Too Depressed to RV???

[bikerchic777]

I agree that isolation is the biggest factor for me. Whenever I start to feel that anxiety creeping in, I get out and walk around and talk to people. I always feel better after my walk I am so torn about having someone to travel with. I have learned to appreciate my "alone time", but I do like having someone to share experiences with. I also agree that, even though I can fix or solve most problems myself, having someone there for moral support is nice. I wasn't aware of Dawn's situation, but it does sound like a good one I have asked my friend, Ken, if he would do that, but he is so set in his ways and going to AZ in the winter/MI in the summer. He actually sounds like he may be interested in traveling to AK with me, though. Time will tell. I know women who have met men who also RV, who they have married or now share an RV with. The single men that I've met RVing are usually a bit older than me. As time goes on, that age gap is closing I just have to be patient. As I've said before, men who don't RV don't get what we're doing.

The women on this forum have been an inspiration to me They are also a great support group. I have received some great advice and helpful information (including pictures) of how to repair things. I feel a sense of companionship when I'm lonely, by logging onto the forum. I just love what we all have together here

[Dawn309]

Linda, I believe I have the best of all worlds. I have my alone time because my brother and I travel in our own rigs, but I also have someone to share things with.

[JoanE]

This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me. I guess I have the "situational depression/anxiety" since my heart surgery. It is rather sneaky as I can be absolutely fine and then something suddenly triggers the depression or I realize I am very anxious but do not know what I am worried about. I feel good physically but my memory is still not quite up to par and that concerns me.

Pre-surgery I had no qualms about traveling alone in my RV. When I was lonely, I took Maggie for a walk, smiled at other campers and chatted with various people. Like Judy, I really like a lot of solitude but there are those times when a friendly face/voice feels good. Now, post-surgery, as I prepare to take off again in May, I am having some trepidation. I know I can and will do it, but I feel more vulnerable now. Other heart surgery survivors have told me that it will take up to a year for me to feel "normal". I can't wait a year. I'll go ahead with slightly abnormal.

I was brought up with the mantra, "Be independent. You cannot depend on a man to take care of you." So I learned to be self reliant. I am proud of my daughters who are both courageous, independent women. Those who met Mandy at Hillsborough may remember that she hiked the entire Appalachian Trail right after college.

I have faced imagined and real obstacles in my life and career. I've been shaking in my boots scared but made myself tackle them. Some experiences surprised me because after the fact, I realized they were the "imagined" obstacles. If I succeeded with the real obstacles, it gave me a wonderful feeling of accomplishment and pride. If I screwed it up, I chalked it up to a lesson learned. We cannot be too hard on ourselves if we do not do something perfectly. Anyway, we will have funnier stories to tell about the situations gone awry. The gals on this forum are a constant inspiration to me. I admire your willingness to share life's ups and downs; to celebrate the great times; commiserate over life's problems and keep pushing down on that gas pedal. Many of us were on the forefront of the women's movement. We helped pave the way for the equality that younger women enjoy today. Too depressed to RV? I don't think so. Out of our way!

[Aokay]

Being very new to RVing....just six weeks...I am still trying to figure out why I took this plunge. It just happened one day out of the blue. I believe I was motivated by the fact that one of my daughters, who lives in Oregon, wants me to come spend time there with her but unfortunately I am not a good guest in someone else's home...even my own daughters' homes. I, like several of you, like my solitude and become anxious when someone else is planning my day for me, what time I eat, what I eat, where I go, what I watch on TV, when I go to bed, etc........it makes me very anxious and I start counting the days until I can return to my own cave. Eek...maybe I am a control freak! Whatever...I just got the bright idea one day to live in an RV by myself and have the control of coming and going when I feel like it. This way I can spend more time with my five adult children but yet have my home on wheels to escape to. Otherwise, 3 days is my limit of staying in their homes.

I have to admit, my first couple of weeks made me feel a little depressed because I felt my "aloneness" more than ever before mainly because none of my friends are RVers and cannot understand my "not midlife but oldlife crisis". They all seem to be content with their garden and book clubs. Then there is the obvious fact that the majority of RVers are coupled. You cannot escape that fact and that makes me realize I am in this on my own. BUT...I am finding each day becomes more and more comfortable and I love my new lifestyle......and where it scared me a little at first, I am now not fearful at all. Malia said something to me that has stuck. She said, "You don't have to be fearless but you can fear LESS" and that is the thought I operate on each day. I, too, was brought up to be independent and was the "handyman" in my marriage so I can usually figure out the mechanics of the RV so that does not scare me. The biggest challenge is probably going to be the "aloneness" in my travels as I do think sharing experiences with others makes everything more enjoyable.

Tonight, I felt a little of that aloneness so I poured me a plastic glass of wine and ventured out into the RV park. I saw a couple on their computer at a picnic table outside their rented rig. I thought...what the heck...I'm going to socialize with them. I wasn't exactly fearless but I decided to fear LESS and just do it. I figured I will be able to sense if they are receptive or not and if not...I will be on my merry way and back to my "lonely" RV.

