No longer a lurker!

[Tubirdldy]

Hi Janalee
My heart goes out to you! I too have been a 'lurker', for a very short time. My name is Sandi and I'm a full time RVer as of April 2011. My husband and I have RV'd 6-8 months out of the year since I retired in 2002 - we had a home in Tucson and decided to let our disabled adult son live there with his disabled roommate. In August of 2010, my husband had a stroke at the base of his brain - during this time he was diagnosed with a Genetic, degenerative desease referred to as C.A.D.A.S.I.L. There is no cure and nothing that can be done to stop the process. It was determined that it had been going on for 20 years already. The stroke really set this disease off and it has been 'downhill' every since. His front lobil was destroyed and his ability to reason and/or process things has been pretty much destroyed.

We had been hosting at a campground in N. Co. for 3 years when this happened. I tried to continue hosting, with him living with me and traveling in the winters. This became way too difficult for me. He became very self-centered and obstinate when things didn't go his way. After his getting ANGRY in a restrauant and being very verbal (publicly) and then taking off, hitchhiking 40 miles (unbeknowence to me) - I had to make the very difficult decision of putting him in Assisted Living. I tried very hard to make it work, but, it became impossible! He is only now 65 years of age.

So, all of that to say this..............IF you can travel with your husband and enjoy your travels, you go for it while you can. If NOT, do what you have to do for BOTH of you. Often as caretakers, we feel guilty when we look out for ourselves (I STILL am fighting that battle every day!). But, had I tried to keep up with things the way they were, I'd have had a complete breakdown - it was just more then I could handle!! We had been married 42 years (still are married) and so it has been extremely difficult and VERY LONELY for me!

I just found this forum myself and hoping to make some contacts with some outstanding ladies who love life and make the best of our situations!

Hopefully, sharing my story with you will be helpful, even though our stories our different!

God bless you and I'll put you in my prayers!

[mizdeb]

Yea!!! Welcome!! Out of the woodwork and into the light. Hope you enjoy this caring group of women who will always have your back.
Deb

[Redwahine]

Welcome to the forum Janalee and Tubirdldy. This forum is a wonderful group of supportive women. I'm new and looking to get a rig and hit the road next year. Only you can decide what is best for you and your HD. You have a lot of support here from these wonderful ladies on the forum.

My story was with my mom. My Mom and Step Dad (SD) were full timers in MH for several years. Then reduced to 9 mos a year, spending winters at their home in SoCal. Mom started having dementia, but SD didn't tell me until I flew up to Maine one summer to visit with them for a long weekend. She was not a wanderer then and functioned OK, but had memory loss, confusion and was dilussional! One day while driving through a small town (low speed) Mom jumped out of her seat and ran and hid in the bathroom from something we assume was an illusion. Then she came out and while walking back to the passenger seat, SD had to suddenly break. Mom was thrown forward, fell knocking her head on the engine compartment, breaking her neck. Neurosurgeons built her a new neck out of bone from hip. Lots of plate and screws. After that she recovered they drove the RV Back to CA but she couldn't swallow. So next came the peg (feeding tube through the stomach wall). She never got to eat again. Then the dementia got really bad....like Janalee's DH, a Side effect from the anesthesia from the surgeries.

I encouraged SD to continue going on trips and he did with her for short trips. Then she became too difficult. Back in 01 we could not find a place for her with all her complications. I flew from Hawaii to their place every three months and gave SD respit from this 24/7 vigil of caring for her. I encouraged him to take his kid and grnd kid out for a weekend and to enjoy. He did once or twice. But then he didn't wan to go without my Mom. She passed in 03. I helped SD sell the MH and get a new one. The old one reminded him too much of mom. He and an x wife got back together and travel in the new MH. I gave them all my blessings. I love him for taking care of my mom and he and x wife enjoyed their RV lifestyle and they called me regularly They stopped traveling last year after SD had a bad stroke

[Tubirdldy]

Wow - quite a story! Thanks for sharing! I know there are MANY women out there struggling with their situations. Nice to find a forum of caring people!!!

[Travelinana]

Welcome Janalee, not good news on your husband but we all know life throws curve balls and we must be fearless to survive..You have no doubt taken the bull by the horns...I think we can all learn from you. So glad you have decided to come on in and join us.