Just need to talk...

[grammynmaggie]

Just sitting here thinking I am not as excited as I should be
about picking up rig. Trying to figure out why and I think
it is because I am still in greif..We unexpectedly lost a wonder man and member of our family
only 3 months ago. My brother. I was very close to my younger brother...and poor dad ...so guess that must be it...I am here in FL..but my heart is in PA....with rest of my family...most of them anyway...dd is in VA. Northwest PA is not the best place to live in this United States, and I have been wanting to leave there for years...but now I miss being there...well guess just wanted to say a few things...talk to someone and I guess you all were elected...thanks

[Nasoosie]

Grammy very understandable to have mixed feelings for you today. Losing a close family member like your brother is very traumatizing and devastating. As excited as you must be about picking up your rig, the loss you are feeling is bleeding through that joy----very normal. Just stay in touch with those back in Pa as often as you can for now, and I am sure they know how much you are missing being with them to mourn. Hug Maggie close and think how happy your brother would be for you. And always feel free to share your emotions with us-----we are good listeners and have all suffered our moments when we've needed to talk. Hugs to you.

[Dawn309]

Anytime you need to talk, we are here. There are several of us who have lost loved ones this year. I definitely understand what you are feeling. I have had similar thoughts from time to time since my husband passed away in May. My selling our farm, buying my MH and going full time were definitely something we planned before he passed. As much as I have always wanted this lifestyle, I have plenty of days when I know it would be better if he was able to do this with me. I think as time goes by, I will find more and more joy in pursuing my dream. Before he passed, he told me we had been living his dream, now it was my turn to live my dream. It's just not as good without him. You are not alone.

[Carolinagal]

Grammy, Soos said it very well. Just wanted to confirm this is a good place when we need to talk and our feelings are a mess. Loosing a family member is hard. It's nice you can be with your dad, otherwise you all would be in the north and he'd be alone, in Fl.

Tomorrow, remember how happy your brother would be that you finally are doing something for you!! I am so looking forward to meeting you this winter.

We will all be waiting to hear of your day tomorrow and how your drive home was. We have admitted to being mosey But we care too. !!

Take care , be thinking of you tomorrow !!!

CArol
As Dawn said, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! many are here for you and most know how you are feeling, cause we've been there.

[rvgrammy1953]

I, too, lost my youngest brother 3 yrs. ago yesterday.... and I can relate...but you know what, your brother loved you and he is proud of you doing what you have dream for along time..... these gals are the best support when you are dealing with sorrow and hurt....so vent anytime you want or need to.....and I grew up in Northwest PA .....a great place to raise kids and enjoy the great outdoors, but between no decent paying jobs and the snow belt...well, let's just say we visit in the summer....

[snowball]

Grammy
just wanted to say feel free to talk about your concerns...can understand wanting to be with family I think that is part of the
reason I came up here am with two daughters near my mom the kids in UT where so busy that I didn't feel the support that I
do here..we are here to lend our support I am sure that there isn't someone on here that hasn't lost some one close in one way or
another...take care enjoy the new rig and do as I'm sure your brother would want you to and that is have fun
sheila

[bluepinecones]

As others have said, always feel free to stop by and talk here. Many of us have been in your shoes and understand the situation. seems it always help to know you are not alone.

[Pooker]

Mixed feelings are okay. It's hard not to feel a teensy bit guilty when we can enjoy something in this life while others have passed on and can't enjoy things here any more. I personally think those we love check in on us from time to time. They want us to be as happy as we can be and are cheering for us all the way. Your brother is probably saying you go sister - good for you.

Try not to cry because someone is gone. Smile because they were here.

Pooker

[nella74nasus]

Grammy Maggie and Dawn
I so understand what you are saying. I lost my husband in February this year. I'm having a hard time going places. I traded in the trailer and truck for a class C. We use to go to Mesa, AZ every March for Spring Training. I'm going to try and force myself to go this March. My heart isn't really in it. But we use to really enjoy it. And I do love to see my Cubbies and Giants.

[Getupngo]

I'd like to voice an intuition: You had great joy and were not able to call your brother to celebrate. Mixed feelings are okay. Excitement, grief and maybe a sprinkling of survivor's guilt. I also had a letdown when I bought my first rig after my husband died. The excitement of buying my MH covered my grief for a time. Then the letdown. Afraid I'd made a mistake. Afraid to get in it and travel. Afraid I couldn't drive it.

I threw grief/fear-fueled hissy fits as I packed for my first trip. White knuckles the first thousand miles. Then a feeling of power as I realized I could do it.

So loss for me became a mixture of fear and grief. But slowly it got better. And I conquered the fear of the future -- mostly. Somewhat. (Can't lie here ... you all know me too well.)

As I learned to live with the bittersweet ... it has become more sweet over time. Be gentle with yourself. Just know that everything you are feeling is #@!$% normal.

janice

[Dawn309]

My feelings exactly Janice. You put into words what I feel everyday still.

[Sandersmr]

I lost my youngest sister 8.5 years ago and I still miss not being to talk to her. She was my best friend even though there was 9 years between us. So I understand it's hard not being able to share your big purchase and new lifestyle with your brother. But I still find myself talking to my sister, especially regarding my niece. And I talked to her when I took Audrey camping for the first time.

And I wouldn't be surprised if there was a little of that fear of the unknown thrown in. I know it was a scary thing for me when I actually signed the papers and we hooked up the trailer to bring it home.