Life alone, what do I do now?

[mizdeb]

Services are over and DH is laid to rest on Monday, now what do I do? I wander around the house flitting from project to project and get nothing accomplished. It seems I can find no purpose right now. Dr has put me on disability until July 1. I may not have a job when it is time to go back. The last person who took extended leave was laid off the day she returned. Dr has suggested counseling and grief support which I will get from Hospice as part of the program. I asked everyone to leave me alone for three days to recoup and maybe find that I can sleep through the night without having one ear tuned to any change in sounds around me.

Everyone is telling me to take a trip so have tried to plan one. I started out with just an extended weekend over Memorial Day, but it looks like it will expand to about 3 weeks. I think that will give me a good taste of traveling by myself with copilot Duncan. As I have gone through the plan I have tried to keep travel time to 5-6 hours in a day with most stops of 2-3 days. I will be staying at Outdoor World and Thousand Trails campgrounds most of the time with just one paid stop near Myrtle Beach, SC (I will have to join Passport America for that one). Then my grandaughters for three nights in Asheville NC (she just told me she lives two miles from Biltmore) then back to CG in the system to come back north through the mountains and back to NH. There will only be two overnight stops where Les and I have stayed together so not a lot of memories to relive and only new ones to make. I have been pulling the camper and setting up camp by myself for the past three years so that is nothing new for me. Does this sound like to much at once or do you think it will give me enough to decide if I really will be comfortable living the full time lifestyle? Anyone in or around Lancaster PA? I will be at Outdoor World PA Dutch Resort May 25-29 - new to me as we always stayed at Circle M.



Deb

[Dawn309]

Deb,

I think it's a good idea for you to take your trip. Be sure and try to make new friends when you are at CG, if possible. When Chuck passes, I think I will be doing the same as you. I don't know how long it will take you to be able to sleep more than a couple hours because of being on alert for so long. I think being in your RV will help that too. To me, nothing is more relaxing than sitting in a chair under the awning.

Please let us know how you are doing. Maybe we can meet on the road sometime in the future.

Hugs to you,
Dawn

[Carolinagal]

Hi Deb, (((((((((HUGS)))))))))) I've been where you are now, and it sounds to me, like you are doing fine. You have made good plans for yourself, with time before your trip to get yourself together a little more. Hospice grieveing program is a great one, I did that for myself too. The wandering the house and finding yourself doing nothing, is ok too. This is a slow process learning to live alone and at times its not a fun one. In time, you'll start doing things for yourself and hopefully keep thinking of things you can do, that you will enjoy.

There are many of us who have been where you are on this forum, and we're all here for you. We all can understand what your dealing with right now. I think you're doing great, nothing unusual about your feelings, your wandering around the house. So hang in there and when you need to talk, this is a good place, someone will come back at ya. When you made your plans for your trip, did you check our " Member Map" to see if some of us would be near your traveling area? I dont live far from Ashville, but will be on my way to Ak, or I'd go up and meet you. Maybe another time.

Your wise not to visit to many places you've been before. I need to tell you, getting on the road in itself will bring many memories, so set your mind to it and get through it. Make friends, keep in touch with these friends on this forum. and know you are not really alone.

Safe travels I wish for you and a good amount of healing in the process,
CArol

[Sandersmr]

There is no one "right" way to grieve. It sounds like that you have come up with something that will work for you. I know the things you are going through - Mom went through many of the same symptoms. And she was a caregiver for a few years before Daddy died so she had that withdrawal as well. Sounds like what you are going through is pretty normal.

[Bethers]

Big Hugs ((((((((((((((((( Deb ))))))))))))))))). I can only repeat what the others before me have said. There is no one right way to grieve. For me, I throw myself into work and put in 20+ hour days (because there is no such thing as more than a couple hours sleep). I keep myself so busy that I don't have time for anything else. Cleaning, which I hate doing and usually put off, gets done to an extent that is unbelievable - and fast. I don't remember doing lots of it, but it keeps me busy.

Make sure you either have books on tape (if you like those) or music, or both, to keep your mind going while driving. I would play some of the silliest oldies at full blast and sing along with them - and sometimes that would take my mind off things. When driving, they were vital to me.

That said - you can only do what works for you. If you need to do absolutely nothings some days - do that. I think this trip will keep you busy and going different places and hopefully will help.

My best friend lost her husband just before Thanksgiving. I stayed in her driveway in Jan and Feb - was there to help her get ready to sell the house, etc - and she wouldn't let me do anything. She wasn't ready. Now, this week, she has put the house on the market - she did the work mainly by herself, when she was finally ready. She says my being there helped. We talked, we did nothing, we played on our computers in different rooms - when she wanted to do anything, I was there - and while I would have been a whirlwind had I been her - she was not. And that's fine - she needed to come to terms in her own way - just as you do.

Bless you and again, big hugs to you. And no matter what anyone tells you to do - do it if it feels right to you - listen - but listen to your own head and heart - and follow them.

[rvgrammy1953]

Deb....((((HUGS)))) .....Ernie & I are at our seasonal campground near Gettysburg, PA until June 14th.....we aren't that familiar with the Lancaster area, but if you would send me the address for the Resort there, bet we could find you and have a mini GTG Ernie says we're only an hour away from Lancaster and do know some of the sights to visit there....or we can just sit around, chat and talk about full-time Rving....it's been our life-style for the last 8 years...just let me know....either here or send a PM....our thoughts and prayers are with you......we are all here for you for when ever you need to talk....

[cpatinjones]

I think your plans works for you and think it is a good plan. Just take one day at a time.

[Echo]

I can only echo what the others have said. Each person grieves in their own way. All you can do is follow your heart and instinct.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} to you Deb.

[snowball]

Hugs Deb
My heart goes out to you...we all grieve in various ways that as been said and I think it is so true
and why not we all feel things differently as well..we all do things differently...take care enjoy the best
you can your trip gain new memories and embrace this time in your life..
sheila

[Nasoosie]

Big hugs to you, Deb. Although it's a common cliche, time actually does help with the healing process of losing a loved one. I have always likened it to the brain getting used to the new situation, and, athough the adapting is a slow and often very painful process, one day you will realize that you actually managed a few laughs. The memories will become less painful and more of a joy and a reassurance that your life can go on and still be wonderful. Everyone, as has been said, does this adapting in his/her own particular way, and there is no right or wrong way to go it.

We will all be here to help you through the dark periods, and share the lighter, more happy periods. We will all look forward to meeting you somewhere down the road.