy.

Your family sounds like they need a dose of reality (you too). When the money stops flowing is when they all show their true colors. Unfortunately. You have been thru so much this past month and I admire your tenacity getting all your "ducks in a row" by yourself to feel safe.

karen

[VickieP]

Char, I was wondering how you were doing now. I hope that you got everything installed and are able to sleep at night again. Check in and let us know how you are.

[dayspring39]

Char there is no force stronger than a woman's will... when it is set on fire or sparked you can conquer all!!

I rejoice with your tenacity and courage... I too have recently had to stand up and say ENOUGH ALREADY to my children...

Happy sleeping to you...
Kathleen

[Excel]

Thank you for asking... I am doing much better ( I think)... It's funny how God works things for us... from a terrible experience comes some good.... Yes, I ordered an alarm system online from Lifeshield... nice system, installed it myself to save the $150 installation fee... used it a few days & found out that it does not have an outdoor siren, just indoor one. Plus they don't contact police directly but a guard service of some kind.... that would bill me $65 to answer an alert... Anyway, wasn't happy about no outdoor 'noise'.. so I returned it. Hopefully, as I was in the 'trial' period, they'll return my money in the not too distant future. I then started doing my homework online... I really learned a lot by installing that system and what I felt my needs were. Found that ADT is pretty much a leader in quality alarms... called several phone #'s close to my area... well! that was time consuming & I found out that 'ADT Authorized Dealer' means just that... dealers all over & they all have different promos that they offer.... there is no ADT office (I couldn't find one), they're all authorized dealers. So after being asked for my Visa card, my S.S.#. etc., before they would even ask me what I was wanting, (which I refused those requests...I'm old & not entirely stupid...), I was just about going to give up & called one last somewhat local number & got to talk to a real, live person. Ended up getting what I think is probably an overkill system, but makes me feel safer... Installation was included in the price. The young Tech that came out was an angel.... absolutely wonderful... cannot say anything bad about him.... he was superb & what I needed. My system is in AND working... went through a couple of hic-ups but all were solved & I got my outdoor siren & strobe light that I wanted. Some of the companies I called not only told me they didn't have an outdoor alarm, but that it was against the law. That's because they want to sell their product & not have you question their answer. I am completely happy with this system... an alert comes through my cellphone & I can check (turn on or off) with my phone if I'm away. Also, there's a website that I can go to where my 'history is noted plus I have a 'key fob' that I can keep in my pocket to activate or deactivate at will. The system is well worth the cost & my contract is only 2 yrs. & the system is mine & can move with me. So, I give ADT a '10'... Plus it's the newest on the market now & wireless..... even if someone cuts my phone lines (outside) the system works & will automatically call the police. I also have fire & medical emergency buttons if I need that kind of help.

The other gift from God is that my oldest Grandson is moving in with me at the end of the month.

[Excel]

So now I need to vent. Ryan (Grandson) moving in is really a good thing. However, even with a 5 bedroom house I have so much 'stuff'....moved from the house I had when married that was 4600 sq. ft. into this one, meant really cramming in all the furniture & things into each room here. I have a downstairs bedroom with a bath that can be private (door in hall closes it off), which was my daughters' bedroom. Have not attempted to change much in there as it is still so painful & she hasn't been gone all that long, for me anyway. Well, this is the bedroom that would be best for Ryan to move into with his bedroom set, etc. Which means I have to now not only move Kathy's stuff out, but get rid of a lot of her things that she accumulated over the years she was with me. Started going through some of her personal stuff, her bills, college books, hospital stuff, etc. Wanted to throw away everything but didn't want her name or social security infor. or DMV infor. in the garbage. So I went through all of it, removed that info so I could shred it & threw the rest away. Got 1/2 way done & couldn't stand it anymore. Started sobbing & ended up locking myself in the bathroom & screaming.... crying so hard I could hardly breathe... Haven't been able to go into her room since but will have to today. Has to be done. I just keep thinking.... parents shouldn't have to bury their children.... children should bury parents & I'm just having a hard time dealing with this.... The good thing is, Kathy would love for Ryan to be in her room... I know she wouldn't mind at all...
And no, Kathy didn't die here in this house.......
Okay..... all done venting... know others are going through bad times too... sorry... wish I could heal the world but at this point I can't even heal myself....

