Decisions...

[BarbaraRose]

In light of this virus situation, I have been working on a will and POA since I haven't ever done one before (mostly because I didn't have anything valuable to dole out).

I have my house and car as my main possessions, and then just small misc personal things. One thing tho that is very valuable is the things I have saved for my daughter from when she was a baby, documents about the adoption, letters I have written to her (but not sent) over the years, and eventually, my autobiography. I want to get that all organized and in special storage bins labeled for just her. I can't send it to her now because I don't want her parents to have access to it. I don't trust them to not go thru it or even give it all to her.

My issue is I have no idea who to put as executor of my will. My older brother is not well, physically or mentally and his wife has her hands full with taking care of him, so they are not really a good choice. My other brother in Minnesota is definitely not a good choice since I don't want him or his wife to touch anything that belongs to me. I don't have any other close relatives. I also don't have any really close friends who I feel comfortable asking. It isn't like that is a privilege to take that on. It is more of a burden and could be time consuming even tho I don't have much.

My personal stuff isn't gonna mean anything to me or anyone else once I am gone, but I really want to make sure my daughter gets the things I have for her. That is the most important thing.

So I really don't know what to do, but I need to figure it out so that the wrong people don't get involved and mess everything up.

Any thoughts??

[Bethers]

Do you have any friends who would be willing to do it?

[Colliemom]

Beth is right on that suggestion Barb. If you have any really close friends, that is an option. Thry don’t have to be in CA. No cousins or anybody? I have same issue here. Fortunately a cousin will act as executor provided he doesn’t pass away before ne. Thry usually like you to have a backup executor in case the main one can’t or doesn’t want to do it then.

If you want your daughter to get everything you have, then state it as so. Remember, the will is not something that can’t be changed down tbe road. Don’t look at it from today’s standpoint entirely as your circumstances may and probably will change later. What you own now and what you have later Will be different. The best way to do it is to put the things you really want your daughter to have, like the adoption papers etc. down specifically. As to your house, car, money you may have, put it in as part of your estate. For example, everything I own is worded as the Estate of my name (leaving that off the site here for security). My estate is my beneficiary. Like my house and property, which is to be sold and money deposited into my estate. Then it will be distributed from the estate as the will states. Do you get my drift? I have changed my will more than once over the years.

Asvto a POA, thiatvgets tricky. You should have ine for Medical in case you get sick or have an accident and can’t communicate for yourself. Sonebody needs to act on your behalf. It should be somebody close by that you can rely on and can be there. But doesn’t mean it dan’t be somebody out of state who is willng to drop everything and come when needed. The court can appoint somebody, but you want to try to avoid that. You can change the person or person down the lune as situation changes. Say perhaps your daughter might be willing. Then you change the POA. Been there done that too.

[JudyJB]

As a last ditch solution, and maybe the safest one, you could find a lawyer you could trust and name him or her as executor. It will cost something out of your estate, but it would be considerably safer than your brothers or sisters-in-law. You could also open a safety deposit box and put stuff in there, like a copy of your will, documents from the adoption, your autobiography, etc. Maybe something from your parents and grandparents, like photos, etc. Some of the stuff could be on a flash drive, but hard paper copies are always good. (Note: Sometimes small town lawyers in smaller offices are better than big city lawyers in big offices. Check around where you live now.)

Then, you leave a key with the lawyer or trustworthy POA.

What about some cousins or nieces or nephews? What you want is someone who is absolutely trustworthy and honest--hard to find these days, but possible. One thing I would suggest is setting aside some of your estate (set up as Sue suggests) for your POA's expenses and as a small reward for doing the job. I can tell you from my current experience that it can be very time-consuming and the person needs to be able to take out things like travel expenses. Yes, that reduces what goes to your daughter, but the family things and documents are more important than the money.

And it is possible, that in maybe 5-10 years, your daughter will reconcile with you as she gets older, married, and has children of her own.

[BarbaraRose]

All good things to consider! Thanks! I am going to look into executor options with my bank and see what they have to offer.
Luckily, I don't have a lot of stuff. I am getting two locking bins for my daughters things, photos, papers, autobiography, etc.

Medical POA will by a friend of mine here at the park. She is my emergency contact for now until she moves to Oregon. Then will have to find someone else close by.

Hopefully, I won't be going anywhere for awhile tho! But you never know what could happen. Gotta take each day as it comes because we are never guaranteed another day.

Lots to think about...

[JudyJB]

One thing you might do for your medical POA is to put together a medical history and list of current medications, along with what you take each for. One problem I had with my aunt and uncle when I first took over as medical POA is knowing the details of their medical situation. For example, when they were giving my uncle a cat scan with contrast dye, they called me and asked me if he had ever had a reaction to the dye. I had no idea! I was not even sure of any other medical allergies, so it took a while for me to give accurate information. I still get calls asking permission to treat me aunt, after my uncle passed away, and it really helps to have some better information than I had when I started.

In fact, it is important for those of us who live alone to have a document to carry around with us that lists things like next of kin, insurance numbers, medications, and brief medical history. If you pass out somewhere, no one will know how to treat you or if you are diabetic or what.

[BarbaraRose]

That is a good idea! Thank you!

How is your aunt doing? How is she handling her husband being gone?