Well, two hours later I returned to my cave feeling so exhilarated. The couple I approached was only in this park for one night. They were from Zurich, Switzerland and had decided to rent an RV and travel troughout TX. They were so happy to visit with me, saying they really had not met many people in the RV parks to talk with. By the time I left, we had talked about politics, the new Pope, Texan culture, Swiss culture, wine, RVing, etc. I realized they wanted to meet people here in TX and were happy I came along. We exchanged email addresses and they said I had a place to stay in Switzerland if I ever came there. Now tell me people are not planted in your path for a reason.

Depression can usually be kicked in the butt. It takes effort but when we realize what a huge world there is out there for the taking, we should be able to switch gears and do something different if we are not happy doing what we are presently doing. We have so many options available if we are brave enough to take them. I took another brave step tonight.

Thanks all for sharing your experiences. I don't often post but love reading others' posts.

[JudyJB]

It's funny but when you go somewhere to visit some you know, everyone assumes you can't wait to stay with them in a real house. Frankly, like you, I feel a lot more comfortable in my own RV and miss it when they insist I stay with them so we can do more visiting.

There are a lot of Europeans visiting so we really do need to say hello more often.

Glad you had such a nice visit with them

[Redetotry]

This thread has been so good for me. I really want to go and do so many things but I don't because of all the scary 'what-ifs'. I've come a long way but it is still a constant struggle to overcome fear. My mother used illness as a way to make us obey, as in don't do that or you'll get sick. Or don't touch that dog, you'll get rabies and have to get 21 shots in your stomach. It took a very long time for me to get over my fear of dogs and I'll still react with a little scream at times to a sudden advance by even the smallest unfamiliar dog.

Some of the things different ones have said that really hit home with me are:
Aokay " I felt my "aloneness" more than ever before mainly because none of my friends are RVers and cannot understand my "not midlife but oldlife crisis". They all seem to be content with their garden and book clubs. Then there is the obvious fact that the majority of RVers are coupled.... We have so many options available if we are brave enough to take them."

This is so true, most of my friends either think I am nuts or wish they had the nerve or the means to try. I named my RV Elsie sort of the longer version of LC for late life crisis!

Malia ... "You don't have to be fearless but you can fear LESS" and that is the thought I operate on each day."

I'm going to paste this saying on my windshield!!

Red said... At the same time she taught sexism. I would complain, "why doesn't my brother have to learn how to do with the laundry (or dishes or cook)?" She would say, "because he'll have a wife to do it for him." Or "why do I have to learn to type and he doesn't?" You guessed it. He'll have a secretary!

Well times have certainly changed on most of those ideas haven't they Red, most men have to be their own secretary, most young women don't cook and if they know how to do laundry expect their husbands to do their own! I guess my home was unusual for the times my mother was ill and my brothers learned out of necessity how to iron and clean house. Cooking was another matter for my older brother but I would trade cooking something for him if he would iron for me. Our younger brother would catch a fish or shoot a bird and cook it out in the fields where he spent most of his time along with his dog from a very early age of around 6 or 8.

We are all so blessed to have the companionship of such a great group of understanding RVing sisters.

[BarbaraRose]

Very interesting thread! I love the saying "feel the fear and do it anyway!".

I was brought up believing that men controlled everything including women. My dad never liked change and always encouraged the status quo and not taking any risks in life. My brothers are like that too. I was the black sheep of the family. I have always been one to try new things, do things on my own, by myself, and my family always thought (and still thinks) I was a little crazy. My dad even threatened to disown me when I decided to move to Denver, CO. I did it anyways. He did manage to talk me out of a lot of things I wanted to do in my earlier years but I finally decided to just do things anyways and let him have his hissy fit about it. He eventually gets over it.

People have commented on how brave and independant I am for moving across the country by myself (twice to CA and once to CO) and to me that wasn't as scary as other more normal things I've done (like dating! ). I guess I kind of thrive on the excitement of something new and different (very unlike my family members).

I have always had mild depression and am on an anti-depressant for that. Sometimes it gets worse from situational things going on, but I do what I can to deal with it (like this past December/January) and get back on my feet again.

Also, with being single my whole life, I have gotten good at fixing things, building things, figuring things out on my own. My family thought I was crazy for asking for a tool kit and drill for Christmas one year. I use them all the time. I just installed a grab bar in my dad's bathroom the other day and my brother was amazed at "how good a job" I did on it. Tough job! Four screws, a drill and a screwdriver needed! Whew!

I am kind of a loner in a way but also can be very friendly and social at times (my job as a hair stylist is good for that). I think RVing is a good choice for me since I can't seem to stay in one place for very long and need a change of scenery and activity after awhile.

I also envy and am awed by the women on here for going after this lifestyle. Someday I will be doing it too. For now, I live vicariously thru you all and and am learning a lot along the way!

[Nasoosie]

So good to hear from you, Barbie, and hear that your dad is, for now at least, back at home and trying to function. It's also good to hear that your brothers have decided to help with care an mail and what-all.

