Miracles

[Getupngo]

I received a letter a few days ago from my stepson Ben, who as many of you recall is on permanent commitment at the state mental hospital for killing his father. I wrote a while back about how I attended a tree-planting ceremony on the hospital's considerable grounds to honor my late DH's memory, and how I hadn't seen Ben for several years. He told me then that he would write me a letter.

What I read in Ben's letter is a testament to the human spirit. He had a substance abuse problem (most mentally ill people do ... as they try to manage what can be scary symptoms), and wrote that he has stopped using (yes, you can get "other" drugs anywhere you are), is stable on his meds. He is also is working at a job within the hospital, taking a distance English course from BYU and has earned enough trust to be allowed outside the building (but still on the hospital grounds) with staff.

And he apologized to me. During the pendency of the criminal process, he was unable to make any sort of statement about the crime (everything was recorded), and I hadn't seen him since that all ended. I didn't realize how much I needed to hear him say that. It was welcome, but also stirred up a lot of "stuff" and has had me tipped over for the last several days.

Ben's "accomplishments" may not seem like much, but you have to understand how absolutely untethered he was to this world (he had to scream "to keep the world turning") to realize how miraculous is this transformation. He is taking responsibility and seeking dignity within very difficult circumstances, both in his physical surrounding and within the violent and suicidal thoughts he still has to manage.

We see the silly adage, "Bloom where you are planted," but Ben has truly done that. I just wanted to honor that with you wonderful women.

[islandmomma]

What a triumph for Ben that he could express that and for you that you were open to hearing it...!! Good luck to both of you. We all know it will still be 'one day at a time' for him for a very long time and he is wished continuing strength...

jan

[Cedar518]

What a nice thing to read from you Janice. I hope that he continues to find more and more strength and most of all inner peace.

[asirimarco]

Sounds like a good start to healing on both of your parts. So glad you shared it with us.

[Liz]

((((hugs))))

[Nasoosie]

BIG HUGS, Janice. Your stepson is coming back to life. And I am hoping that you, too, will bloom like that memorial tree planting for your husband. What a huge burden you have been carrying. I am always amazed at the resiliency of the human soul and spirit. It makes me proud to be a human.

You will soon be more 'right-side-up' in a few more days, as you take in and process what Ben wrote to you.

Molly sends her love to you, too. 4-footers seem to be able to empathize and comfort so much better than we humans can.

[rvgrammy1953]

Janice..........((((Hugs)))).....Ben sounds like he's doing better.....You seem to be doing better, too.. The letter helped in healing you both....

[Gentleladybear]

So glad you shared this information with us. Hope that the apology helps you in your healing. ((((((hugs)))))) to you.

[retiredhappy]

Hugs to you. Glad to hear you (and your stepson) are doing better. My heart goes out to you.

[avalen]

(((((((Janice))))))))) so glad to hear there is some healing going on for both of you

[AlmostThere]

Janice, thank you for sharing. Healing is a slow process and I'm glad you and Ben are healing together.
Hugs to you.