Retirement

[Liz]

Wow Lotus, you do sound overwhelmed. Slow down, breathe in, breathe out. Pray about it. Time to break that list down into manageable chunks. Maybe go through just one room and declutter. One at a time. And take time out for yourself...get out of the house and do something fun. (Just don't go shopping and buy more clutter! ) You've got a long term goal, now set some short term objectives to get there. Don't try to get to the horizon in one big leap. Show hubby the "short list," not the long one. "This is what we want to accomplish today, and this is what you can do to help me."

You are a strong and determined woman...you can do it! We are all here to support you through the process.

[Sparkle]

Soisew, your comment about things owning you reminded me of a woman I met when I was in Florida. We had a long conversation about how she would love to do what I was doing. She seemed to have a great longing to travel the USA. Then she sorrowfully said, "Oh but, I have these Camel Back Trunks. I couldn't part with them." I hope she's enjoying looking at her trunks while I travel all over the country.

[NakedPupsAndMe]

I think you hit a cord with all of us. When I read your post, I felt a sense of overwhelm. That may not be true, it could be that I am feeling so overwhelmed that I projected it onto you. My husband & I have been together for 25 years. A few years ago, I left him & a 5000 sq ft home. We were separated for 2 years. After selling that home, we got back together in my 1100 sq ft home. We downsized considerably. He retired about the time we got back together. We went from being separated, to being together 24/7. Retirement has been a huge change for him, to which he has not adjusted well IMO. Plus, I think I'm beginning "the change" so some days I am just a nut case. Needless to say, it's not going well! I have gained 50 lbs & he has so many unfinished projects I can't count them all.
I know another major life change is in the future. Not sure what that will be yet, but the thoughts of going thru another upheaval is very overwhelming. I'm getting a lot of strength & good ideas from reading the posters on this thread. I do know, I have to take it one day at a time. If I start setting small goals for myself then I can take action. Once I start taking action, I'll feel better. It's when I'm sitting around looking at the whole problem, I get scared. A friend of mine referred to it as paralysis thru analysis. That's where I am right now. Thank you for posting this topic. Hopefully, I will get motivated to starting taking some steps myself.
I do wish you strength & courage to face what lies ahead, let's try to take it one step at a time & see what happens.

[retiredhappy]

Not much I can add to all the great advise. When I decided to go fulltime I picked out a few pieces of my Indian pottery to take with me and I found I didn't need so MANY thing to enjoy. As said before, pick one room at a time. I called my women's shelter to see what they could use and they said everything. When a woman (and her children) leave its often with only the clothes on her back. When they get their own place they need EVERYTHING - furniture, kitchen items, clothes,, etc. Gave all the family albums to my daughter - told her it was her turn to be the caretaker. I decided to turn my house over to a realtor to rent and I've been happy with that decision so far. My rentors are staying another year soooooo at the end of that year I'll decide if I want to keep the house or sell. I've been lucky enough that the rent pays the mortgage, my storage unit, house insurance, property taxes and the realtor's fee. For me, I'm glad not to have all that stuff to take care of and clean. Before I went fulltime I put as many of my bills on autopay as I could (if they were the same amount every month). I went "paperless" on as many accounts as I could. They send me an online statement which I can keep a copy of on my computer or just delete. I started paying everything on line. I LOVE not getting stacks of paper in the mail. What in the world did we do before computers.

Just hang in there and take one day at a time. Have a good cry if you need to and lean on all of us here on the forum.

[oliveoil]

Oh---------- Wow-----------
Well this is so fresh to us--------we still have the salt in our wounds!!!

