I didn't think I could but I did it.

[cpatinjones]

One day at a time.

[monik7]

I couldn't decide for awhile whether I should contribute to this thread. The comments from all of you have been so insightful and heartfelt. I admire each of you who have suffered a loss and how you are working to go on with your lives positively and in a way I'm sure your love-ones would want. I've had some difficulty joining in as a new member of this forum and feeling like an outsider when so many of you have been here so much longer and know each other so well. But I find everyone so caring and am yearning for some help with the pain I continue to feel over the loss of my son who was murdered. I've always found it hard to tell people how badly I feel for fear of turning them off. In the past I've found people just seem to drop the subject when I mention my son. I don't know why. Maybe they feel uncomfortable. That just seems to add to the pain. While I know counseling is recommended, I just haven't been able to make myself go.

Deb, this isn't meant to hijack your post. I greatly admire how you and others are progressively navigating through a difficult process. I wish you and everyone continued strength. I'm also hoping I can find a way to learn from all of you.

All of you will remain in my prayers.
Sandi

[Sandersmr]

Sandi - I haven't lost a spouse, but lost my youngest sister just 8 months after losing my dad. I went to a grief support group shortly after Daddy died (and I was a daddy's girl) so I remembered the things when Mary died. I think one of the things was being able to talk about her to people without them closing up. And to know it's ok to be angry at the situation and them for leaving you. That's one of the stages of grieving.

Deb - sounds like you are making progress. And Dawn, there's no timetable for grief. Because Mary died so soon after Daddy (and we found out about her terminal illness literally 2 months after Daddy died), I don't feel like I was properly able to grieve Daddy's death. So 9 years later, there are things that will set me off. But now it's more of a nostalgic grief.

[longdog2]

Sandi, losing a child may be the most difficult loss anyone ever has to deal with because parents are not meant to outlive their children. And to have them taken away through such a terrible act as murder makes it even more difficult to bear. Do not be afraid to speak up. I am certain those who have lost a spouse or a parent will be among the first understand your pain. You may want to consider grief counseling as Maggie said it was helpful. I think people are afraid to say anything because they fear making you feel worse but I think reliving the good memories does help. You might just have to let your friends know that it would help you to be able to talk about your son.

[Dawn309]

Sandi, feel free to open up to us anytime with anything you are feeling. For both Deb and myself, this forum is our lifeline right now. There have been quite a few ladies here I have gotten to know much better through private messaging, including Deb. We are always here for you. This is a very giving group of ladies. They definitely have your back. I have not been to grief counseling. After my husband passed away, everything was happening so fast I could not fit it in. Also the meetings offered through the Hospice were in the evenings and I do not drive after dark.

Losing my husband has been devastating to me. He was the most important person in the world to me. I cannot imagine losing a child, especially to murder. You had no warning, no time to prepare for his death. I can only imagine you must be grieving for the life he never got to have, the children he might have had and I am sure the list goes on. I have a friend from high school who lost a son at a young age. She has a facebook page as a memorial to him. She posts to it daily. It seems to help her. We see her posts and can comment to them.

[Readytogo]

Sandi (and other new people) feel free to join in. Somehow this has become more than a forum for rving advice to also a group of friends who are helpful in any situation. Onr thing I got so tired of hearing when i lost my husband was "I know how you feel" from people who hadn't been there. Tho they meant well I know. So I won't say I know how you feel losing a child but that I can imagine how you feel. So please consider us all your friends and sounding boards when you need us! Wendy

[Pooker]

Sandi - Yes, many of us have been on this forum a long time; but most of us don't really know each other. I have met some of these incredible gals in person, but mostly we are electronic friends - both new and old. An amazing group that really points out how caring women are.

Your loss is unthinkable! I have a dear friend who lives 3,000 miles away from me. She just lost her son, and her granddaughter, his daughter, is to be married this weekend. I feel her pain across the electronic waves and it matches yours. We wish we could say something that would help.

Sharon mentioned Sparkle. Most of you who joined the forum in recent times won't remember Sparkle. A more unique, querky, funny gal could not be found. Many met her in person and Beth traveled and cared for her right up to her death. I never met Sparkle in person, but her postings always kept us in stitches. Who could forget her episode of parking on the beach and the tide came in? Or driving along with parts falling off her truck or trailer and she'd just toss them in the truck bed and continue on? She once posted that she found herself sitting alone in a grove of Redwoods (I believe) thinking how beautiful it all was and crying because she didn't have her DH to share it with. Then it struck her: he would have hated the nature sites she was now visiting, so why was she sitting here with tears streaming down? We seek out the things that we would like and give up many of the things we shared before.

Pooker

[monik7]

Thank you all for your words of support. This forum is truly something special. I look forward to getting to know as many of you as possible both her online and hopefully on the road sometime in person.
Sandi