Birthday Shock

[MsBHaven]

I am still in shock. Last night my DH took me out to dinner for my birthday - just another typical birthday for me.

I can't even remember what we were talking about but I think it had to do with the economy, lack of money, rising bills, getting older, etc. etc. The next thing I know he is tellilng me that he has been thinking about this for a long time, although he hasn't been talking to me about it.

For those of you who don't know my history, to make it short. We had a Class A for 6 years and went camping, 2-week vacations, and two 3-week trips out west and then DH said he was done traveling and wanted to sell the motorhome because he "had seen everything". I, on the other hand, still wanted to travel so we sold the Class A and bought Ms"B"Haven and I take off it in whenever possible for short trips, rallies, to Wyoming from TN, etc. I love it.

Well, now all of a sudden DH is telling me that he has made up his mind and he is absolutely sure that he wants to sell our house (which we just bought about 3 years ago and totally remodeled and put in an in-ground pool) and buy a slightly used Diesel Pusher and full-time for at least 5 years. I WENT INTO SHOCK OR SOMETHING CLOSE TO IT. I think I'm still in shock.

So, when I read Becky's post about being retired now and wanting to move to a better climate and having to get rid of everything I realized I might be facing the same situation! Thent here is Carolyn who is also facing the same thing soon - - and we all live close to each other in TN. It must be something in the water that is making us all crazy!

I'm joking about being in shock - but when I got home last night I accidentally took 3 prescription sleeping pills instead of 3 other pills I must take....so maybe I was in shock. I really was sleeping all day at work.

Anyway, I ramble. Back to my story. So now what do I do. I am not even talking much about this because I can't think straight today because of those sleeping pills. I have been checking out the prices of diesel pushers. DH was ready to have a realtor come over today to give us a selling price suggestion - but I told him to wait until I at least did the laundry, ah ha.

I can easily get rid of the majority of my "stuff" - I've been wanting to do that anyway. My biggest concern is giving up Ms"B"Haven and "my" freedom that I have been loving.

Oh my, I gotta end this post because he is now telling me about the cost of good Prevost. I think he is really serious about this.

[Bethers]

Oh, Margie, what a mixed blessing this sounds like. I know you'd love to go back traveling full-time with your ex. And I know that you want your freedom also with MsB'haven - so work out what is best for you. You never know - you might end up with another MsBHaven down the road - but maybe for several years you and DH will get to travel together.

I agree though - make sure DH is sure this is what he wants - after he didn't want it such a short time ago. Things do come around, don't they?

[Sparkle]

Oh Margie! Is this is a case of "be careful what you wish for?" I'd be careful. DH sounds as if he's kinda bouncing all over the place. what if after selling (in a bad market) getting rid of your possesions, after a short while he changes his mind again? Did he really enjoy it when you had the Class A. Could you live in that confined space 24/7?
I do wish you well, and hope that everything works out how you want it. But I would have long conversations with DH about why he wants to do this. Is he retired? Or if working, having temporary problems? Or does he see this way of life as being more economical? Wow, no wonder you are in shock. Now tonight, look at those pills you are taking!

[avalen]

oh my goodness
I too see a mixed blessing, you have alot to think about, so get to thinkin
you could come and be my neighbor for the winters

[Mollysmom]

Wow !!!!
I bet you are in shock !!!
Maybe he can get a little class C and you two can caravan ? HA !!
You two have allot to talk about - keep up posted !!! Good luck.

[Gentleladybear]

Think this is the time to tell DH to sit down, breath in, breath out, relax and think this all through. Good time to buy, but a bad time to sell. Be sure that this is where he wants to go. How long has he been thinking about this before bringing it up to you? Is this something he has been privately thinking about?

When you are finishing talking then you can sit down and breath in, breath out, relax and decide what you think about it all.

[oliveoil]

Best wishes----------
Oh--- ---- totally remodeled home------& putting it on the market at this time--- ---Oh--------
People say it is "just stuff"---- ---- "just real estate"---- --- But we had never ever lost $300,000.00 in a two week period with two auctions------before ever in our lives--------------------
Hubby thought he wanted to travel in our 5th wheel & truck before we bought a retirement home & travel several years-----I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad we didn't decide to do that------we sold our 5th wheel with the truck at auction with everything else--------
I'm very very very glad we are NOT on the road full time/ with the economy as it is at this time!!!!!!
But that is just us---we have traveled all over the USA------but we decided we didn't want to full time------Good luck selling your real estate at this time!!!!!!!!
I'm glad we are sized down but I didn't realize the economy was going to bottom out when we did-- & us loose more money then we have saved at this point in our lives!!!!
It maybe "just stuff"----------but that stuff was "our investments" in out future!!!!!!!
I do miss so many things I got rid of----------sorry I sold them!!!!!!!
Best wishes-------- very very hard decisions at this time with the economy the way it is!!!!!!!