Where do I start--------
I guess with in Aug of this past year--------we decided we needed to get serious about where we were going to retire in 5 to 7 years!!!!!!
We lived in Kansas at the time & we had checked for about 10 years of places we thought we might want to retire----to try to make a really really long story shorter-------we had owned a condo & property in Branson, Mo. for over 30 years------& decided we wanted to retire in Branson-----well in Aug we went to Branson to stay at our condo & decide if we still thought Branson was where we wanted to retire to in several years------
Well we made appointments with a real estate broker to look at properties while we were there------to make a long story short-she never showed up for the showings & never returned our calls-so we started looking on our own----
On the resort that we owned a condo---& camping-etc.etc----a gated community-- we were told of a house about to go on the market as the owner had found out he had cancer & wanted to move back to Tulsa to his doctors-------well we went & looked at the house & likes it & it's location------& prayed about it & gave them an offer------which they accepted!
We went home to Kansas--------& prayed for direction--------
To make a really long story shorter--------we decided to retire early because we both have health issues!
But we owned a three story house & several acres of land & livestock & equipment-------
And we still owned two businesses & inventory------& an 11,000 sq ft warehouse full of antiques & inventory from all of our antique shops we owned---------
Now to try to make this not a book---------
We sold our businesses------& decided to have TWO MAJOR AUCTIONS & AUCTION OFF OUR HOME & LAND & EQUIPMENT
AND HAVE AN AUCTION & AUCTION OFF THE 11,000 SQ FT WAREHOUSE & ALL THE INVENTORY!!!!!
And auction off our 5th wheel & truck-------& size down from a three story 5 bedroom home -to a small house on the resort in Branson--------
Well we worked from Aug to the first of Oct when we had both auctions in one week-----------we worked at preparing for those auctions night & day for weeks------- we advertised & cleaned & sorted & sorted & packed & moved what wew were going to keep to our new home in Branson-which we got moved into a month later than we wanted to-because of the attorney we hired to close on the sale of the house in Branson---------so it put our auctions off until OCt which was later than we want to have them-but didn't want to sell everything if the sale of the house in Branson didn't go through!!!!!

Well the bottom fell out of the economy right before our auctions------- that is when the news on TV & news papers was the worst-------everything went to shit in a hand basket right before our eyes---------

What do you do-------- we had spent over $3,000.00 on advertising our auctions---------we had done all the work---- & we thought we had people interested in buying--------- the week of our auctions------- 90% of all the people who had shown interest in our properties came to us & said--------we lost thousands on our 401K's this week------we are no longer able to buy-------

It was the most stressful time of our lives--------- what do you do the bottom has fallen out of everything------you have made the most stressful decisions of what to keep & what to sell--------We prayed about it & felt God told us to move forward ------that HE would provide!!!!!!!

Well this is becoming a book---------BUT------we lost over $150 thousand dollars on real estate alone------& felt blessed we even had a buyer!!!!!!! We lost hundreds of thousands of dollars on real estate & personal property-------
watching our cherished antiques & family things sell at auction killed us------as no one had money or they were afraid to buy at that time!!
We had sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much stuff to sell----------at both auctions there were three rings going at all times for over 8 hours at both auctions--------so this tells you or should tell you we didn't have just a little bit of stuff to sell-------a garage sale would not touch what we had!!!!!!!!
We gave away everything we could to family before auctions---------but still have soooooooooo much of our treasures we had collected or had been given to us that we had & cared for & enjoyed for over 50 years!!!!! And people at the auction had no respect for it----- & broke it or chipped it---or could not even get bids on it------ & good things that IF we had sold out even a year sooner------------we would not have even had to worry about money in retirement!!!!!! But the bottom fell out at the wrong time for us!!!!!!!!

It was the most stressful time of our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have always worked-------- & owned businesses & we had always made money on real estate & antiques-------but we took a blood bath in OCT of '08 in Kansas!!!!!!!!! It was horrible------we had nightmares for weeks-------We were both physically ill----from all the work-- all the stress-- & all the losses & all the change in our lives---what we had worked for & thought we would have for retirement most all of it was gone------we had always lived well above the middle income-------but it was because we worked very very very hard & God had blessed us for our hard work!!!!