[mitch5252]

..
Char, I am so sorry you have to go through this - you're right - a parent should not have to bury a child.
Try to imagine Kathy smiling down on Ryan as he sleeps where she used to lay her head.
You've had a rough time of it lately. Hugs.
..

[BirdbyBird]

(((( hugs ))))) and tissues for the the tears. As hard as this is, you are moving forward and making your way. I can't imagine going through the remanents of a grown child's life and as you said most of us will not have too. It is difficult enough to sort through their left behind belongings of childhood when they have only left their home behind.....

Grieving and healing is a job of an entire lifetime.....you are moving forward. Ryan just brought you around to your next big hurdle.

[VickieP]

Char, thanks for the update, I'm glad you were able to get a great system that makes you comfortable in your home once again. I'm sorry you are having to go through this pain, vent all you want, we're here for you. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

[Bethers]

Big, big hugs to you ... (((((((((( Char )))))))))) - you most certainly can use them. And, yes, come here to vent anytime. We'll be more than happy to listen and even cry and/or scream with you.

[monik7]

I'm so glad you found a system that you're comfortable with. Now you can feel safe and get some much-needed rest. I understand completely your feelings trying to go through your daughter's things. I've had to do that with my son's belongings. We live so close to each other and have both been through that one experience every parent dreads, having to bury their chikd. If you would like to get together sometime, PM me and I'd love to give you some moral support from one who knows only too well how you're feeling. Hang in there and I hope having your grandson there will be a blessing you surely deserve. I hope you'll take me up on my offer, but if not, that's OK too. HUGS!!!
Sandi

[Cudedog]

Been thinking about you, Excel.

Hoping things are going well with the grandson move-in and the alarm system.

Please let us know how you are getting on.

Thank you.

Anne

[Excel]

Thanks so much for asking Anne... I am surviving... the system works well & has brought relief to me, especially when it's bed time. I lock everything up & go upstairs. Can't open windows up there yet... still too scary so I use a fan & the air conditioner to move the air around. Still not speaking to my son since the 'episode' where he was screaming at me... but I'm okay with that.
Been praying a lot, mostly for those here that are having health issues, etc., especially Mitch... and now Irmi losing her Mom. Sounds a little dumb but for me it gives me someone & something to keep my mind off myself.
Got a flyer in the mail about a Senior Center in Oregon.... loved the old Oregon when it was different than now, but it's still a beautiful state... Anyway, checked it out on the web & made a call to get more info. They offer apartments, cottages & houses to live in. You pay $109K to get on their 'list'... which is your entry fee & you get nothing for it other than to live in their community. Then you pay $2,900 a month (if single occupancy) for a cottage. You pay that forever until you die. There is no ownership of any kind. There is medical staff, etc. on the grounds. Guess I've been living in a fog cause I never realized how expensive it is to get old. I will be 76 in November & I have been blessed with relatively good health. I do not have any family left other than my kids & Grandkids, whom I have mentioned before as not being a loving family. Would not want to live with any of them, nor would they want me in their homes or lives anyway. So when I saw this flyer I started thinking about my future & where I can go.... I know living in my house will eventually not be feasible between keeping up the yards & housekeeping. So many on this forum have family, friends, neighbors to rely on in troubled times. I do not. So, I have to start looking for an alternative.... looks both expensive & uncomfortable. I also wonder how many others are out there facing this kind of scenario....The bright side is I can still drink my coffee in the early morning & enjoy the birds & trees & sunlight around me. Sometimes you just can't get better than that !

[JoanE]

Excel, there are less expensive alternatives. I am on my way to FL to help my exDH find a solution to his living arrangement. He certainly could not afford what you mentioned. There are very nice alternatives in Sarasota for far less.