Teenager Update -- Chapter Closed

[Forestgal]

Hey All --

Guess I'm needing a little positive mojo right now ...

My teenage charge is a great kid. I couldn't ask for someone who's quieter and more polite. But she's 13, and I'm not a mom. She's been with me for 5 nights, and I've hit a wall. I got to school this morning & the principal asked how it was going & I fell apart. Still having a hard time holding it together -- not good when I've got 31 kids showing up in 20 minutes and I'm still blubbering.

I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this for another 2 weeks. Actually, I know that I won't. I'm exhausted emotionally and physically. All I can think about is how and when I can find some time to myself, and it just doesn't look possible for the next week at least.

I didn't realize that it would be this difficult. So if you all could say a prayer that this gets resolved this week I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks.

Laura

[khenrie]

Praying for you to find a few minutes here and there just for you. And for some sort of long term resolution for this young woman.

[mitch5252]

..

Oh, Laura, I'm so sorry to hear this...

Can you try and reach deep inside for the strength to make it the rest of the two weeks? I can't imagine how that child will feel if she "fails" again. Anyone you can turn to for some occasional relief? (believe me - easier said than done.) Wish I was closer - I'd take the kid out for a while (and I'm not that nuts about kids!) Just think how good it'll feel when it's over, and think of the positive vibes you're sending the girl - something she has so lacked in her young life. I'll pray for you and your charge.

..

[AlmostThere]

Sending prayers your way, Laura.

[Irmi]

Laura, prayers being sent for you. (((Laura)))

[Readytogo]

Wow, Laura I can sure understand how this is difficult especially i'm guessing you never had any teen-agers of your own!?But Im with what Mitch said, it's only temporary and it was SO GOOD of you to take this kid in! Maybe you could make it a fun time for both of you? Go out for pizza, go bowling or skating, or a movie? Goood luck to you, Wendy

[Liz]

I understand completely. I feel the same way...even with my own grandkids! You can do it, you know why you accepted the challenge, and there is an end date not too far ahead. Praying for strength for you to finish the course, and a quick resolution for the girl's situation.

[JudyJB]

I don't know all of what is happening, but as an ex-parent of two teenaged boys, maybe you are just trying too hard to be the perfect mom. Maybe you two just need your own space for a day or two. Sometimes kids also need alone time, too. Don't feel you need to interact all the time.

Can you invite one of her friends over for the evening? Then, you could hide in your bedroom and do your own thing while the kids have fun.

I can't think of anything scarier than being an instant mom to a 13 year old. Most kids really have a rough time at that age, and aren't happy with anything you do, so expect that. I really admire you for doing what you are doing.

[OutandAbout]

Why not just tell the girl that you need your alone time and space. It's not necessary to feel as though you have to entertain her all the time. Some child experts have been telling parents of toddlers that it is Okay to set up "me" time and not to feel guilty about it. It will work out for the both of you in a positive way. She probably will appreciate that and probably wants it also. Linda

[BirdbyBird]

I support the idea of explaining your wanting some "me" time in the schedule (just like any other parent would need) The main thing is to explain it so that the young lady doesn't think it is a rejection or reaction to her personally but rather a normal need for individuals........ Sounds as if she hasn't had too much experience with normal.....just as you don't have much experience with living with 13 year olds. Just take it a day at a time...or an hour at a time (believe me, some of us got through many a parenting time frames that way ) This time will not last forever for you but this time could change her life forever We are all thinking of you. One step...then another step. If you are overwhelmed and tired and just want to run away for a few days.....sounds like parenthood to me! Not all the days are like that...look for and hold onto the moments of good stuff.....they will help sustain you...... And hug a certain yeller' dog....good therapy, always.

[rvgrammy1953]

Oh, Laura....(((Hugs)))....I'm so sorry to hear that you and your young charge are having some bumpy times....parenting, even for a short time....is a tough job....and as someone had said in your other post...."they don't come with owner's manuals.... .....I do not know the situation under which she has come into your care, so can't really give you any detailed advise......so, in general, patience (which I take are growing thin right now), support (which is what you are doing by having her in your home), and love, (which you are giving the best you can) are what kids need at any age......so you are doing pretty good right now...(positive thinking here for ya')..... Your "Me Time" can come in any form.....a walk around the block with Jeb.....a soaking bath.....even a few minutes on the computer.....13 year old's can be, in general, trusted to be by themselves for a hour or so.....let her know that you need some time to yourself and she probably does, too.....Oh, I'm just throwing things out here, hoping something with work for you.....But am also sending my prayers for strength for you and many good positive thoughts, too......

Lori

PS: Just so you know, I raised boys...which is a whole other can of worms......

[Forestgal]

Thanks everyone for your support. I made it through the day & even tried to post something at lunch, but it was swept into that "website busy" thing. I didn't copy it first & didn't have the energy to type it again. Since then things have changed quite a bit.

I was able to talk with S's social worker, a great woman named Denise. She basically said that there wasn't anything that she's seen, even though it looks pretty horrible, that would warrant pulling S from her home. With that determination then there's nothing keeping her here. Denise feels strongly that S's mom needs to be a mom again, so she was going to call her as soon as we hung up to tell her to pick S up after school tomorrow & take her home. She'll also call S & tell her that she'll be going home so I don't have to be the "bad" guy & can remain a supportive person in her life.

It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I just hope that Denise is able to get in touch with S's mom and then talks with S tonight. Otherwise I'll have to wait until tomorrow to make this all happen. She'll pack her stuff up -- everything she owns fits into a duffel bag -- and we'll take it to school with her tomorrow. She'll leave it in the counselor's office & mom will pick her & it up at the end of the day.

Please keep praying, friends. This all needs to happen tonight. I'm prepared to let it go one more night, but everyone involved feels that it's time for S's mom to step up and quit taking advantage of us.

I'm exhausted, but can see a pinpoint of light at the end of the tunnel. Let's hope it keeps getting bigger & brighter -- for everyone.

Thanks again.

Laura

[Rufflesgurl]

Laura - Maybe things will be resolved by tomorrow AM. But, nevertheless, hang in there. Maybe the girl could be supportive to you too by just lightening up a little??????? Hope all works out for the best. Prayers for both of you!! I raised my daughter by myself most of her life and yes, there were bumps along the way - especially the teen years. But, it was the hardest and most gratifying job of my life. She's a great mom herself now but her babies are just one so she's got many years to go.

Linda

[cpatinjones]

Praying for you and your situation

[BarbaraRose]

Once she goes back home, you should reward yourself for a tough job well done! Go get a massage or facial or pedicure, or something to spoil and pamper yourself a little! You took on a huge responsibility and should be proud of that! Most parents have 13 years to prepare for taking care of a 13 year old. You took it all on with no previous experience! I am sure she will benefit from your efforts!