We bought a nice home in Branson on our resort----- & we don't owe anyone anything------but our nest egg is about $300,000 short of what it should have been!!!!!!!!!!

Hubby & I are sooooooooooooooooooooooooo glad it is all over with & done------as we both said about a million times we never ever ever could have done all of that with out doing it as a team!!!!!!!!!!

We knew we had to size down--------we knew we wanted to move to Branson-------now that it is all over-- it is like a million pounds have been lifted off of us! And even through we sold out at a really bad time-------it is over with & it is done-----it was really hard to have worked so hard for so many years to loose so much money at once & at our retirement time-when it can't be made back!!!!!!! But God is taking care of us & we feel like we are where we are suppose to be!!!!!!

BUT IT WAS HELL GETTING HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is not easy if you have lots of stuff & have been a care giver of lots of stuff for years-----to see that stuff given away & know it is not going to be respected or taken care of like you loved & cared for it!!!!!!!!
I was an antique dealer-------& for over 45 years I collected stuff & made my living that way-------it was my way of life!!!!!

My daughter took all the things she had room for---- the rest was sold at auction------- & to see my grandmother's dishes being throw around with no respect---& chipped & broken after years of love & care----- & then hear some one say-------wow I stole those------it was hard for me to take!!!!!!!

I have always had nice things-------even when I didn't have a lot of money!!!!!!! As I knew how to find nice things & not have to pay a fortune for them------& I cherished them & took care of them & always had my home decorated very well-----
it was very very very hard to see some one who you knew had no respect for things to steal them or throw them around & break & chip them!!!!!!!!!

At Christmas this year-------- I was thrilled that I had kept a box of old cherished Christmas decorations!!!!!!

We are paying for three storage units------as we went from an 11,000 sq ft warehouse full & a three story house full-----down to 1/100 of the size of what we had!!!!! And I'm sooooooooooooooooo glad we did keep what we did-----some things like paper work from all of our business over they years needed to be sorted through-( and didn't have time when we moved) ---& some of it has to be kept for 5 years for tax reasons-----so this winter I have been sorting through those boxes of paper work----& shredding & I use to write for three different news papers & I use to publish two different news papers over the years---- & I am saving some of my editorials & putting in scrap books for my grand children----------

No matter what you have to do to size down it is hard even IF you are not a collector!!!!!!!!!
But it was really really hard for me-------as for 50 years I made our living by collecting other people's stuff & resaleing it in a business!!

I also collected real estate & turned it over & made a profit------ & I started businesses & resold them-------But we took a blood bath when we sold the last time--------I no longer have night mares & I no longer talk with a a a stutter---- & we are moving on---------But don't let anyone kid you that it is an easy process sizing down-------if you have always had lots of stuff!!!!!!
But I would totally recommend that you get a good start on it--------while you & your husband are able to make those decisions together!!!!!!!!!!
BEST WISHES------
(Sorry about the book)-------- This is a subject that really rocked home with me!!!!!!!!!!!!

[sunshinecruiserTN]

Hey Bec, you are so good with words. I could ditto everything you have said and then some. Thank you for posting. I have picked up so great ideas from the ladies on where to start. I like taking one room at a time, in fact I'm gonna do that. I have a goal to put my condo on the market in Feb or nlt, March so I gotta get busy.

You and Ron have too much togetherness right now. Find something to do outside of the house and then come back w/a fresh outlook. I love you and want you to be happy especially being RETIRED!! Girl, that is what you worked for for 36 years, time to enjoy. I guess it's kind of like AA, one step at a time!

Trudy, I know this is really fresh for you and your words of wisdom come forth on the page as does others. By golly, I'm on my way home from work in a few and I'm gonna start!! Oooh, but I hate the thoughts of another yard sale! They are a lot of work, maybe I'll need a tax write off and can call the charity to come by.