[dcricket]

OH WOW...quite a shocker. Think if my DH dropped that on me I'd have to stop for a good long pause and discuss all options and mainly try to determine why the sudden change. I'm kind of a doubting thomas at times and would be worried about the sudden change and whether or not I'd be regretting the decision in 2 or 3 years. I like my stuff and agree this time in the economy is great for buyers, but sellers beware. BUT, I'm sure after some comfortable discussion/debate you'll both make a decision that'll be juuuuuuuuuust right. Good luck

[Acadianmom]

I like Trudy's suggestion, that's the only way my DH and I could travel together. Either that or a class A with in-motion satellite and a recliner to strap him to.

Good Luck!

Martha

[Cedar518]

I have a lot of thoughts about this, but my first one is GOOD! You are lucky that you have a husband that cares about you and wants to travel with you. Go have fun.

[retiredhappy]

Wow Margie. I can tell you're a little concerned about the sudden change of mind. This is the worst time to sell. Have you thought of renting your house and putting your stuff in storage for a year? Give the real estate market time to recover some and see if DH REALLY wants to fulltime. I would imagine its really hard to be with someone in such a small space 24/7. I know I couldn't do it. Don't let him bulldoze you into something you're not sure about. Hugs to you.

[BirdbyBird]

What a birthday surprise! At least you have traveled in a class A with DH for several weeks at a time so you have some experiences to fall back on when discussing the possibilities, the issues and the concerns. As several sisters mentioned: There was a reason I bought a small MH. I could not even imagine traveling for several weeks at a time with my DH. I will take my dogs. I also know that driving a larger MH would be more limiting than the your MsBHaven or my small C.
Every situation is unique and has a solution that will work, When the "pill" fog lifts, may you be able to discuss good stuff and come up with what works for the two of you.

Tina

[sunshinecruiserTN]

I know this is a shock right now. Have him write a pros and cons list as to why he wants to do this now. Guys usually don't like doing this detail so maybe you all could do it together and talk about what it was like before, like and dislikes again. Maybe it's just a winter thing and he wants to go to that warmer climate too. What about the kids & grandkids? Does that impact him?

I know you can't but what about towing Ms "B" Haven...tee hee. She would be great for those adventures once you are parked in an A! Gosh a Prevost??? He wants to make sure he has his recliner and remote, right? You and Roger will make the decision that is right for you right now! We just don't know what the future brings! Oh, does he like your Roadside America adventures? I know you always enjoy those wherever you go.

[AlmostThere]

JMHO
The A was sold because he didn't care for RVing, but you still wanted to and showed your independence with getting your B and are doing it without him. Perhaps he feels like that's put some sort of separation into your marriage and he's trying to figure out how to keep you happy and still be with you as much as possible.

[MsBHaven]

Thanks for your comments and suggestions. I kept thinking that DH would tell me he changed his mind, but he wanted to talk about it again last night and again this morning. By the way, the Prevost idea has been tossed away - they aren't as cheap as he had been told. We do realize the housing market is down but that makes RV prices down also.

My biggest concern has been the change in his mind about traveling. He says that he never felt comfortable being gone for long and leaving the house behind. He is a guy who always wants to be sure things are taken care of. He always worried about our house when we were out on the road before. For instance, on our last big trip our pool turned black (we were pool newbies then). I always have the luxury of not worrying about the house when I drive off in Ms"B"Haven because he is home taking care of it. So I guess I understand that. He has also been concerned about leaving his mother as she has health problems. His sister has now retired so he will feel more comfortable being gone for a long period of time. He also knows we both have health problems that are shortening our potential life spans. He believes if we find the right motorhome, he can feel "at home" (i.e. a good TV, recliner, and remote) completely, knowing there isn't another "home" that needs taking care of in another place.

And as Olive Oil mentioned, the economy is the pits. We have watched our stocks and 401k funds nearly disappear - we probably won't live long enough to recoup those losses. But, I think that is another motivator for this move. Who would have thought our economy could get this bad - it just shows you that the unexpected can happen at any time. I think we both want to be sure we aren't missing an opportunity to have a new lifestyle before our health stops us. I'm tired of taking care of a 4 bedroom 3 bath house and I think he is tired of the upkeep of it too. Plus our TN weather is not enjoyable in the winter.

I will hate to give up Ms"B"Haven, but in reality I don't feel that I get to go away as often as I want because of leaving DH home and still working a part-time job. Health-wise I am ready to give up the job so downsizing to an RV will allow me to do that. I always feel that I am rushing to get back home and back to work. The full-time lifestyle will feel like freedom at last. I think our goal will be to stay in an area for several months at a time, rather than driving constantly. I think I will like to be able to really get to know a particular area - rather than saying, "Yep, that's the Grand Canyon all right, now let's get back on the road to the next tourist attraction."

I hate to bore you guys with all this, but co-workers can't relate to these RV / lifestyle issues like you can. I always appreciate your wisdom and honesty.


Oops, forgot to mention Trudy's comment about buying a Class C and having a caravan - - that is pretty funny, but actually not a bad idea either!