Time to be Honest with Myself
Posted: Tue Oct 28, 2008 8:21 amI decided yesterday that even if I’m offered the job in Bartlesville I need to turn it down. Yes, it sounds like a good job. Yes I need the money right now. Yes, Bartlesville might be a good place to settle down. Yes, the housing prices here are very inexpensive, at least compared to San Diego. Yes, there are all kinds of reasons I could accept the job. BUT, I got carried away with a new situation and place:
* I’m kidding myself about working at any job long enough to justify putting down roots, buying a house. I never have yet in 61 years, so why would I all of a sudden start now? Nope, I can’t see it happening. I’d work there a year or so, if that long, and find an excuse to quit. Not saying that’s good or bad, just the way I am.
*I really do need the money. But, this is a temporary blip. I’ve always found enough before to live on, not lavishly, to be sure, but fairly comfortably. The problem is too many bills, and there’s no way that situation would possibly improve by settling down permanently. If anything, it would add even more to the stack. I look at my almost maxed out credit cards and get worried. That’s where the push to get a “real” job comes from. I can’t deny that a “real” job would help pay down those bills. But . . .
* Bartlesville is as good a place as any to settle down, but I don’t need to (and shouldn’t) do it at this time. When I found myself emailing the folks in Kanab, Utah the other day, getting excited about possibly doing movie hosting and anything else for another seven months there, I knew this nomadic life is the best right now, the one I need to stick with. But, now I know places like this exist and would be places to eventually put down roots.
* Houses might be pretty cheap here, but you can’t beat free sites and hookups with jobs in various parts of the country I’ve never seen before. Sure, I still have the RV payment, but that's a pretty good bargain when compared to a mortgage payment, utilities, taxes, interest, and upkeep. If I get tired of a job or one part of the country, I can just drive my house somewhere else. It does have some disadvantages, but the advantages still outweigh those. This place is small, but that keeps me from amassing all kinds of stuff again.
*My main concern is the upkeep and expense of two vehicles. I’ve never been that enthralled with cars, and have always let other people take care of them, work on them, and so forth. Sometimes I get very worried about what I’d do if something happened with one of these vehicles that I couldn’t afford to pay for. Right now that includes something as simple as an oil change. From all that time up in the mountains this summer, I desperately need a new air filter, oil filter, and who knows what else for the pickup. Spending so much on gas to get here and then losing out on three weeks of work has really set me back. and I’m almost afraid to drive any real distance until I get the work done. But, that’s temporary. If I’m that worried about upkeep on a car, what the heck would I do with a house?
*Finally, and probably most important, there's my relationship with Lou. Sure, it's long-distance most of the time lately, but you can't beat the returnings. He sent me pictures of some mud caves he explored in Anza Borrego desert Sunday, and they made me wish so much I'd been with him and the pups. Who knows where that relationship might head in the future - not for me to say. But, we've now been friends again for almost ten years (not counting that time in high school so many years ago) and it looks like we might be stuck with each other for a long time to come. And that wouldn't be bad.
Cheating, I know, since I wasn't there. But, I was in spirit--and have been fairly close to these caves in early fall.
* I’m kidding myself about working at any job long enough to justify putting down roots, buying a house. I never have yet in 61 years, so why would I all of a sudden start now? Nope, I can’t see it happening. I’d work there a year or so, if that long, and find an excuse to quit. Not saying that’s good or bad, just the way I am.
*I really do need the money. But, this is a temporary blip. I’ve always found enough before to live on, not lavishly, to be sure, but fairly comfortably. The problem is too many bills, and there’s no way that situation would possibly improve by settling down permanently. If anything, it would add even more to the stack. I look at my almost maxed out credit cards and get worried. That’s where the push to get a “real” job comes from. I can’t deny that a “real” job would help pay down those bills. But . . .
* Bartlesville is as good a place as any to settle down, but I don’t need to (and shouldn’t) do it at this time. When I found myself emailing the folks in Kanab, Utah the other day, getting excited about possibly doing movie hosting and anything else for another seven months there, I knew this nomadic life is the best right now, the one I need to stick with. But, now I know places like this exist and would be places to eventually put down roots.
* Houses might be pretty cheap here, but you can’t beat free sites and hookups with jobs in various parts of the country I’ve never seen before. Sure, I still have the RV payment, but that's a pretty good bargain when compared to a mortgage payment, utilities, taxes, interest, and upkeep. If I get tired of a job or one part of the country, I can just drive my house somewhere else. It does have some disadvantages, but the advantages still outweigh those. This place is small, but that keeps me from amassing all kinds of stuff again.
*My main concern is the upkeep and expense of two vehicles. I’ve never been that enthralled with cars, and have always let other people take care of them, work on them, and so forth. Sometimes I get very worried about what I’d do if something happened with one of these vehicles that I couldn’t afford to pay for. Right now that includes something as simple as an oil change. From all that time up in the mountains this summer, I desperately need a new air filter, oil filter, and who knows what else for the pickup. Spending so much on gas to get here and then losing out on three weeks of work has really set me back. and I’m almost afraid to drive any real distance until I get the work done. But, that’s temporary. If I’m that worried about upkeep on a car, what the heck would I do with a house?
*Finally, and probably most important, there's my relationship with Lou. Sure, it's long-distance most of the time lately, but you can't beat the returnings. He sent me pictures of some mud caves he explored in Anza Borrego desert Sunday, and they made me wish so much I'd been with him and the pups. Who knows where that relationship might head in the future - not for me to say. But, we've now been friends again for almost ten years (not counting that time in high school so many years ago) and it looks like we might be stuck with each other for a long time to come. And that wouldn't be bad.
Cheating, I know, since I wasn't there. But, I was in spirit--and have been fairly close to these caves in early fall.
) ... but I know that it would be a means to an end ... to nibble down those credit card bills and to get some kind of "cushion" in the bank before my itchy feet get the best of me. I had vowed not to use my credit cards ... but I'm looking at an $800 "emergency" charge to -- as you mention -- pay for a critical repair on my motor home. 