Retirement

[Lotus]

This is to share what's up with me right now, and it's something many of you have gone thru or are going thru. I know that because you've shared also. Warning to you that it may be lengthy. I retired August 16, 2008. It was earlier than I planned; however, a nice buyout influenced my decision. Don't reqret it. First several months went rather well and it's a great feeling to not have to get up and go to work.....particularly during the winter months. In addition to retirement, it's also being with DH 24/7. So several major life changes. Oh, and also crap going on such as osteo-arthritis in my fingers, joints, etc. Continually something happening in my body. I suspect I'm not the only one who has ever had feelings such as all this!!

We want to move to a warm climate, and there's much to be done. Although I've done some sorting/cleaning, I've not really begun. Spent time today putting together a "things to do list", and my gosh once you start making a list it's mind-boggling. After 38+ years of marriage, we've accumulated a few things! I do realize that all cannot be done at once, and you just take a step at a time. Showed DH the list so that we could talk about it and do some prioritizing and planning. His response was "whew, we'll never get it all done". It was response I expected knowing him. I told him that if indeed we do move to a warmer climate, we've got to get started on the process. Talk with real estate agent about how houses are doing in the area, when to list it, etc., etc. Have a pool and obviously once pool is open would be a good time to consider...if our move is to happen this year. There are a few things that we need to do to the house PLUS declutter and get rid of crap!! Actually get rid of my "treasures". Anyway our conversation did not go how I hoped it would, but rather how I expected. Hmm, at least my expectations were met.

Then my BFF called and said haven't talked with you in awhile, etc. I told her that I just hadn't wanted to talk, and she had already figured that out. Wanted to talk then but didn't want to either because I felt a good cry coming. Didn't happen then and still hasn't. I know it will. Got comfy and then my mind started thinking about EVERYTHING, and felt so over-whelmed and couldn't even think of where on earth to start this decluttering process. Do I have a yard sale? Do I throw lots away? Do I give to Goodwill, church, etc? Then I started thinking about all the "special things" with "special memories".....how on earth will I decide and what will I do with all the "special things" that I can't keep. Those are just examples of some of what was/is going thru my mind. Logically I know that what is special to me is not special to most other people. I've felt for a long time that I want to "cleanse" and get rid of stuff. It is past time.

In addition to all of the above, I've become a slug and cannot seem to motivate myself. For the first several months I did ok. Now it's to the point of just frustration at myself because of the feelings that I have. Again, I know of things that would be good for me and that would help me....such as a physical activity. I am getting that only it's back and forth to the refrigerator. I'm happy to be retired. Loved my job but don't miss my job. Guess I miss having a purpose, interacting with people on a daily basis, and I need to work on that. My days and nights seem to be mixed up. It's nothing to stay up until 2 or 3 a.m. Go to bed, sleep late, etc.

I'm rambled, but that's me! Feel better just sharing this and don't even know if I'll cry NOW. Hey, I'm having a pity party and guess I invited all of you to it.

Lotus (Becky)

[Mollysmom]

Sorry to hear you're feeling so discombobulate !
As to your "treasures" - there were a few things I didn't think I could part with, I left 1 plastic tub of 'stuff' at my sisters. I don't even remember what's in there so I guess I don't know how important they really are.
When I cleaned out - I gave things to family members that wanted or needed them. I had a garage sale with my sister. The rest went to Goodwill. It made me really sad to let some things go, but I tried to imagine how excited someone else would be when they got the "treasure". There were things I loved and I know that the new person will love it too and will be really happy and proud to own them.
I did bring a few things with me - I found space for a few do-dads and I'm happy to have them with me.
When I started going through my place to downsize, I got a bunch of plastic tubs and marked them "take" and "go" - I did a quick sort then went through the "keep" a couple more times, downsizing each time. Once something went in the "go" bin, I didn't take it back out. The paperwork and pictures I just put in a tub and didn't look at until I had allot of the other stuff sorted. Pictures and papers took allot of my time. I did take all the old pictures I wanted and scanned them into my computer and copied them to a disk. The pictures then went to my sister (she wanted them)
If it seems overwhelming - just do one room. You'll want a room for sorting anyway, so set up a TV or stereo in that room, get your tubs, and make yourself work for 2 hours a day. Do it like you did your job. Set the alarm for 8am (or whatever time) get up, shower, and go to "work" - that's the only way I could do it. If it helps, hang up pictures of warm places in the sorting room !! Heck, if it helps, wear shorts and an "tropical" shirt !!!
Just start - that's the only way it'll get done !! That's easy for me to say, but it's true. Plan to start on Monday - shop for your tubs or boxes tomorrow, pick your room Friday, hang up motivational pictures and set up the TV on the weekend and Monday morning go to work.
Take some time to cry too - it helps
Good luck -