Thanks for sharing, Becky. Big hugs, xxxxoooo's, bff!!

[MsBHaven]

Becky, I'm so sorry to read about the stress you are having right now. But hopefully talking about it helped somewhat. I suspect there are several of us all around the same age here that are sharing your thoughts and concerns during this period of our life. I know I have been having these constant thoughts of wanting to "downsize", but not sure what that was actually going to mean. A smaller house, a condo, a move to another state, etc. etc. The economy has really put a scare into a lot of us, like Olive Oil spoke about. It's painful losing so much money that we had worked so hard for, and then to also have to figure out the "next step" in our lives. You got a lot of good advice from Trudy and others - - specifically one room at a time to make the huge project seem smaller.

Not in all cases, but in most of what I've read, those who downsize and get rid of their "stuff" seem happy that it is gone. I'm counting on that to be true when I downsize.

Keep us all posted on your progress. Hopefully once you get started, DH will get engaged in the project with you.

[Echo]

Becky sweetie!! I honestly did post back to this last night. But danged if I know what happened to it?? I guess the ether ate it?

Hon? I was where you are. Well for the most part anyway.

Start out small, your smallest room and get rid of stuff that you know wont bother ya. Get rid of any and all paperwork you have lying around. Old clothes, shoes, towels, sheets etc. just that kind of stuff that has been hanging around and you've been meaning to get rid of. Start small and slow. It will get easier as you go along. I got got rid of things that I never ever thought I would ever get rid of. And ya know what??? I don't miss the 'stuff'. Cause that's all it is, is stuff.

Nothing is important except the living. Everything can be replaced in one way or another. Everything except loved ones. It might seem rough at first but that stuff is not worth the agony of an unhappy heart. And the sense of lightness of weightlessness of freedom is indescribably beautiful.

You can do it gal!! I got confidence in ya.

[Lotus]

Thanks to all of you for the outpouring of suggestions, understanding, and comfort. I took a break from this forum last night and today, and have not yet read each and every response. It's late and I probably will not finish until Friday a.m. Going from a "wannabe" to a "don't wannabe", this forum is still a place I want to "hang out" in. What a wonderful group of gals! More from me later.

Lotus (Becky)

[Sparkle]

Oh-oh! Alarm bells are ringing.

Going from a "wannabe" to a "don't wannabe",

Where did that come from? It wasn't in your original post. If this is something you don't want to do, then stop now. Someone has a great quotation in their sig. "Don't believe everything you think." If you thought maybe you'd like to sell everything and travel fulltime and now you've changed your mind, there is nothing wrong with that. Maybe you'd be better getting a small rig and take small trips. Whatever you decide you know you'll always be welcome here.

[BirdbyBird]

I like the AA reference. For me retiring did require some realization that I had worked for the same educational system for 30 years and had been an administrator for 13 of those years. I was a workaholic - other people just called me dedicated, but in the end I knew... I realized the politics of the situation and knew that I was spending way too many hours for a healthy balance in life. I spend some time in withdrawal. I also spent time taking care of the 90+ year old father (that was really a way out, because I didn't have to examine what I wanted to do)
I was lucky to have learned about "stuff" from several sources in my younger years. By watching other's experiences, I learned that "stuff" was "stuff" and besides if I have to dust it - I don't want it. I always had room for animals instead.
I knew that I wanted to travel and I figured that DH would really not make the best travel companion so I go by myself. I went back to work of a year to pay off a larger bill of mine and now am getting better than I ever had about evaluating my own finances. I really want to spend the cold months in a warmer climate. He has been aware of that for years but I am planning on doing that for myself with or without him.
You do feel numb off and on. For myself I missed the interaction with people I enjoyed. Because of all the hours I works, they were my social circle. Once I left work it is difficult to maintain those ties, particularly if the individuals are younger and still have their plates full of work and family. There are not enough hours in their day.