You are so right about old-fashioned ideas about women being rather useless at whatever they might do. You are to be congratulated for following your dreams, regardless of what your family thought of you. I have a feeling that most of us women on here have done exactly the same thing. I can't wait until you are old enough to retire, or perhaps work part-time as you travel around in whatever RV you will choose some day! I can't wait to meet up with you!

I was lucky in that my parents both, but especially my father, encouraged me to do whatever I felt I wanted to do in life. When I showed an interest in art, he made sure I had paints, pastels, an easel, and lots more. I entered art contests, and won more often than not. When I decided that music was for me, he bought me lessons for violin and guitar, music books, took me to concerts, etc. When biology was my forte, he bought me a microscope, slides, and all that goes with it. When I wanted to be an astronomer, both he and my mom allowed me to paint my bedroom ceiling flat black so I could use the lens from the movie projector to shine constellations I made from punch cards to project onto the ceiling and charge kids money to come to my "planetarium"! I had a huge insect collection, raised myriads of pets, camped as often as the weather would allow, pursued every whim that entered my brain for years while living under their roofs. As a result, I have been lucky enough to have tried most everything I have ever wished to try. They gave me confidence and provided some ground-work to allow me to go forth. I miss them both so very much today, and I hope they would be proud of me were they still alive.

And you did all that without all that help! See how you are!

[cloudpattern]

You all make me proud. You're smart enough to look at the past to try to gain understanding. And wise enough to let it go and move forward.

[bikerchic777]

Dawn...That does sound like the ideal situation! It would be nice to have your own space and someone to share the experiences with.
Aokay....I feel the same way about visiting and having my own digs. At first, my mom would keep offering her guest room when I got there. I would ask her why, when I have my own bed? She finally understood and quit asking. I do use the guest room if I go without Myrtle (my motor home). I do use her shower and kitchen. I have done the same when I have visited others. As for your visit with the Swiss couple...That is what I have learned to do when I feel lonely or depressed. It works for me I meet the coolest people that way To me, that is what RVing is all about!
Barbie...I keep hoping you can RV sooner than later. You are so cut out to do this!

[MaliasMiles]

I almost forgot about this post I started, but it was nice to catch up with it again and see all the great thought provoking discussion and experiences with the same issues.

I had to smile when I read my original post, because I'm as far from depressed as I can be at this point. Funny how travel and new experiences in breathtaking places does that for me!

Being so busy now, I haven't been great about keeping up with this forum, but for anyone that wants to know about where I am now and what I'm doing, here are blog posts I've done so far about the amazing state of TN: http://www.maliasmiles.com/blog/category/tennessee-trip-great-smokies/

It would be so great to meet any of you in the area!

Malia

[Nasoosie]

Glad to see this happy post, Malia! It is amazing what a little fun on the roads and in the parks can do for a person's frame of mind, eh??

[BarbaraRose]

Here is a poem I have had with me for many years that I keep close at hand. It has really motivated me when I most needed it!

FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS

If while pursuing distant dreams, your bright hopes turn to gray,
Don't wait for reassuring words or hands to lead the way.

For seldom will you find a soul with dreams the same as yours.
Not often will another help you pass through untried doors.

If inner forces urge you to take a course unknown,
Be ready to go all the way, yes, all the way alone.

That's not to say your shouldn't draw lessons from the best.
Just don't depend on lauding words to spur you on your quest.

Find confidence within your heart and let it be your guide.
Strive ever harder toward your dreams and they won't be denied.

-Bruce B Wilmer

[MaliasMiles]

Thanks, Nasoosie - it's great to be feeling so happy! I wish I could maintain such a positive attitude no matter what, but there's something about beautiful scenery and being among nature at its finest that banishes the blues like nothing else can!

Barbara, I absolutely love that poem! I know it would be appreciated by my Facebook friends, so I'm going to post it there with credit to the author. Thanks for sharing!

[mizdeb]

Malia you could not have brought this thread to the top at a better time. I am getting close to departure day on a 3700 mile trip and have been getting panicky about traveling that far alone. After reading every post I feel a little less so and will use "You don't have to be fearless, you just have to fear LESS as my mantra while traveling.

Many of the ladies in my grief support group have said that I am an inspiration to them for what I have done and how far I have come since Les passed away 13 months ago, but like Dawn and Chuck we had that time to plan what I would do when I was alone and I feel I can't, nor do I want to do anything different than I am. I wish I had left 6 months ago but know that I am psychologically more balanced than I was when I first sold my house and really did need this time to settle a bit. I have always been miss fixit and like Dawn have been doing all the set up and tear down for the past 5 years along with pulling the trailer and even though I have to remind myself often now I know "I CAN DO THIS!".

I to need to tell myself to get out of the trailer and meet people as I travel. Will really need to make myself do this or depression will creep in quickly. Living in a basement apartment I call it cave dwelling and am known to stay inside from Fri to Mon except to take Duncan out.

Thank you all for your insight and the indirect counseling you have provided not just with this thread but with everything you post.

Deb