[avalen]

your post is one of the reasons we're here, I used to have a house, but when I was
loosing it I put everything in storage so I could sort out my feelings. I'm so glad I did.
My situation is just a tad different I know but the good thing about storage is it gives
you time to know exactly what is worth keeping and what is worth selling and what is
worthless. At one point I had 3 storage units! I lived in a small apt for a year, then
rented a room for another year, maybe 2, and continued to sort through stuff and get rid of
things I deemed not necessary. I started first giving the worthless stuff to the goodwill.
But I did do one room at a time when I moved out of my house. The kitchen was the
most overwhelming for me because of all the kitchen stuff you accumulate over the
years. Lets face it, we do love our kitchen gadgets. I had yard sales, I cruised through
the craigslist "wanted" ads for my area and found items I had that I didn't need that
someone else did. When I made the decision to get a fifthwheel I knew I had to consolidate my storage units. I went through one at a time, I actually got tired of
running every month to pay the storage fee. It gets pricey. But everyones situation is
different and you get rid of stuff differently because you have different reasons to
keep something. I ended up getting rid of almost everything, I only kept my family
photo's, my sewing stuff and all my clothes, my kitchen stuff and a few misc. books.
I also kept only my favorite little christmas tree and ornaments for it. I do have a shed
on my lot where my fifth wheel is parked and my extra stuff goes in that. It was hard
at the time but now I look back and see how much money I wasted on storage fees for
keeping stuff that I really didn't need. I needed the time to sort my feelings, so guess
thats the reasoning behind spending the money on storage. It worked for me. I hope
I've helped and someday you'll have a good cry and we'll be here for ya. Just remember
it took you along time to accumulate and it will take you a long time to d'cumulate, but
it will happen, just take baby steps and don't try to do it all at once. Another good place
to visit when your de'cluttering is a website called flylady.net , she is the queen of decluttering.

[Sparkle]

Oh my goodness! I feel for you. Okay, I'm really good at telling other people what to do. First off: you are looking at chopping down a whole forest. No wonder you don't know where to start. I had to downsize from a 3200sq ft home. 2-1/2 acres with all the equipment. I now live in a 31ft trailer. I have a small storage unit with stuff for my son when he's ready.
First: choose a room. Preferably the least used. Get some cardboard boxes and post it notes. And a garbage can. Now go through every cupboard and drawer. Is it trash? Toss it. Could you sell it at a garage sale? No, then it goes into the Goodwill box. Yard sale. Put it, if its small enough into the yard sale box. Big item, too good for yard sale? Does a family member or friend want it. Mark it with a post it note. If for sale, mark it so. Okay finished with that room? Relax, you've made a start. You've chopped down your first tree. If you do that with each room, something every day, you will get through it. Now, do it all over again and you will find that things you thought you couldn't part with, you will say, it can go. Have a yard sale, every other weekend if necessary. It will go, eventually. At the yard sale let people know you have bigger items for sale. Or send them to a consignment store.

[Mollysmom]

I thought I added this, but guess I didn't !
I had a niece that was getting her first apartment and she was thrilled to get allot of my things - I also gave some things to a friend's son that was starting out. You can also check if there's a woman's shelter that could use your things. I also gave allot of stuff to the local animal shelter - they need things you'd never think of ! You can use the donation as a tax write off too
Good luck

[Bethers]

((((((((((((((((((((((( Becky )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

OK, you needed a big hug before I could say anything else.

The other posters have already given you really valuable advice. I just want to add - if your DH doesn't want to help - just go ahead and start without him. If necessary, have a box or area for things that he has to decide on. And like they've said, after you think you've gone over everything - if it went in the garbage, take it to the garbage, don't rethink that. But go back over the keep items occasionally, and you'll move lots of those to one of the other stacks. It's amazing what time will do for you.

I do suggest that you go through your house before starting and pick something special (preferably something fairly small) to keep of all the immediate family that makes you smile. I don't have much like that anymore - mainly of my animals, but I have 2 pics in my rv - one a small needlepoint my sister did that says "A Sister is a Forever Friend" - that's on my wall to remind me of her. That's all I need.

I do have a few boxes at a friends house - those have my old family photos. Someday I'd like to go there and spend a couple months and do the scan thing with them - but meantime I know they are safe. I also have a lot of valuable prints - that are with the same friend. Someday I'll probably give each one of them to some of my favorite charities when they do a live or silent auction. But for the meantime, I need those to be there.

The advice to make this a job is very good advice. It'll give you a purpose. And set the time and follow it - whether you pick 2 hours or 4 hours - just do it. Every day (well, make it 5 days a week to start - give yourself the weekends )

Good luck - and thanks for feeling you could share with us. And when you need to - let those tears come - and when you want to - come on back and talk to us some more. We'll be here.

