How do you deal with fear?

[mizdeb]

OK, I know I have been lax about posting, but have been really busy getting through this house. I have finally gotten all the closets and my craft room cleaned out. Living room is down to bare minimum, laundry room is finally finished, fresh paint, trim done that was never finished. Now I am ready to call realtor and I am scared that the house will sell to fast and yet also scared that it won't sell and I will never get on the road. How many of you have felt this way. Is it normal? I have let everyone in the family and at work believe that the plan is to buy something in town closer to work and family so I don't have to listen to the flack that I got when I mentioned it initially. My son is so totally against my going full time that he doesn't want to hear about it so I am keeping quiet for now.

Being back to work is so boring. My office has no windows and I am only busy about 4 out of 8 hours so it makes for a long day. Driving me crazy and I so want to be outside of those 4 walls. I sit and think about all I could be doing here at home to get ready to sell and also I spend a lot of time thinking about Les which is not a good thing to dwell on for me right now. I think I have gained 10 pounds just sitting on my butt all day. Getting a job at Disney sounds wonderful right now!

I also get scared of giving up everything I have worked so long and hard for, yet as I throw things into the dumpster I feel lighter and more free of stuff. Make any sense?

I rented a 5X10 storage unit and have only about 15 totes in it so far. Most of it is craft stuff that I want to keep for now but want out of the house to cut down on the clutter to make it easier to sell. It will probably find its way into a yard sale before I am done. The 20 yd dumpster is almost full so have gotten rid of a lot of junk. I have yard sale stuff organized in my storage shed so just have to go through the kitchen and dining room to sort out dishes and pots and pans. I have the names of two people who do clean outs and I really just want everything gone. I have been trying to use up the stock pile of food that Les found it necessary to keep on hand so I don't have to find homes for it all later. But there is only so much one person can eat. There is still a lot of home canned food that is in jars so will have to pass on to the kids and friends.

Have to get to bed, one good thing is I am sleeping all night now and the alarm is actually waking me up instead of me watching the clock from 3- 5 AM.

Happy Travels to all
Deb

[rvgrammy1953]

Oh, Deb, my heart ache's for you....Is it possible to just close up the house for a year, quit or retire from the job, and tell those "Nay-sayers" that you need to just hit the road for awhile....let's say a year???? Setting yourself free for 12 months just to get your head and heart in the right frame....I don't remember us having a conversation on this, but it's a thought....if not for a year, maybe 6 months....go somewhere warm for the winter...relax and enjoy yourself....And from what I hear, Disney is a great place to work in the winter...

((((HUGS))))

Lori

[JoanE]

Thinking of what you will gain instead of what you are giving up has helped me. It is like dieting. If you only think of what you "can't eat" instead of the wonderful, delicious foods that you can eat, your diet will fail. If you want this new lifestyle to work, you have to meet it head on with enthusiasm. I am asked all the time by my friends and family, when are you going to stop this (RV fulltiming). I tell them when it isn't fun anymore. But I'm still having fun.

Side note. A business associate was recently told by someone that I was living and working from my RV. They laughed when they told the story but this person, who only knows me via phone, said "She's my hero!"

[lak99]

Deb,

At some point I will be going through exactly what you are going through.
For now I am going to make short trips with my two kitties. Who knows, they
might get longer and longer. At any rate I also have a house to deal with. I want
to feel less bogged down by all the clutter and things. It is kind of scarry. But
we have all been through worse. And just look at all the fun and freedom you
will have.

[JudyJB]

I've had exactly those same feelings. It felt so good to get rid of stuff, and so freeing, yet I know so much of it held meaning just for me, and not for my kids. Some stuff, however, you just can't take with you in so many ways.

I'm going to send you a private message with my phone number so we can chat.

[WickedLady]

Your's are very normal feelings. We have anxiety whether changing jobs, locations, or changing life styles. Think of the fun you will have! Good luck.

[Sandersmr]

I agree with WickedLady - I think any change will have some measure of anxiety associated with it, even when you are looking forward to it. Hugs to you as you go through all this.

[Dawn309]

Deb,

I am terrified! I figure it will go away when I get on the road. I have days when I think, what the heck am I doing? Everything is speeding up now so I really don't have a lot of time to think, just act. I know I have always wanted to full time, so I think still this is the best path for me. There are so many things I have not done yet, like driving a motorhome. I am trying to get back to being fearless again like I used to be when I was young.