[MandysMom]

Barbara, you might think about putting copies of information such as Judy suggested: insurance cards, ID, a form stating exactly your wishes if you should be say in an accident and unable to communicate, infirmations on how to contact family too, all n a binder clearly labeled and in plain site on a shelf or table on your house. You want it such that say you fall and hit yiur head in your driveway, a person opening the door could find it easily. A page on caring for Lola as well. Who her vet is, what she eats, her ago, any medication. When I was first into RVing, I followed the blog of a woman, who ended up having a stroke in middle of night. A welfare check found her unconscious. Her binder guided what happened next including who to call to pick up her rescue dogs, who she knew would take them back. She died in a few days, but the binder helped get her I think niece and husband called so they could come take care of her RV and things.
There is a form our lawyer had us fill out, which specifies, do you want to be resuscitated, do you want things like tube feeding or ventilator, if so, under what circumstances. We both filled them out but webhadba new one we had to keep posted in plain site near Mel's bed during hospice so if I needed to call say for help with lifting and hevduedvwhilenlift team was here, it legally stated what Mel wanted and didn't want by then. Example, are you an organ donee? If so, that should be on form and in binder.
I agree on finding a lawyer. I talked to a lot of people before I found our lawyer. It is expensive on the estate to have lawyer or bank handle it, but if your trust /estate is set up right, it's much simpler for the executor.
Velda

[Cudedog]

Hi Barbara.

I have been doing much the same as you. The most difficult part is, I believe, just thinking about it.

There is a lawyer somewhere in my future (when all of this settles down, although I believe it could be a while before that happens) but in the meantime, I have a completed, legal will. I used this program:

Willmaker, by Nolo Press

https://www.nolo.com/lander/willmaker?utm_content=sDpfoMhaS_dc|pcrid|239308223910|pkw|nolo%20willmaker|pmt|e&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Search+-+WillMaker+-+Product&utm_term=nolo+willmaker+-+Exact

It is very easy to use - the program asks questions, you answer them. This is kind of like TurboTax for estate planning, if you are familiar with tax preparation software.

You just take one section at a time, and go along at your own pace. An hour a day, 15 minutes a day, whatever is you want. The program includes everything you need - and I do mean everything - from directive letters to Power of Attorney and trust forms. It is set up so that you use what you need.

I agree with others that a lawyer is best - but this program does create a legal will. As I said, I will take this will to a lawyer for review at some future time, but for now I finished this will, signed it, and had it notarized.

Good enough for now.

Good luck.

Anne

[JudyJB]

Your doctor or a drug store will have a small packet with a magnet on it that you can attach to your refrigerator. Also, there are such things as "vials of life" you can buy and then stuff with a one-page document that gives the basics and then tells people where to find the rest of your info. You can put some of this onto your phone, but a piece of paper is much handier. Check out http://vialalife.com/ or https://www.aarp.org/health/drugs-supplements/info-03-2010/vial-of-life.html Amazon also has a kit with forms and a sleeve to hold forms, but it costs $15, so check with your pharmacy. https://www.amazon.com/Emergency-Tri-Fold-Allergies-Information-printable/dp/B0773XKRN3

Plus, you should carry something similar with you in your purse at all times.

I have a good friend who had nothing like this. I saw her in the grocery store one evening when she was picking up some prescriptions. She had been to urgent care with a really bad cough. I later found out that late that evening, she could not catch her breath and called 911. The last thing she remembers is them asking her to open her door, but she doesn't remember opening it. The next thing she remembers is waking up late the next day in intensive care. Somehow someone had managed to find the names of her two daughters--one in Oregon and one in New York City. The NY daughter drove all night to get to her in Michigan and the Oregon one bought an extremely expensive air ticket to fly home. The medical staff knew nothing about this unconscious woman they picked up, so for several hours they were working blind.

Turned out she had pneumonia and urgent care did not do a chest x-ray. The thing is, she had three very good friends who could have come to the hospital instead of her daughters panicking had we known. And if she had not been able to call 911, she could have died.

I carry such a document with me and put a note by my door which will tell someone where to find all my medical records! (They are tucked partly under my front bunk mattress.) I keep a folder with my last set of blood tests, EKG, etc. My friend says she vaguely remembers the emergency guys looking in her refrigerator, but had no idea why. I told her about the vial of life, so hopefully she has done something to make records more available.

[chalet05]

Instead of a Will, what about a Trust naming your daughter Trustee if she is to get everything? You just list your main assets (car, house, financial accounts) and 'all my personal possessions'. You can make other bequests in a Trust if you choose to. Will your house and car be debt free or will she be stuck with payments she doesn't want/need? If a will has to be probated, that can get expensive - my daughter's boyfriend recently went through that. Ouch! My daughter was helping him through it and was thrilled when I reminded her I have a Trust. Just my 2 cents.

I borrowed a library book to write my Trust. Pretty simple.

[Cudedog]

The Willmaker program I mentioned also does trusts as part of the program.

Anne

[BarbaraRose]

I will look into the trust too. My dad had one for his house so the house went into our names as soon as he passed away. However, there was a waiting period of about 10 years before it was valid. Maybe that is just if a nursing home, etc, want to take the house for payment before then. I can't remember how that works.

My house and car are both paid in full.

Lots of great suggestions and points! Thanks!

[MandysMom]

There was no waiting period on my trust. We were both trustees of the trust, which all assets except the cars, we're in, so when Mel died, I became sole trustee. It depends on how it's set up. Our elder son is next in line, followed by grandchildren.
Velda