I Don't Understand People

[Dawn309]

Jean, that is horrible. My Mom had a step-mother like that. She hated me because I was my Grandpa's baby girl. She passed away long before my Grandpa and none of us was really sorry to see her go. I know that's terrible.

I think I know what the moral of your story is and I want you to know ours is not the same situation. My oldest and I talked tonight and she told me she was afraid she would not have anything to remember her Dad. I held her and explained that would never happen. I told her the same thing I had told her sisters. When their Daddy is no longer with us, I would make sure they had plenty of remembrances of him. In fact, I told her I was planning on giving her all the photo albums because I know pictures are more important to her than to her sisters. I will definitely want a few of everyone, but I won't have room for all the albums in the RV. I know whe will take care of them. We held each other and cried together because neither one of us wants to lose Chuck.

Hopefully a lot of healing is happening.

Have a great night,
Dawn

[Bethers]

Dawn, I'm so glad to hear you were able to have a healing conversation like you just described with your daughter. And make sure she knows - the one thing no one can ever take away from her - are her memories. That is the dearest thing I have of all those I have lost. Pictures get lost, ruined, etc - things disappear - I remember how devastated I was when a piece of jewelry I had of my mothers was stolen - that was one thing I had kept in remembrance of her - but as time has passed, I remembered that "things" didn't mean a lot to her - so more and more - it's my memories of her that I will never lose.

[JudyJB]

Pictures are so important. My aunt passed away many years ago, when my cousin was 8. Her father remarried a few years later, but the new wife threw away every photo of my aunt. The result is that my cousin had absolutely not a single photo of her mother to remember her by. The rest of us in the family send her all the ones we can find, but she lost so much when this vindictive step-mother tossed everything. And she really had nothing to be jealous over because the first wife had died so many years previously.

On a positive note, the second wife also passed away, and the father remarried a third time to a woman who is still close to her step-daughter, and even took over the care of her two older severely mentally-disabled adult brothers--much more than she ever had to do.

Glad you settled this concern by the oldest daughter.

[JoanE]

I think I know what the moral of your story is and I want you to know ours is not the same situation.
Hopefully a lot of healing is happening.

Dawn, I'm glad you had a good conversation with your oldest. I have been on both sides of the "step" issue.

One thing I learned from being a step parent is that children overhear things taken out of context but they take it as literal truth. It can really hurt relationships. If kids don't have a great relationship with the natural parent, it makes it much more difficult for the step-parent.

You sound like you have been the reasonable one in this situation. You now are dealing with your husband's illness and that is very difficult for you, as well as for them. You need to do what you and your husband agreed upon. Hopefully the tentative step recently taken will develop in a positive way.

[MsJane]

I'm new here but I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's a tough enough time already without more problems being added to the mix. My heart goes out to you and your family.

I can relate as my own family have been though a lot in recent years. We often don't see eye-to-eye on things but are learning that everyone handles stress and grief in different ways; some of it is understandable and some of it not & will never be. This learning curve is far from being mastered but working on it each day.

Family, grief, and money can be a ugly combination so I asked a non-family member to take care of my plans.

Take care.

[Dawn309]

Thanks Jane. I appreciate your kind words. We are still working things out. Oldest called a couple of nights ago. She said she was worried I was going to move to Florida with my Mom. Told her no, the most I had ever said was if I start full-timing, I was going to visit my Aunt in Florida. Told her I would also be going to Alabama to visit her sister, to Connecticut and Vermont to visit my cousins then would be coming back here to visit her and the sister who lives here too. Told her she was not going to get rid of me that easily. LOL. She said, good. She was afraid I would never come back. I am beginning to understand her behavior a little more at the beginning of all this. Her husband and I are the same age and she said she is afraid she might lose her parents and her husband all within a few years of each other. I reminded her I am in really good health, am only 58 and my family on both sides live into their upper 90's, and some into their 100's. She's stuck with me for a long time to come. That eased her mind.

Luckily, things have smoothed out on all fronts. Next up is keeping Chuck going longer than the doctor thinks.