Remember to breathe,......your brain and heart work better with oxygen. One foot in front of the other and you will find your personal way along your journey. I have had depression follow me often in my life....and being intelligent people it doesn't always help that we can recognize it. Take care of your heart and mind and body. Find those things that will feed you soul and keep you going.
Working with children with disabilities for over thirty years and visiting in the health care center with the therapy dogs, I am always reminded that there are those accidents and injuries that we can never foresee. And now we get to have our own bodies and the health of our friend remind us just how mortal we are all. There are those health issues that we can do something about. Take care of the body you have, we are all temporarily here and temporarily able...

Think hard, find people to laugh and cry with, and keep breathing.

Tina and the furry ones that she "self medicates" with and help keep her sane

[Mollysmom]

Hey Sparkle,
Becky isn't downsizing to get an RV and travel - she's downsizing so she can sell and move to a warmer climate. Pretty sure she's staying with the traditional house, just in a different place

[sunshinecruiserTN]

Becky's original thought was to do RVing but then went out in one and tried it out, doesn't think it fits her. In fact she went out w/me to the TN GTG last year and while she likes it every once in a while, she knew from that trip, it wasn't for her to do full time. Any way, Bec, speak up if I didn't portray your thoughts accurately...

I think it was the gagging while dumping that got her...LOL Sorry, just had to add that!

[Lotus]

Darn it...somewhere I have a reply to all of you wonderful "sistahs" but it is somewhere in cyberspace! Let me try and recreate my thoughts again. Since my post of two nights ago, I basically stepped away and tried to clear my mind somewhat and just "feel better". Woke up earlier yesterday and today and had a very nice walk both mornings. My body and mind was craving it also as I have neglected doing something like that for so long. Thursday I went to the library and a couple of stores (didn't add to my clutter though) and when I got home Ron was in the back yard. Once he came in he went to "the list" and checked something off. He also said it does help to see it listed. That's almost a miracle. Liz said something about not showing him the long list (which I did) but rather the short list, and that was a great idea. It was too late for that! I tend to jump from one thing to another, and definitely a focus is needed on a room at a time, or even project at a time, as suggested by many of you. One of my big challenges will be my small treasures and keepsakes from my Mother. It won't be easy but will get through it. Carolyn referred to AA and a step at a time. That can basically be applied to anything we do. Suggestions about taking care of myself....mind and body. How true and that is something I'll be working on.

As usual I've rambled somewhat. All my life I've tended to keep things close to my chest until I just am about to bust. Keeping it in is not good...I do know that. Thanks to all of you for listening to me and being so open with your thoughts and suggestions. Just from this one post, I feel a bond with you gals. Thank you for that.

Trudy and Carolyn, thanks for clarifying that we're not going to RV. We plan to downsize our home and and buy a smaller home in a warm climate. As some of you mentioned, the economy will play a role in what we actually do.

Lotus (Becky)

[Lotus]

I thought of one more thing to share. My dryer is broke (again) and repairman coming next week. Since I use my utility room/pantry as kind of a catch all, thought it would be good to make a quick start in there at least clearing out the clutter, etc. On both sides of the pantry my cabinets go nearly to the ceiling leaving about 12 inches that makes great storage. On the ladder straightening up so I could place several boxes up there. Lo and behold I found a nifty chip and dip plate, a nifty acrylic tray, a Tupperware chip and dip carrier, and more trays. A light bulb goes off in my head that these belong to Carolyn or either she gave them to me...several years ago. Over the years we've had many pool parties at our house and Carolyn brought stuff out to use. Again, I couldn't remember if they were now mine or still hers. I vaguely remembered one party she just didn't want to pack it all up (too much to drink??!!) and take home and I told her I could store for her. Gave her a call today and she was so excited!! Yes, they still are hers! At different times she had looked and looked for them and couldn't find! Well, it's going to be like a birthday present when she gets them! Who knows what else I might find as I really begin this process.

Lotus (Becky)