Not alone after all

[MsJane]

[I have edit this post to remove excess information. I think it was the right decision because I feel better already.]

I'm new to this site and still getting to know many of you. I belong to a few sites and find that I come away with something different from each site. After joining here I wasn't really sure if this site was a good fit as I didn't seem to connect much. Fast forward to present day: Maybe the missing connection was because I had connected and just didn't know it. I have not lost a husband but I have lost love ones. With being single my family plays a bigger role filling in the absence of a husband. I have lost my mother & brother to cancer. In someways I have lost a bit of my dad after he suffered a stroke a few weeks after David passed away.

My mom and brother were the ones keeping the family unit close. My nieces and nephew have always been closer to my sister than to me. I admire their relationship and have tried to work on a closer relationship but without success. I will leave the door open if ever they change their mind. I know that when dad passes I will drift away from my sister but will keep the door open. Until she needs me our relationship is one sided too.

With dad's age and health issues his time with us seem to be limited. With my brother & sister having money issues I am concerned when it comes to dad's house. I live with dad so most likely I will be displaced with a modest income. I am trying to consider options so I can be prepared in case things get ugly. Dawn 309 and Deb posts have given me strength. I may not have lost a spouse but our stories mirrors each other’s a bit.

With all of the above said I now know I'm not alone after all as I have your guys for support. I also know I'm the common factor in my relationships too.

I can now see the connection - thanks for being here.

[Bethers]

(((((((((( Jane ))))))))))))). Life has been very tough on you these past years. Hopefully here you can find some friends, support and laughter, too. I'm glad you're feeling more a part of the whole family here. And that's what we like to think we are.

[OregonLuvr]

WOW Jane, that is certainly a full plate you were dealt. Hopefully you can either connect or disconnect with your family members. Sometimes it is just not worth it to keep on trying. We all have "those" members of our family, some more than others. Just have to move on and live your own life and make yourself happy while, as you say, leave the door open.(sometimes just a crack....hah)

karen

[Dawn309]

MsJane, you are not alone! We will be here for you no matter how things turn out. I was glad to read your post script about the support you are now getting from your family. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I believe God directed me to this forum. I found this site by accident on April 2nd. The following day my husband was put on Hospice. This forum has given me a place to give voice to my joys and fears, my happiness and sadness. I immediately felt a kinship with the ladies on this forum that I do not feel on any other RV forum I belong to. If you give us a chance, we can give you that kinship too. Before finding this forum, I spent so many hours feeling alone and scared. Everyone here has had different and similar life experiences. We help each other.

I have only been priviledged to meet one of the ladies on this forum so far. I am looking forward to meeting more at GTG's. I hope you let us get to know you, and that maybe you can get to one or more GTG's on down the road. With your Dad's health, I imagine you have a hard time getting away right now. Feel free to share whatever you are going through. It helps. I know.

[MsJane]

I just a PM to one of you saying I was coming back to delete this post but found some heartfelt replies. I might still delete this post but wanted to say thank you to everyone.

RVing has opened a new door for me and I have met the nicest people while camping. When I staying my trailer I am able to relax and fall asleep.

[Sandersmr]

Hugs to you, Jane! I too have had my family terribly affected by cancer. And while I'm close to the family I have left, I'm not as close as to those that I have lost. I also have the physical distance as my remaining immediate family all live within 5 miles of each other, but 850 miles away from me.

Fortunately, I have two different groups of friends - one from my early years that I have reconnected with and my contemporary friends. And now I feel like I'm developing relationships here.

I hope that your family support builds as you need it, but be assured you can always come here for support and listening.

[MsJane]

I just went to edit my post. It was a bit too much information and I actually feel *lighter* after editing.

[Getupngo]

MsJane, you happened onto the site during a time of great loss here. I've been here a few years, as in any family we go through phases. Recently we have been about mourning deaths and selling homes -- not unrelated topics, as it turns out.

I hope this phase of has run its course. Except the shedding of what we call "sticks and bricks." May all who want to sell their homes find happy buyers!

I don't know why families have to be so complicated, but they are. And money and entitlement simply amplify emotional seismic zones. My parents have been gone since my mid-30s and I have two brothers, neither of whom I speak to. Living in a place with HUGE extended families (who all come to camp on my loop at one time or another!) makes my dearth of DNA connections more tangible.

If you look beyond the emotional posts, we have great travel blogs, lots of newcomers asking great questions, the searches for and braggings (is that a WORD?) about new rigs, and a few craft & RV remodeling project posts.
.

[mizdeb]

(((((((JANE)))))))) As others have said we are a family here and when one of us is hurting we can always vent and be heard. Life has not been good to a few of us lately but with the help of our forum sistahs we are getting over the rough spots in the road. The love shared here is so comforting and supportive that I know you will find that in this group.

When Dawn, Sheila and I were spending those long nights watching the men we loved suffer I know if not for this group I would have had no support at all. The kids came during the day, but there was no one at night and since Les passed away they went from trying to become my parent to totally ignoring me unless I initiate a conversation. If I ask for help they grudgingly give it, but I have to listen to complaints about who is not helping so now I ask my son only when I can't physically do something. My brothers and stepsister have faded out of my life since my mom passed away except for a brother given up for adoption at birth who I just found 10 years ago. Thats a whole nother story.

I find that getting rid of sticks and bricks house is a challenge,, but I know once it is done then the fears I have now will go away or at least I hope so.

Please stay with us and let us help you through the trials you may face ahead of you. We will be there for you. On a lighter note we also laugh at the good things as well.

[cpatinjones]

Happy to hear you are staying with us. Take one day at a time.

[JanetA]

MsJane.....

this is a great bunch of women and you can always rely on them when you come here w/ any problem or hurt you have be it RV related or personal stuff and they will ALWAYS give encouragement and comfort and maybe some well meaning advice which is usually helpful to make one see a different side and maybe a better solution to what might be ailing you. (us)

welcome to the fold and may you see better days ahead and comfort and even FUN in your future RV ing life. I know I hope for that myself!

best of wishes!


JanetA

[lak99]

Janet,

I think we have all felt the same way at some point. Through all of our individual
pasts we find ourselves here now. And I, for one, am very grateful to have found
this group of ladies. Because, like you, now I know that I am NOT ALONE.

Ask us anything. We are up for it!

[MsJane]

Thanks for the replies and words of support! After editing my post and crying for a moment or two I did feel better. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

While speaking with my sister today I found out that my s-i-l had a family dinner get-together on August 7, the two year anniversary of my brother's passing. My sister had planned on attending but changed her mind. Not much I can do about not being invited to family events or being excluded at family events. Not worth spending much time getting hurt or upset because my efforts can be better spent elsewhere.

I do get that I'm the common factor in my failed relationships. I have a disability and sometimes get judged, sometimes unfairly but sometimes accordingly. I have also figured out that I am a bit selfish in my choices. Not easy to say but it is what is it. I am working on making some changes like getting more involved in social environments. I’m looking forward to when my efforts become life skills.

mizdeb – I can relate to what you wrote – similar outcomes when I ask for help. It seems to works better if another option can be found and the unwilling party is taken out of the picture.

I may not be here daily but I will be dropping by to say hi & see what's going on.