[Readytogo]

What the last two said was exactly true. Also, you're dealing with the biggest adjustment of all, the loss of your husband.I did what all the advice givers said and didnt make any major decisions during the first year, and then around here the housing market tanked. I wanted to downsize to another house, the decision was made for me. Just take things slow and do what feels right. I have been teasing Dawn about taking all her craft supplies in a motorhome, I'll have to start in on you too!! Wendy

[Getupngo]

How do I deal with fear? I'm a screaming, fit-pitching, frothing-at-the-mouth DIVA. Yep. Turning fear into self-centeredness -- that's me.

Having said that, I am impressed with your purpose and stamina in the face of opposition and criticism. You're getting close. I've been doing the same thing ... I'm just a bit farther down that trail. During June I sorted and tossed (and whined) and boxed (and wallowed in self-pity) and donated (and breathed into a paper bag!) until my house was stripped down to almost nothing. It went on the market July 1st and got two offers seven days later. One was a cash offer and I TOOK it.

So many of us are on this path. Here is my thread about selling my house, with conversations among all the other women who are preparing to shed their sticks and bricks.

So you keep going, girl! There IS an end to this process -- at least my agent says so as she prods and pushes me to closing. I'm still hauling totes & everything else to storage and need to hire some burly boys to move the rest of the furniture.

See you on the road!

[dayspring39]

Deb all have said what can be said... change is never easy... saying goodbye to memories is hard... take pictures of the things that you cannot keep... put them into the computer and you will still have the memories to look at and dream about yesterday...
Make sure this is the right move... however one can change their minds along the way also... that is what life is about...
Kathleen

[Carolinagal]

Deb, I feel so for you, you're just in a bad time of your life right now and having so many opposed to your choices does not help this feeling of fear and such that you are dealing with now. You are just feeling what so many have and some are still dealing with here. Considering all of this, I think you are one strong woman !!!

I agree with Lori, is there someway you could just leave that job and hit the road for a time ? You really do need out of that job and that windowless room and those settings are just primed for letting thoughts of loss and you're so vulnerable right now. And for all those people who are against your decisions and choices, they have no way of knowing your feelings, and its not their life. You need away from them, to give them all time to realize that they need to let you be and just support you in all ways they can. Just to up and leave them, might wake them all up.

I don't know all of your circumstances, but I do know your loss is still so fresh, and you don't need all of this opposing atmosphere you are living in. But if there is some way you could chuck that job, that might help you so much. And the rest would all move along faster.

Really hoping all will go well for you, I can't imagine how you have accomplished so much and had so much against you while doing it. I have to say again, you are one "Very strong woman", and all the feelings you are fighting are normal, and the opposition you are facing makes some of those feelings worse and harder to deal with. You need out of there !!!!

Hoping all will be well for you, very soon,
CArol

[Pooker]

Oh, Miz Deb - So many of us have had the same feelings and we understand totally! Just remember - nothing is etched in stone. If it makes things easier for you just tell everyone you are heading out for a few weeks to get your head together, then do that. If it helps, plan your getaway that way. Only commit for a short time. Do a bit of sighing, crying, and wallow a bit. It's OKAY! Then look around. See the beauty. Laugh at your mistakes (and the mistakes of others you will see). Find a tiny slice of serenity. Then decide whether to go ahead for another few weeks. Phone, write everyone and say you like it so much you are staying away a bit longer.

Finding our alone life is 3 steps forward and 2 back. Change is hard. I discovered full-timing wasn't for me, but perhaps it is right for you. We are not all one size fits all! The beauty of what lies ahead is that there are always choices. Always options. And it's perfectly okay to change mid stream!

You will do just fine and be able to look that fear in the eye and say, "I beat you!"

Pooker

[Travelinana]

Deb, if you have read the thread Janice started you will see that each of us have emotions regarding this tho they are expressed differently. I will admit I haven't questioned my decision yet..I know at some point it might hit me upside of my head. I still feel bogged down with stuff tho much has already gone out the door. I will breathe my sigh of relief and maybe even shed a tear or two when the last is gone, house is cleaned top to bottom and it is officially on the market. Those of you who are leaving the home you shared with your husband have every right and reason to stop and linger on this decision. I keep going back to 'Desiderata' as I have done for many years when I feel 'lost'. This is within it "Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself."

[Travelinana]

Deb, I also meant to tell you my son feels like yours. He is helping me with this and all I have to do is ask and he makes time to do it. I only found out his fear about this from my daughter and granddaughter. He is afraid I will have an accident out there. I know we want our children to feel okay with this but maybe we just need to thank God for children who really care about us. It says we did some things right in raising them. If their expressions of fear were selfishly motivated (as in being afraid we will spend their inheritance that is a different story but our's are genuine concern).