[Nasoosie]

Becky, what a powerful post this is. You are exactly where I am at with this downsizing and decluttering stuff thing. Everything I have accumulated in all my years that has followed me from house to house as I've moved is a true treasure to me, and, as you say, probably of no interest to anyone else.

This is so overwhelming for me as I try to make up my mind what to do with the rest of my life that I can't even talk about it yet. I need to just keep reading your words and feelings, and listening to the advice of those who have already made the moves, and begin reading my book I just bought called, "HELP, I'm knee-deep in clutter!" Maybe in a couple of weeks I'll be able to address my own 'job' of sorting and downsizing my treasures. But right now, I know where every teensy little treasure and memento I have kept is, and each family heirloom passed on from so many women over the ages in my family, and each treasure from my kids' growing up, and each scrap of paper with special notes on it for 'future reference,'.....and on and on.

I so well know the agony of tackling this job, and I, too, will cry with you. I have been putting these feelings off for way too long a time, and I thank you so much or making me realize these agonies are not unique to just me. Maybe I am not totally crazy to be so connected with my 'stuff.' My kids say I live in a veritable museum, and I know I do. My problem is that I love my displays and collections with all my heart! Most people cannot fathom just how attached to all my 'things' I am.

Thank you so much.....I will need time before I can talk logically about what my plans will be for the rest of my life.

[Redetotry]

Big hug to you Becky and hope you are feeling a little better. I don't have an RV but I'm wishing really hard. But, my DH & I moved 10 years ago and even thought it is a bigger house, it doesn't have places to put a lot of stuff around. So, most the things I considered treasures and had collected through the years planning that they would increase in value, are still in the same boxes down in our basement. I'm thinking if I haven't missed something in 10 years, I'm probably not going to! Plus most of the things we collected are not things that people want now, collecting has moved on to another era. I'm also really glad I don't have to dust it all! Every now and then I think I should sort and pitch so all the suggestions here have really been interesting. I particularly like Trudy's idea of treating it like a real job, for me since I retired, I find not having a schedule is really counter productive you know, one thinks I can let that wait until tomorrow...

The most important thing though is remember to take good care of yourself, retirement is a major life change and since you just retired and are now considering taking on another major stress chill a bit! If there is a Junior College take some classes, join a gym or do yoga it is a wonderful stress reliever. If you take care of your body you may find the decisions won't be so hard because you won't have as much time to think about them and it's a good way to meet new people.

[Cedar518]

Wow Becky,

I was working on the same thing today! Today we had a snowstorm and consequently I had the day off from school. So, I grabbed a garbage bag and headed to my bedroom and began. That bag is now half full. I'm also boxing and bagging stuff for an auction house that is nearby. I won't depend on the auction part of it I will just sell it outright to the owner and it will be GONE. I also have five bags of still servicable clothing in the back of my car for Salvation Army.

As I'm still working full time so I only have weekends. But my New Years Resolution is to do something for the house every day. No matter how small a task. My goal.... to eventually sell my home and live in a much cheaper way. It's the only way i'll ever be able to retire again. I'd been retired, but divorce ended that. Rather than spinning my wheels I'm just tackling it one day and one task at a time.

Oh yes,.... I have cried. I will again. It's ok to do that. Let's talk again, ok?

Hugs!

[Mollysmom]

I just got this in an email and thought I'd post it here ......

..... quote ......

When you follow your bliss... doors will open
where you would not have thought there would be doors;
and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else
~ Joseph Campbell



Breathing Space . . . finding peace and clarity in a frenzied world.

There's an old story about an Indian chief who counsels a young brave that "when you get to the chasm, jump. It's not as far as it looks."

Walking into the unknown armed only with hope and trust can be daunting. And we don't live in a culture that encourages people to follow their bliss; instead we're often advised to play it safe, to go with the known and leave the unknown to silly dreamers.

I've jumped off the chasm many times in pursuit of my dreams and I've not only found that "it's not as far as it looks" but that there's magic in the jumping. And in that magic exists a threshold which opens to endless possibilities.

Following your bliss requires that you allow enough breathing space to quiet your mind and open your heart. Children spend a lot of time daydreaming; adults get lost in their day-to-day busyness and often forget its importance. Set aside five minutes each day for daydreaming -- while showering, walking the dog, working in the garden, preparing dinner -- and see how far you can see down the path and into your dreams.

