Anybody Dealt With This Problem?

[monik7]

Yesterday my daughter, with whom times have been a struggle over the last few years, told me she would not allow my 3 grandchildren, ages 6, 8 1/2, and 10 1/2, to ride in my RV with me because she's not comfortable with the safety. She let them go with me last year. I'm a safe driver with no accidents or tickets. I would normally plan to take one at a time and they would be seatbelted. When I got my RV last year, I was looking forward to taking them individually on trips during the summer and school breaks. Well, that dream is no more. I know there's nothing I can do about it, but I'm so hurt by her decision. I don't know why she feels RVs are not safe. I would think an RV would be safer for them than a small car close to the ground. Any words of wisdom for me? I'll try to read them in between the tears.
Sandi

[JudyJB]

Sorry to hear that. Maybe she will relent when she sees you have some safe miles behind you.

My daughter-in-law and son live north of San Francisco, and it was not too long ago when she would not let me take the kids to either of the two zoos near there because of the traffic on the roads around the Bay area. Last summer she did let them ride with me in the motorhome when my son was with me. We went camping on two separate trips that she could not come along. Kids were belted in and son sat in front passenger's seat.

From a parent's perspective, I can see how some parents are overly protective. But kids will miss out of a great experience. And just because she feels that way now, don't assume she will always feel that way.

Would she drop them off at some campground so they could camp with you for a few days that way?

[OregonLuvr]

Sandi, your RV has something most do not. Winnebago/Itasca has a steel frame around the front and sides of the RV. Makes it a much safer place to be as opposed to other parts of the RV. I don't know if this will help much but I was comforted by this information. She just might be looking for an excuse...silly girl. Camping is a wonderful experience for kids. I have very fond memories of camping with my parents in our truck camper. It is a shame she feels that way. I am not sure you can change her mind. Sometimes we just have to accept our children as they are. I know this from experience also.

karen

[WickedLady]

Maybe that is just an excuse and there is really another reason. Have you had a tiff? Does she feel left out when you take the kids? Do the kids act differently when they get home after a trip? Like maybe preferring to be with you?
Just my thoughts.

[Bethers]

Oh, Sandi, I'm so sorry for this and your pain. I can't help but think there must be something else going on here also. Either that or she has a really misconceived idea about motorhomes and their safety. Big hugs to you.

[Redwahine]

I've been in your shoes. We know we would protect our kids, grand kids with our life....like a momma grizzly bear. And our kids have that same instinct. But there might be more than that going on. We can only guess. When I had a 44' sailboat, my X tried to get a court order to keep me from taking my own son out sailing. Judge threw it out. My son knew how to swim. I have a life guard certification. I was a master sailor. We took him and some of his friends to Catalina Island for the weekend. Those boys didn't stop talking about how much fun they had for the whole school year....totally over shadowing the fun things my x did with them. So, it could be jealousy. My middle daughter let her kids fly down here to TX last summer and my daughter admitted she was jealous because she knew they would have so much fun doing stuff with me while she had to stay home and work. My older son won't let the kids out of his sight, and that is too bad because I think they are missing out on such wonderful fun and life expanding experiences. Whatever the reason, I just continue to be loving and supportive and hope he'll change his mind.

The important part is spending time with and keeping a great relationship with the grandkids. That might mean parking as close to their house as possible and just having day outings for now. Things usually work out with time. You'll see.

[CricketSail]

It sounds as if so many of us have this problem. I have thought that some of it is the hyper busy lives my kids have, all their activities plus they work. I think they can get possessive since they have less time with their kids, and it hurts them when they see the grandchildren having a terrific experience that they don't get to enjoy and share because they are working or busy. I hope I can get some of this sorted out before I get my RV this year, but I've been dealing with it for a long time. Sounds crazy, but a few years ago I just started making a doll house that had issues I needed to work out with my kids represented in the rooms and characters I had in the house. (It was better than pushing it with my kids at that time.) Funny thing is that doll house got entered in some art shows and most people identified with it without me really explaining it. They even brought in a busload of school children to see it, and they got it too.
I've decided that a plus in getting the RV is it will make it easier to visit the kids and grandchildren in their territory without being intrusive since I'll have brought my own home with me. I don't know if I'll get to take the grandchildren far, but we could spend some wonderful time in the RV just imagining our adventures.