Warmest wishes,
Karen Ely

...... end quote

Not sure if it really has anything to do with packing, but I think it has allot to do with following dreams

[soisew]

A change like retirment can be very hard to deal with. It's a challenge to say the least and you'll have to just decide what is most important to you, everything around you, where you want to be, who you are around and find a path and purpose that suits you. Don't hurry yourself in case there is a good reason to but don't hold back so long you bog down either. Action will probably be better than just sitting and thinking about all the stuff.

As far as things go -- I fully understand your dilemma. We've been doing all that sorting and getting rid of, and moved. Our process took us 8 years so far. I've had to decide that it's all just a process as life goes on and nothing really worth worrying about. WE all have things that are important to us for various reasons. Take a serious look and decide what you want to have to haul aroudn the rest of your life, what should be given to family, what is trash, what should go and take it from there. Friends of ours who went full time RVing a few years ago just went through thier stuff and kept a few things, handed the keys to the house, cars, etc to an auctioneer and left. The aucitoneer sent them a check.

Once you get rid of some stuff you probably won't miss it. When we 1st started packing stuff away...we thought we'd miss all of it and I sort of do but there is soem stuff I've not seen for about 3 years so if I've not missed it my now..I may never so I may as well ditch it.

My Mom has a saying I think is very true "you may own stuff but after a while the stuff starts owning you". And boy isn't it true -- the more you have the more work it is, the harder it is to deal with taking up all your time to care for it. So I do agree with her -- get rid of what your really don't need and feel freer. Especially as we all age, have a harder time working, etc. it makes a whole lotta sense to get rid of some stuff before we are really old and before our life ends so our family isn't saddled with the burden of taking care of all that stuff!

If I had to do it again...I'd have gotten rid of more and much faster than our slow as a snail process. Its a learning ordeal.

One thing you might consider though -- what if you sold it all, moved to another location or went fulltime RVing and decided after a year it wasn't your thing. Be very sure a change is what you want and have a backup plan if things change.

We didnt' sell our house in NC because we wanted it for income property and because the housing market is the pits right now. We have our house rented with a property manager we are happy with so far. However in our case don't plan to ever live in that house or area of the country again. In a year or two we'll sell the house and reinvest the money.

We did have to work on the house before we rented it. We had lots of termite damage, hold flooring ,etc. We took out all the carpet and put in laminate. That took us the better park of 3 years but we werent' there all the time so that's why it took longer. It's best to fix everything that is worn or about to go as doing it afterwards is more costly. But, we did the work ourselves.

Emotinally it can be very hard. At 1st I was really attached to my house in NC, which I designed then had built but I found when I was away from there on trips...I did not miss it or the area at all. So I was able to fully let go and walk away eagerly. If you aren't able to do that...it will be very tough on you. Trust your heart and hopefully soon you'll find clarity and see what to do.

[Orchid]

I can't add any pearls of wisdom to all the wonderful advice you've already received. Do go slowly at first. I've just had my first garage sale. I had a whole bunch of junk, I mean treasures out there to sell. That was sale number one. I figure I'll have two more over the next two summers. The last sale will include furniture. After that I'm donating what I don't want to keep to charity. We're all here to listen, commiserate, advise, and provide a virtual shoulder to cry on when you need it. Cheryl

[dcricket]

Man O Man...I have a few more years to go before I can retire, and I'm sure glad to see all the excellent advice. Will come in handy. Actually went into the CraigList site and checked out the wanted area and saw someone wanted a dog carrier to ship a large dog on an airplane. Guess what? I have one cluttering up my back patio. Hmmmmmm, maybe this could be the start of a 7 year declutter plan and a means to make a little change.

Lotus(Becky), hang in there. Allow yourself to feel and cry and whatever else you heart and soul beckons you to do. Be sure to celebrate your triumphs of one room to the other (wahooooo Snoopy dance) warm thoughts of support coming your way.

[carold]

I can't add much to that. One suggestion I read while downsizing was to take pictures of things that meant a lot to you, but didn't want to keep and put them in an album to look at, or make a cd of them. I love the idea of giving to friends and relatives, we did that also. I would have gotten rid of everything, but have a DH that is not as willling-carold

[LegalLady]

Although I haven't retired yet, I have done a tremendous amount of de-cluttering following my DH's death. I filled THREE large dumpsters! I had depersonalized the house by taking all the pictures down and repainting - I thought I was selling at that time, which is why I did that. Now that I'm staying put for a while longer, I haven't put any pictures back up and I'm trying not to accumulate any more "stuff" - trying to keep the house as de-cluttered as possible. It sure is a great feeling.

I'm actively scanning every single piece of paper I would normally keep - bills, tax returns, assorted records. I'm also taking pictures of "keepsakes" to keep the picture instead of the item. The picture will likewise be scanned into the computer. That way, I can keep the memory of the precious items without having to hang onto the item itself.