[MelissaD]

Unfortunately its more common then it should be. Memorial day weekend at the campground a mother and daughter got into it over raising the granddaughter and grandma spoiling her too much. Next thing I saw was grandpa packing up the 5'r and them pulling out. Indiana has grandparents rights. You can actually sue your child for visitation rights. Yep, it's a pretty sad statement. In a round about way that is how we ended up raising this grandchild. That's a story for another day.

I have not seen my youngest daughter in 2 years. My oldest, its been a year. My grandchild (age 4) is my youngest daughter's child, my oldest daughter brought the grandchild to see me a year ago. They are busy. Single mom raising a child working as a CNA and the oldest one is a manager at a major retailer and trying to get her own store. When I told them I was coming, I was told I picked the busiest time of the year. I told her I did not get to pick when shutdown was and she could just stop on her way home from work, So, since I'm off for 3 weeks this year I'm taking my camper to the nearest campground and putting myself in their path so to say. Great grandma and great grandpa have also told them they will be there for the 4th. Removing the excuses is what I call it.

Hang in there. I think in many ways it product of the times with families spread out and the current economic situation. Try talking to your daughter, I'll bet there is more to it than the safety of your RV.

[mtngal]

Aww Sandi, sorry to read this! I know you were counting on fun trips with G kids! ((((Hugs)))))

[chalet05]

Sandie, I was sorry to read this yesterday and it wasn't until I read responses this morning that the light dawned that I did have some experience with this.

In 2008, when I visited older DD in Kansas for the first time since their move there 2 years earlier, my 2 older grandkids spent a lot of time in the 5er with me parked at a State Park. I don't remember 2009, but in 2010, I was told they weren't interested in camping with me in the truck camper. However, on the first day I was there, we were all on our way home from an outing in their vehicle when my GS told his mother she could just drop him off with me!! So, for whatever reason, she decided they would not be staying with me. 2011, they stayed with me.

I know she got miffed at me in 2007 over something she 'heard' I said. I am happy to say she seems to have finally gotten over it.

The past 2 years I have offered to fly the grandkids to visit, but only my GS is interested at this point. Last year he flew to Arizona. He will be flying to Seattle in July and we will have 11 days together before we meet his mom and sisters.

So, don't give up and as others have said, there is probably something else going on.

Hugs!!

[BirdbyBird]

I have been told by both my children not to expect grandchildren. (and for sure, I want no part of their decisions either way! ) Now granted they are in their early thirties so their plans may change (or life could put them on another path. ) but so far I don't have to plan trips around grands at all....

I get to plan trips around all those places I never got to see while I was busy raising a family and working. I get to travel to visit friends, a few relatives, and where ever the dogs and I think we can find adventures.....and adventures can be found most anywhere if one is looking!

[havingfunnow]

I sometimes think that young parents are just scared to death of the world. I can understand being overprotective; I really had to guard against my own tendencies to do that. This generation seems to have taken it to a whole new level. If that's going on here, some facts might help -- solid data on how safe RVs are as driving vehicles and living vehicles, how seldom violence erupts in campgrounds, and so on.

The hurt feelings thing is harder. I can remember feeling 'left out' when my parents and my son were off on an adventure while I had to stay home and work. Long term, it might help to have the kids do things to make their mother feel included even when she's not physically present -- phone calls, photos sent immediately via text messaging, that sort of thing.

And patience. I sometimes think we grow into parenting the way we grow into everything else. Your daughter might be ready for this next year. Maybe you could take some smaller steps this year, like having the kids dropped off at the campground for a day or parking in their driveway for an overnight.

[Olive600]

Sandi, I posted a reply yesterday, but it's not here that I can see. I am so sorry for your pain and disappointment. I hope we meet on the road somewhere. I'll be coming through CA on my first big trip. Maybe someday you'll be in the San Antonio area.

Nikki